Bring Me Back to Life
by Shannen13
Summary: Clarke and Lexa officially meet during the blonde's dark times when she is 14 years old and had lost her dad 6 months ago. Abby is worried about her daughter; hires Lexa to be her Sitter when she works. Clarke begins to have a crush on Lexa, who is leaving for college after the summer. There is a 4 year jump within the next few chapters; Lexa begins to see her in a different light
1. Chapter 1

My first clexa fanfic, will be a slow burner, the 4 year jumps will follow shortly after a few chapters. It is M rated for later chapters, first few chapter are just how Clarke and Lexa first met.

Please note; this story mentions; murder, mental health, angst.

I'll try update when I can, I have other fanfic stories unfinished.

Let me know what you think.

Enjoy :)

* * *

"I'm fourteen years old, mother! I don't need a baby sitter" Clarke snapped; pronouncing the word _mother_ , in attempt to make her sound older and wiser than her age indicated.

"Clarke please, we have been over this. I can't leave you alone in the middle of the night, with no one here in case of emergencies. Don't make this harder than it has to be." Abby voice highlighted the exhaustion and sadness she was feeling. It had been hard on her and daughter since her husband; Jake Griffin was murdered 6 months ago by one of his patient, who was dealing with schizophrenia relapse.

"So then just listen to me. I'm older enough to take care of myself."

"It's not going to happen, Clarke. With my work hours at the hospital and being on the emergency call list. I need someone I can call to keep an eye on things here." Abby said sternly.

"But a baby sitter, people will make fun of me! Seriously what do you think is going to happen?" Clarke questioned

"Enough! I can't lose you as well Clarke." Abby blurted out, her emotions pouring out with every word. "So if I want someone here, to give me peace of mind, so I can focus on doing my job. Then so be it."

The blue eyed girl remained in awe. Abby saw her daughter's face and took in a deep breath.

"Look, don't see it as a baby sitter; you're not a baby Clarke. In fact I know you're grown up and responsible compared to most girls your age. But please can you just do this for my peace of mind." The older woman pleaded.

Clarke soon realised her mother's insecurities. Abby had taken time of work since the incident with her husband, and now she was going back, her mother was finding it hard to leave her alone while she worked.

The younger girl blinked, inhaling deeply to contain the sadness that was quickly rising from her chest. She walked over to her mum, and wrapped her arms around Abby.

"Maybe we can come up with some arrangement."

Abby embraced her loving daughter, resting her chin on Clarke's head; a smile started to creep up on her face at the blonde's comment.

"That's all I ask for sweetheart." The older woman kissed the top of her daughter's head. "I love you, Clarke."

A smiled tugged at the blue eyed girl's lips, squeezing harder around her mother's waist. "I love you too mum."

* * *

The next morning, Abby was preparing to return back to work; she double checked her rota, seeing she had a 12 hour shift and wouldn't be home till at least 6:30 am in the morning.

"So do we have a deal?" Abby questioned, pouring the orange juice into Clarke's glass.

"Yes, I think it's a fair deal." The blue eyed girl smiled, reaching out her hand for her mum to shake.

"Good." Abby accepted the gestured and shook her daughter's hand. "So, as it's the summer holidays, I trust you that you will go to Mrs Wilson, next door if you need anything. But when it starts to get dark, you will treat your sitter with the same respect as you show me."

"Mum, we live in a smallish town, everyone knows everyone. Who is it?

"Do you know Lexa Woods?" Abby raised her eyebrows in question.

Clarke's face was in awe, everyone knew who Lexa was. She was the most beautiful girl in her school, Captain of the Lacrosse Team. She just recently graduated from Arkadia High School.

"No! Mum, Lexa can't be my sitter, she's knows everyone at my school. I think I would like the ground to swallow me up right now." Clarke said dramatically; overwhelmed with embarrassment.

"Will you calm down? She seems perfectly nice to me, and she wants to earn extra money before going to university." Abby failing to see the problem

Before Clarke could respond back, a knock at the door made her jump. The blonde turned a ghost white; flashbacks corrupted her mind of that night with flashing blue lights shining through the glass lighting up the hallway up as she made her way downstairs to find her mother consumed by tears. Suddenly the air around her become thick, not being able breathe enough oxygen in to calm her heart beat down.

Clarke was suddenly brought back to reality when she heard her mum speak in a soft soothing voice.

"Clarke, I think it's for you." Abby smiled; having looked through the peep hole; stood a familiar brunette; her daughter's best friend, Octavia Blake.

Clarke's eye got darker, her jaw tightens, and she turned and ran upstairs without a word. She had been doing this for the past 6 months whenever her friends would try to visit or when anyone would knock on the door. Abby was growing very worried of her daughter, having not left the house that much since her dad died and alienating herself from her friends. She suggested she talk to a professional, but Clarke refuses,

The older woman sighed; she didn't know how she was going to help her daughter through this struggle she was fighting.

"Hi, Mrs G; I made chocolate chip cookies this morning, I know you go back to work today, so thought I would bring you some." Octavia said cheerfully, not really concentrating on the older woman as she tried to look past her, trying to find a certain blonde.

"Give her more time Octavia; it took her a couple of months before she started talking to me." Abby said

The young girl dropped her head to the floor.

"Hey, I know it's hard, you two have been best friends since you could both walk." The older woman said

"I miss her." She replied sadly. "Will you tell her I stopped by?"

"Of course." Abby nodded

"Goodbye Mrs G." The young brunette said politely before she started to walk away.

"Octavia" Abby called out. "I know she misses you too. But right now she's finding it hard to move past the rough patch she is in, and face the real world. Because then she has to accept that her father isn't going to be there when something happens in her life."

She nodded and gave a sad smile in response.

"Goodbye Octavia and thanks for the cookies." Abby smiled, slowly closing the door.

The young girl got a feeling she was being watched, as she walked away. She turned quickly, raising her head, when she spotted her best friend peeking through the tilted binds.

Clarke jumped back, realising she had been spotted.

"I'll be here when she is ready. I hope she knows that." Octavia said loudly, wanting a certain pair of ears to hear her.

* * *

Recovering from being caught by Octavia, she didn't hear her mum come upstairs and walk into her bedroom.

"Maybe I shouldn't go back to work yet." Abby said in concerned tone

"Mum, you said that you couldn't wait to go back; to feel like you're were making a difference again." Clarke replied; facing her mum with a confused look

"It's not me who isn't ready, sweetheart." The angst in her voice was heavy.

"Mum." The blonde sighed; feeling a tug on her heart.

"I'm worried about you Clarke." Abby replied honestly.

"I'm fine." The blonde pleaded, but tears that erupted in her eyes, told a different story.

"I know how close you and your father was—"The older woman began softly

"Mum, I can't!" Clarke croaked; rushing out her bedroom. She couldn't fight the aching feeling in her heart; it became too much to bear, as the tears started to fall freely down her face.

Abby let her daughter go, she needed to be alone. The older woman heard a door shut further down the hallway. She knew where the younger blonde went, the same she always goes when she is upset; her father's office.

Abby's heart was breaking, seeing her daughter so broken. The girl who was so full of life; her laughter would fill the house on a daily basis, was now alienating herself from everyone one. Being stuck in this torturous place, not knowing how to move past this dark bubble she was in. Not knowing how to continue living her life, when it hasn't even truly begun.

* * *

After a couple of hours Clarke emerged from her dad's office and went downstairs.

"Mum!" she called out; stepping into the kitchen not finding the older woman there.

"Hey sweetie." Abby quickly walked from the living area over to her daughter and engulfed her in a loving embrace.

"I'm sorry about walking out, but I'm not ready to—um, you know" Clarke stuttered, still not able to mention her dad's death.

"I know" Abby leant down and kissed her daughter's head.

"But Mum-" Clarke pulled out of the comfort of her mums arms and looked into the older woman's eyes. "You have to go back to work. I won't let you put it off just because of me. We all cope differently, and you need this. You need the comfort that you're making a difference, saving lives. You're a great doctor mum, you need to go back".

Abby smiled she was proud of her daughter, so smart for her age.

"I really appreciate that Clarke, but one day won't hurt."

"One day is all it takes Mum, there are others that need you." The blonde said; not able to look at her mum anymore.

"Okay then, I'll go." Abby smiled, as she placed her hand on her daughter's chin, raising her head.

* * *

It was now 5:25pm and Abby was waiting for Lexa to turn up before she left for work.

As if on cue there was a knock at the door.

Abby looked at her daughter who just came down to get a drink, knowing what was about to happen.

Clarke looked at the door in a trance, getting lost in the memories once again of that night, the police came over; the sound her mother's cry blocking out the police woman that came over to her.

Feeling overwhelmed she ran upstairs to her comfort spot.

The older woman sighed; it killed her to see her daughter suffering like this. Abby couldn't take this behaviour for much longer, it was worrying her too much.

Regaining her composure, she took a deep breath before opening the door.

"Hey Lexa, please come in." Abby smiled.

"Hello Mrs Griffin. Thank you again for giving me this job. I really need the extra cash for my university supplies, so it really means a lot." Lexa replied gratefully.

"It's no problem, and you are actually doing me a favour." Abby said; she looked at Lexa who was giving her a questioning look

"Lexa there is something I didn't tell you. Clarke is going through something right now, so don't expect much from her. Well at least don't take it personally, she really is a great kid once you get to know her, she's just lost her way, since the death of her father." The older woman's voice was lower and sad.

The green-eyed beauty didn't know how to respond, she felt sorrow for the Griffin family, losing someone close is a traumatic experience; and Lexa knew the feeling too well.

She gave a sympathetic smile and a nod to show she understood.

Abby walked to the staircase before shouting up.

"Clarke! Can you come down here please and greet our guest."

* * *

The blonde was sitting in her father's chair, staring at a photo of them on his desk. The picture was taken in the midst of Jake picking Clarke up around the waist, both laughing in that moment.

She already felt calmer once comforted by Jake's personal things; mainly of Clarke's drawing and art works were neatly framed around his office. The place acted as a security blanket for her.

Clarke could hear another voice downstairs, she sighed, dreading going downstairs to meet the most popular person in her school.

Seconds later she could hear her mum calling. Her heart bounced against her chest, she was nervous; she hasn't really been around anyone except her mother in 6 months.

The blonde reluctantly walked out of her dad's office, and slowly walked down the stairs. Clarke's breath was caught in her mouth when she instantly saw a beautiful brunette standing by the door with her stuff planted at her feet; her hair was curly and pulled over one shoulder. She was the definition of stunning.

Her green eyes met Clarke's blue, the blonde let out the shaky breath, it was consuming to be in the room with her. The blonde appreciated beautiful things, she loved to draw them, and right now she started to feel inspired by the guest's captivating eyes. A feeling Clarke hasn't had for a while.

"Clarke, this is Lexa. Lexa this is my daughter Clarke." Abby introduced the pair. They both didn't say a word just nodded at each other. "If you need anything sweetheart; please just call me, okay." Abby embraced her daughter in her signature loving way, kissing her on her head.

"Mum, you're embarrassing me!" Clarke groaned lowly but the brunette heard.

Lexa tried hard to stop the small laughter erupting out of her mouth; instead the dimples on her face were prominently showing.

Abby mouthed the word sorry, releasing her daughter from her arms.

"I really need to go now." Abby grabbed her purse of the dresser table by the door. "Lexa please help yourself, to anything in the kitchen. Clarke will show you were the guest room is. And please call me if-" Abby was cut off.

"Mum, we will be fine. Drive carefully." Clarke said

"Of course." Abby weakly smiled. "I should be home around 6am, but you're more than welcome to help yourself to breakfast when you wake up Lexa."

"Thank you, Mrs Griffin. I appreciate that." She replied with a smile.

"Bye" Abby said before leaving.

As soon as the door closed, the tension in the room rose to whole new level. Lexa didn't know want to say to Clarke, and vice versa.

"The guest room is upstairs second door to the left, it's an en-suite; it will have fresh towels in the bathroom if you need them." Clarke said bluntly

"Thanks, I should go put my stuff in there then." Lexa replied.

The blonde nodded and went to walk away before the green-eyed beauty called out her name.

"Clarke, your mum loves you by the way."

"I know that." Clarke snapped defensively

Lexa simply ignored the hostility in the girl's voice.

"Love isn't embarrassing, just so you know." Lexa smiled; which was too contagious for Clarke.

However she kept her facial expressions blank; Clarke turned and walked up the stairs. She released the biggest smile she has done in the past 6 months.

Lexa had a calming essence about her, and she was smooth. Clarke like that, and couldn't get those perfect eyes out of her head, they were so captivating up close.

* * *

Thank you reading. :)


	2. Chapter 2

A few hours had past; Clarke remained in her dad's office, like she did for most of the day since his funeral, but something had changed in the blonde. She brought her sketchpad into the room, a gift she got from her dad last year. Clarke usually liked designing her clothes in this book, but a new desire had ignited within her, when she saw Lexa's eyes up close.

The blonde was getting mildly frustrated at her drawing; the eyes in general have so much detail within them, but the brunette's green eyes harboured something more, something that was familiar to Clarke. The artist wanted to perfect this but needed to see the source again.

She threw her pencil on the sketchpad; covering her face with her hands briefly before pushing them up towards her hair and then back down again over her cheeks, releasing a huge sigh

* * *

Meanwhile Lexa was watching Grey's Anatomy downstairs, she realised that a few hours had gone by without hearing anything from the younger girl. Naturally she was concerned, but Abby's words replayed in her head; to not expect too much from Clarke.

The brunette couldn't ignore the urge to check on Clarke, but she felt like she needed an excuse to interrupt whatever the blonde was doing.

Lexa made her way up the stairs and stood on the landing not really knowing which room belong to the younger girl. Earlier she only showed her to the guest room, and left the brunette alone.

"Clarke?" She called out.

She heard a door handle being pulled down, so she turned down the right side of the corridor heading towards it; still seeing no sign of the teenager.

"Clarke?" she repeated.

The blonde only opened the door enough for herself to come out, she shut the door as soon as she stepped onto the hallway.

"Everything okay?" Clarke asked; a bit flustered

"Yeah, I'm ordering Pizza. Wanted to know if you want anything?" Lexa replied

Clarke didn't respond to the question, her mouth was slightly open as she took in the brunette's eyes for one second too long before she saw the older girl shift uncomfortable. She switched her glare back at her dad's office door, thinking about her drawing, the little errors she had made and that final detail she wanted to make perfect.

"It's 2 for 1 Tuesdays." Lexa smiled; trying to lighten the awkward atmosphere

Clarke huffed out a laugh, the noise sounded so foreign to her. She immediately stopped visibly shocked by it.

"I'm actually quite hungry." She replied softly.

"That's settled then. Why don't we watch a movie; we can make a night out of it." The brunette offered; trying to make an effort with the blue-eyed girl.

Clarke instinctively wanted to close herself off from the gesture, but she was surprised when her mouth agreed to it.

"Sure,um I've just got to finish something, I'll be about thirty minutes. Is that okay?" Clarke replied shyly

"Of course" Lexa smiled; she turned to head back towards the stairs, but realised she didn't ask Clarke an important question. "Oh, what pizza do you like?"

"Surprise me" Clarke shrugged. She always had the motto, pizza is pizza. Something she got from her dad. "But nothing with mushrooms" she later corrected.

"Agreed!" Lexa said through her small laughter. She hated mushrooms too.

Clarke grinned at this moment. Lexa really was the most beautiful girl in their school.

"Alright then. I'll go order this, get a selection of films and meet you downstairs in thirty minutes, deal?" Lexa raised her eyebrow in question.

"Deal!" Clarke nodded; she started to feel an unfamiliar feeling of her cheeks aching from smiling too much

"Good." Lexa simply retorted, before making her way downstairs.

Clarke didn't immediately go into her dad's office, she watched Lexa walk down the corridor before she was out of sight as she moved down the stairs.

There was something about the brunette; that look in her eyes that draws the blonde in. She feels the same comfort when her blue eyes meet green as she does when she sits in her dad's office, and she couldn't figure out why. A moment later Clarke mentally kicked herself, quickly making a note to stop staring, noticing how uncomfortable Lexa became when she stared for too long.

Clarke retreated back into her dad's office to correct her drawing of Lexa's eyes

* * *

The young girl started to make her way downstairs, finally finishing her drawing. It took a bit longer than expected

She soon found Lexa in the kitchen.

"Hey." The blonde said

"Hey stranger! I was wondering when you were going to come down, she looked at the clock in the kitchen." Lexa replied with a smirk as she saw the time.

"I know I'm sorry. I got a bit carried away, I didn't realise the time." Clarke smiled innocently.

"If you don't mind me asking, what were you doing that made you nearly 15 minutes late?" Lexa said in a non-serious voice.

The blonde froze; overwhelmed by the blushing that suddenly erupted on her face.

"Umm…" Clarke was frustrated with her inability to construct a simple sentence, just noise escaped her mouth.

"I didn't mean to pry. You don't have to tell me." Lexa quickly interrupted; not wanted to pressure the younger girl into answering.

Clarke smiled, seeing the concern on the brunette's face. It was cute. Those eyes; they harboured so much emotion in them.

"I was drawing." The blonde simply replied.

"You like to draw?" Lexa asked; her voice was calmer than before.

"I love it!" Clarke beamed; the green eyed beauty quickly noticed the passion that had ignited in the blonde's eyes.

"What do you like drawing?" Lexa replied; this is the most she seen the blonde engaged in something.

"Beautiful things." The younger girl croaked, before clearing her throat. "I mostly love designing clothes, that's what I want to do for a career choice.

Lexa opened a another random cupboard for the third time since being in the kitchen; lucky enough she found what she was looking for. She pulled out two plates.

"A fashion designer huh? You any good?" Lexa smiled; raising her eyebrows

Clarke laughed. "Let's just say Vera Wang ain't got anything on me."

"Fighters talk? That will come in handy when you're dealing with all those models." The brunette huffed out a laugh. She started to head towards the living room with the plates in hand.

"What do you want to be?" Clarke asked; being hot on Lexa's trail.

The green-eyed beauty placed the plates on the coffee table, before taking a seat on the sofa.

"I want be a doctor, a paediatrician to be exact." There was ambition in her voice, and Clarke didn't miss it.

"I see; no wonder why my mum likes you so much." The blonde smirked, sitting on the opposite end of the couch.

"Did she want you to become a doctor?" Lexa smiled.

"No, she's never put that on me, but I'm only fourteen years old so I guess there's time." Clarke joked

"Your mum seems pretty cool, so I doubt she'll do that." Lexa replied. She sat more comfortably in her seat. "She's is really helping me by giving me this job. She is paying generously."

"My mum had to work very hard to get where she is now. So I guess when she see's someone trying to do the same, she wants to help." Clarke said with sincerity.

"Thanks Clarke." The older girl said with sincerity

"For what?" The blonde asked; tilting her head slightly.

"For not being the spoilt rich girl, I thought you were going to be" Lexa laughed.

"Oh jeez, thanks." Clarke snapped sarcastically.

"What? I admitted I was wrong, and trust me I don't do that often." The brunette replied

"I don't think I actually remember you saying the words _'I was wrong'_." Clarke sneered jokily

"Tomayto, Tomahto" Lexa waved her hand in the air.

Both girls started laughing in unison; when things took a dramatic turn for Clarke.

The noise of the bell echoed through more than just the walls of the house. The sounds waves travelled through the blonde's muscle and bones causing them to cease. Her pupils dilated, as her heart beats hard against her chest in a fast rhythm. She stood up from the couch staring towards the door, she slowly started to back away, her mind spirally out of control as the same night that haunts her, starts to replay itself.

"Finally, that will be the pizza." Lexa said, as her laughter came to the end. She saw the girl stand before she does.

"Clarke?" The brunette called out; seeing the distraught look on the young girl's face, as she kept taking small steps away from her. "Clarke! What's wrong?"

The blue eyed teen, didn't respond; her head was full of loud murmured voices rolling into one suffocating the noise from her reality. Until suddenly they all went dead.

Lexa had reached out and grabbed Clarke's arm; gently pulling her to stop her backward movements. "You're okay Clarke, just slow deep breathes."

The younger girl's blue eyes met green again; the memory of that traumatic day was ceased for the first time without Clarke seeking comfort in her dad's office. She had found it within Lexa.

The blonde's breathes were heavy, her eyes darting left and right and she looked deeper into older girl's eyes.

"Clarke" She called but again, not receiving a response.

The blonde snapped out of her trance. She started to feel at ease, the memory of the day of her father's death had been suppressed. Lexa was the reason for that. That look she harboured within her eyes eased the young girl with comfort and that kind of freaked Clarke out.

"I-I I'm sorry I worried you." She released her breathe; refusing to meet Lexa's contact. "I'm fine. I'm going to go to my room now." she quickly spoke, before she rushed up the stair

Lexa remained dumbfounded, she quickly diagnosed that Clarke was having a panic attack, but she didn't understand the blonde's reaction afterwards. She knew that Clarke shouldn't be alone after experiencing such an attack, but the brunette had a feeling this wasn't the first time.

She needed to speak to Abby. They didn't get much time to talk, as the doctor rushed out to go to work.

The sound of the bell echoing throughout the house again broke the green-eyed beauty from her thoughts.

She made her way towards the door, she couldn't help but worry about the young girl, and she seemed so damaged. An unwanted familiarisation caused through Lexa veins, Clarke reminded the brunette of herself when she was eight years old.

* * *

Thanks for reading x


	3. Chapter 3

The following morning Lexa sighed when her mobile alarm went off at 9am. She didn't get a goodnight sleep; seeing that traumatised look in Clarke's eyes surfaced a dark past that the brunette had tried to bury for almost a decade.

After doing the morning routine of scrubbing her face and brushing her teeth, she got dressed and made her way downstairs. She wasn't surprised that she didn't see any of the Griffin ladies.

Lexa heard Abby came in at 6;45 am this morning, she fought back the urge to go talk with the older woman about Clarke, but decided against it thinking how tired she must have been after her 12 hour shift.

The brunette walked into the kitchen, immediately noticing an envelope with "Lexa" written on it.

She walked over the breakfast counter and picked it up. There was a note and $200, $50 more than Lexa expected. She started to read the note.

 _Hi, Lexa_

 _I really appreciate you looking after Clarke last night. Please help yourself to the kitchen for breakfast._

 _I'll see you same time as yesterday._

 _Many Thanks_

 _Abby_

Lexa smiled at note, Mrs Griffin was a kind and generous woman.

The brunette started to think, whether she should talk to the older woman about Clarke, after all it wasn't any of her business.

Closing her eyes and tilting her head back, she started to picture that scared look on the blonde's face. She released a defeated sigh when she re-opened them; of course she was going to talk to Abby. Lexa knew all too well how Clarke must be feeling, and right now the blonde was not really dealing with her issues well, in fact she was letting them eat away at her from the inside.

Lexa left the Griffin household. She made her way to her car; just as she was pulling out of the drive, she glanced at the house, quickly noticing the blinds moving from one of the upper bedrooms.

* * *

A faint knocking sound was heard by Abby whilst she was making her lunch in the kitchen; she made her way out, her head tilting trying to find out where the noise came from.

As she made her way through the house, she heard it again. It was the front door. The doctor looked through the peep hole and saw Lexa on her doorstep. She quickly opened the door.

"Lexa? You're early."

"I wanted to talk to before you went to work; if you have time?" Lexa replied

"Of course, come in. Is everything okay?"" Concern was obvious in the older woman's voice. Lexa walked into the Griffin household, before Abby closed the door.

"Not really. I mean you can totally tell me to mind my own business but it's Clarke, I'm worried about her" The brunette broke her eye contact from Abby's; feeling like she was walking on eggshells.

There was a moment of silent. A lump had formed in the Doctor's mouth.

"Did she have one of her night terrors again? Clarke never mentioned anything" Abby walked into the living room, taking a seat on the couch.

Lexa followed the older woman, sitting opposite her. " _again?"_ the brunette thought; not knowing the full extent of the younger girl's battle.

"Not that I know of; but she did have a mild panic attack, when the pizza guy rung the bell." Lexa answered

"She was downstairs?" Abby questioned curiously.

"Yes, we were going to watch a film, and eat pizza." Lexa voice was sort of robotic, not understanding why the doctor focused on that point.

The brunette could see Abby lost in her thoughts, the pain in her eyes was becoming more visible. Just as the younger girl was about to speak, she was cut off.

"Clarke hasn't exactly been the same since her father was taken from us. She used to be such a vibrant and happy child that was always out with her friends. But now she has isolated herself from the world, she hardly ever comes out of her dad's office. I've tried to get her to speak about it; even tried to make her go speak to someone else, but she refuses. She just bottles it all up. If I'm honest with you Lexa, I'm quite surprised Clarke wanted to watch a movie and eat pizza with you."

"I want to help Mrs Griffin, I just think she needs a friend." Lexa half smiled.

A grateful expression washed over Abby's face, she tried to hide the tears that filled up her eyes, but Lexa noticed them; prompting her to continue.

"I think you're already helping more than you think Lexa. One night here, and you've accomplished more than I have in six months." Abby huffed out a laugh; pinching the bridge of her nose, hating the feeling of being useless to her own daughter.

"Maybe she just needed someone that was new to her life. A fresh start maybe? " the brunette tried to sympathise with the older woman.

"A clean sheet." Abby weakly smiled. "Guess you're right, she even shut out Octavia."

"Octavia?" Lexa repeated

"Clarke's best friend since they were little. She keeps knocking to see her, but Clarke doesn't come out of her dad's office or if she _is_ downstairs she runs away." Abby sighed.

Lexa's eyebrows creased, as she thought about what Abby had said. _She keeps running away, when someone is at the door. But why?_

"Are you okay, Lexa?" Abby questioned

"Hmm. Oh i'm sorry." The young brunette rushed of her tongue, realising she zoned out.

"I know you never signed up for this, so I'll understand if you want to spend your last free summer doing something else." Abby offered sincerely

"Noo, no,no,no" Lexa stuttered; she never intended to seem disinterest in the subject. "I want to be here, as long as that's okay with you and Clarke."

Abby smiled before letting out a small laugh.

"Of course it's okay with me, as for Clarke that's up to her. But in my opinion she seems to have become more of herself when she's around you; in less than 24 hours than she has with me in six months." The older woman was grateful; it might seem silly to get emotional over their daughter coming out of their room, but it was everything to Abby. Clarke had locked herself away, refusing to see any kind of doctor; it was nice to hear that maybe she can open up to someone after all.

* * *

It had been hours since Abby left for work, and there was still no sign of Clarke.

The brunette resided in the living on her laptop, she checked her email.

She smiled brightly when she saw an email from Harvard's accommodation officer; informing her of the building she will be staying in and her room allocation. There was link to a group chat; a way of fresher's to interact with other students in their buildings.

Lexa followed the link, quickly registering with her username LexaWoods98.

She was surprised by how many messages had been broadcasted on the website already, but one user caught her eye; username Imagination_Creates_Dreams.

Imagination_Creates_Dreams; " _Come on, someone must be in room 18 (Adams House) , I don't want to be in a dorm on my own, that would suck."_

Lexa cringed at the replies listed below.

$RichBoy$: _"Well I can always come over and keep you company ;)"_

Imagination_Creates_Dreams; _"I don't do boys, you're barking up the wrong tree RichBoy."_

$Richboy$: _"Don't let my name fool you, I have a lot to offer :P"_

Imagination_Creates_Dreams: _"Your parents must be rich, because I can't think how you got into Harvard when you clearly only think with the wrong organ. Did they pay extra for them to accept you or what?"_

Lexa laughed, loving the sass of this girl. $RichBoy$ never replied back.

The brunette opened a private message to Imagination_Creates_Dreams, and she felt nervous to write, her hands hovering over the keyboard, not knowing what to say. She only wrote _hello_ , when she heard a creak upstairs.

"Clarke." Lexa mumbled to herself; realising she should actually make sure the girl was okay. She closed the laptop and placed it on the table in front of her, making her way to the stairs.

As she approached the stairs from the side; she could see the young girl, trying to tip toe down them.

Clarke hadn't notice the brunette yet. Lexa crossed her arms, as amusement washed over her features.

She waited for the brunette to make it on the last step before she said something.

"And the crowd goes wild, it was touch and go then, but Clarke Griffin made it!" Lexa shouted enthusiastically.

Clarke's heart skipped a beat, before it started pounding against her chest. She closed her eyes; feeling her cheeks overcome with heat, turning them red.

"How long have you been standing there?" The blonde asked; without making contact with Lexa's green eyes.

"Long enough." The brunette smirked.

* * *

Sorry about the wait.

Hope you enjoyed this chapter.

Thanks for the kind reviews.


	4. Chapter 4

"Why do I get the feeling you're trying to avoid me?" Lexa broke the silence that briefly loomed between the pair.

"I-I" Clarke was quick with the response. But no words formed, she just stuttered; getting herself more worked up. She bowed her head, with an emotional sigh. "Because I'm a loser!"

"Clarke." Lexa's heart ached. Not expecting this type of response from the younger girl.

"What? It's true. And you're only here because my mum pays you, so I thought I'll do you the favour and stay out your way." Clarke sulked; ignoring the awe look on the brunette's face and made her way to the kitchen.

"Hey!" Lexa called out; hot on the younger girl's trail. She reached out for her wrist. "You're not a loser Clarke, why would you even think that?"

"Because I was looking forward to finally having a normal night with you, and I ruined it, because I can't control it. I-I" Clarke's breath got shorter and heavier.

Lexa pulled the blonde in for a hug. "Deep breathes Clarke." She said soothingly. "Now listen to me, you're not a loser. You lost someone who meant the world to you; who was your centre of gravity-" the brunette's voice changed, she was speaking from experience, as her mind drifted to that day when her own world was torn apart.

Clarke blinked hard, as tears started to fall down her face, she gripped tighter against the brunette's body, causing the older girl to snap back to reality.

"It takes a while for your heart to cope without that person keeping you grounded, but I promise you Clarke, it finds a way. I can't tell you how, or when, but it just gets a bit easier." Lexa spoke; her own eyes becoming watery, feeling the weight of her own heart. In this precise moment, she didn't know whether she was comforting the blonde or whether it was Clarke's reciprocating hug giving her comfort.

Lexa cleared her throat, desperately trying to regain her composure. Clarke's eyes widened in embarrassment, realising she was still hugging the brunette. She pulled out of the hug, with a smile.

"I know we've only just officially met, but if you ever want to talk about it. You can always talk to me when you're ready." The brunette gave a half smile.

"Thank you Lexa." Clarke smiled; looking deep into her greens eyes. She quickly notice that look again in her eyes, it was obvious she was also battling with something. _But what?_

The brunette simply nodded; no words could form, as ball of emotions sat in her throat.

"Lexa?" Clarke began.

"Hmm." Lexa hummed

"Nothing." The blonde immediately responded; not wanting to push the brunette into talking about something that looked very personal.

"It's okay Clarke you can ask me what you want." She tried to reassure her; seeing the young girl hesitating.

"Can I get a movie night do-over?" Clarke smiled innocently; thinking of an excuse quickly.

Lexa laughed. "Well before you tried to go all ballerina toes on me earlier. I wanted to ask if you would help me plan my 18th birthday party."

"Really? You want my help." Clarke beamed.

"I was hoping you would design my invitations, put your supposed artistic skills to use." Lexa smirked.

"Hey! What you mean supposed?" Clarke pouted.

"I haven't seen any of your drawings yet." She simply shrugged

"Hmm, but you're still here asking me for my help, you must have some faith in my supposed artistic skills if you're willing for me to design them. But then again, you could always just send out a Facebook invite." The blonde mocked.

"Now where's the fun in that. Plus my parents said I can have a small one, somehow I think if I posted it online, it would get out of hand pretty quickly."

"Well you are the most popular person in school; everyone is going to want to go to that party." Clarke said; feeling a bit jealous that she wasn't older.

"I'm not the most popular person in school" She protested.

"You won prom queen, even though you never attended prom" Clarke huffed out a laugh.

"That was a joke my friends pulled." She defended.

"How many friends do you have again?" The blonde asked sarcastically.

"Less talking, and more sketching." Lexa scrunched up her nose, as she attempted to change the subject.

"Just because I'm going to go upstairs and get my sketch pad, don't think I don't know I won this debate." Clarke raised her eyebrows in amusement before walking away from the brunette.

"That's debateable!" Lexa replied back, her pout turning into a smile.

* * *

It had been nearly two hours since Clarke grabbed her sketch pad. Lexa gave the blonde the freedom to draw whatever came to her mind. Whilst the green eyed beauty battled to write username; Imagination_Creates_Dreams .

 _Hello,_

 _I believe I'm your roommate; Adam House; Room 18. I hear you've been looking for me, so now you don't have to worry about spending the year alone. Plus I can promise that my parents didn't pay extra for me to study at Harvard, I think with the right organ; just in case you were wondering._

The brunette got irritated at the butterfly feeling in her stomach, as she stared at the email she wrote. She released a frustrated sigh, not understanding why she felt so nervous sending it. She counted done from three and pressed send.

" _Crap!"_ Lexa cursed in her thoughts; she forgot to put her name.

 _Hi again,_

 _My name is Lexa by the way._

After she sent the message; she planted her face in her hands. Not wanting to think about it, she looked up at the younger girl; who was heavily concentrated on the sketch pad in front of her.

"Come on Clarke, show me the design already." Lexa moaned; shutting her laptop down.

"I'm not finished yet." Clarke replied back; covering the sketch pad with her body. "Just give me two more minutes. I'm nearly done."

"Well I should hope so, you're taking ages." Lexa laughed.

"I don't want to disappoint you, with my supposed artistic skills." The blonde said in a sarcastic manner.

"You're never going to let that go are you?"

Clarke didn't answer; she just smiled deviously at the brunette. She took a final look at her work. "Okay done."

"Show me." The older girl quickly shuffled closer to Clarke, to get a better look.

As soon as Lexa eyes met Clarke's drawing, she was in awe at our talented she really was.

The invitation design had a life-like cartoon of Lexa on it, in front of a house. The design gives a 3D effect, as she is holding out an invitation that is personalised with Clarke's name on it. The background of the house shows the night sky; heavily shaded to allow the cluster of stars to stand out. At the bottom of the invitation had "18th Birthday Party" written on it.

The silence that loomed became too much for the young girl to handle.

"I only wrote my name, to show you that each invitation can be personalised to those you invite. I know I'm too young to go, so don't worry about hurting my feelings." Clarke spoke with a nervous tongue.

"Clarke it's amazing, it's better than I could ever have imagined. I wish I could invite you, but I don't think your mum would agree." Lexa laughed. "Thank you so much. I love it."

"You really like it?" The blonde smiled.

"Yes I do. I kind of want to frame it" Lexa huffed out.

"I'm glad you like it." Clarke blushed.

"Just one thing I would change." The brunette raised her eyebrow, placing the sketch pad on the table.

"What's that?" The younger stared at her with questionable eyes.

"I've just decided I'm going to have a fancy dress party. So maybe we can change the writing." She answered in a soft voice

"That's a great idea! Do you know what you're going as?"

"If I tell you, promise you won't laugh." Lexa held out her pinky, waiting for the blonde's response.

"I promise" Clarke laughed at the gesture.

"The fact you've already started laughing, doesn't give me much confidence." Lexa pouted.

"No, you can trust me. It's just I haven't done pinky promises for a while." Clarke bit her lip to stop her amusement becoming prominent.

Lexa jokily narrowed her stared into the younger girl's blue ones, to see if she can be trusted.

"When I was younger I was obsessed with a certain show, and I think it's great time to embrace it, as you only turn eighteen once. Right?" The brunette tried to persuade herself.

"Just tell me." Clarke groaned.

"A Pokémon Master." She blurted out.

Clarke smiled from cheek to cheek seeing how flustered Lexa had gotten.

"You promised no laughing." The brunette jokily sneered.

"I'm not laughing, I actually love the idea. I can totally picture it, you being gym leader no one can beat."

Both girls laughed in unison.

After the laughter died out, a comfortable silence loomed.

"Well it's getting late. I'm going to go bed now." Clarke said; shifting of the couch.

"Yeah of course, time goes fast when you're having fun. Thanks again Clarke for designing my invitations." Lexa replied sincerely.

"I've really missed drawing, so I guess I owe you gratitude instead. I'll work on another draft tomorrow, and i suppose we will go from there." The younger girl responded perkily

"Sounds good to me. Are you sure you are happy to do it?" Lexa questioned; making sure she wasn't pressuring Clarke into doing her invitations.

"I am." Clarke answered honestly; she did feel happy when designing it. Genuinely being in Lexa presence made her feel different, lighter inside. She returned a smile; grabbing her sketch pad. A piece of paper fell out of it, prompting Lexa to quickly reach for it.

"Lexa wait." The blonde shouted; trying to beat the brunette to the piece of paper but failed.

The brunette looked at the A3 piece of paper, in astonishment.

The air was caught in the blonde's throat, as she feared the worst after seeing Lexa's awe face. Even though silence suffocated the room, Clarke could feel her own heart beating against her chest, sending sound vibrations across her body.

* * *

Thank you to those who left reviews, really appreciate it, and i'm glad you're enjoying this story;means a lot to me.

So i'm a huge nerd when it comes to pokemon, so i've made Lexa one too. Hope you don't mind.

I'll be updating my other fics, so there maybe a delay with the next chapter.


	5. Chapter 5

"You are truly talented Clarke." Lexa eyes remained fixed on the drawing.

Clarke furrowed her stare at the brunette. It wasn't the reaction she expected.

"Uh- thank you." She hesitated, her eyes still exploring Lexa's features.

The older girl laid the drawing flat on the table.

The blonde felt her heart return to her chest, when she saw the drawing was of her father. Caught up in the relieved feeling that washed over her body, she didn't hear Lexa speak.

"Clarke?"

"Hmm" she hummed

"You have his kindness in your eyes." Lexa repeated; smiling at Clarke before turning her attention back on the drawing "When did you draw this?"

Clarke didn't answer she just swallowed thickly at the comment.

"I'm sorry Clarke, we don't have to-." She mentally cursed at herself, momentarily forgetting about the blonde's troubles.

The blue eyed girl injected quickly "Do you want to know a secret."

"Only, if you want to tell it." The brunette offered a smile.

"I drew that last night, after waking up from a nightmare." Her voice was low and vulnerable.

"Your mom told me about the night terrors you've been having. You should have woken me up Clarke, I don't want to think you're alone, that's why I'm here." Lexa was concerned

A small smile tugged at the younger girl's lips. She liked hearing the sincerity in the brunette's voice. She soon realised they were just sitting in silence, waiting for Clarke to speak. "No." She shook head abruptly. "You don't understand. It wasn't like my other dreams that I had been having."

"If you don't mind me asking, why was it different?"

"I dreamt I was on the beach, my dad picked me up from behind and spun me around. I could feel the warm breeze in my hair, I could hear is laugh and feel is touch. It felt so real, just a normal summer day." Clarke closed her eyes at the many memories she had with her dad, detailing this dream.

Lexa watched the blonde, a wave of sadness washed over her; her heart tightening at the scene unfolding. She waited for the girl to continue.

"But when he finally puts me down; the sun was in my eyes when I tried to look at him. No matter how hard I tried I just couldn't see him. He told me he loved me, and then he left."

"Clarke." Lexa croaked out. She was trying to deal with her own memories resurfacing as well as taking in the Griffin girl's emotions. This hit a bit too close to home, the brunette was struggling. She swallowed hard to fight the air that got stuck in her windpipe. She was grateful Clarke spoke, because no words could form from her tongue.

"I woke up, and just wanted to draw him. I needed to do it from memory, I'm scared that—"

"That you're forgetting what he looks like?"

Clarke's lips parted; not knowing how Lexa knew. She nodded in agreement.

Since Lexa started coming over to the house, her father hasn't occupied her mind as much. The blonde started to feel guilty.

Lexa scooted closer the blonde, grabbing her hands.

"You can never forget him, Clarke. I think you're drawing proves that, even if you don't believe me. It's hard but it's okay to move on, he will always be with you Clarke, even when moments go by, where he doesn't occupy your thoughts. Sadly time doesn't stand still, when you've lost someone, no matter how much you want it to."

Clarke thought about what the older girl said "Like in Grey's Anatomy, when Ellis Grey tells Meredith the carousel doesn't stop turning."

Lexa smile reached her cheeks. "Exactly, the world keeps spinning, forces you to go along with it. That's why your mom had to go back to work. She felt like it was time to take that step forward."

The blonde remained silence. She was scared of taking that step, to go back to being Clarke Griffin, a girl she no longer knew how to be.

"That's why your mom is worried about you."

"What do you mean?"

"Forget it Clarke, I didn't mean to say it."

"Well you have now. So spill it. Why is my mom worried? I have a right to know"

Lexa sighed deeply. "You've shut everyone out of your live, Clarke."

"I haven't" Clarke argued. _I haven't shut you out; were the words that wanted to leave her tongue._

"When's the last time you saw your friend Octavia?" the brunette questioned hesitantly. She knew it was a bad idea, to get into this discussion now; especially noticing how defensive the younger has become.

The blonde wanted to bite back, but her best friends name, made her wordless.

Lexa didn't miss the guilt that corrupted the blonde's features.

"Why don't you invite her over tomorrow? I bet she misses you."

"Lexa-"

"I'm just saying,

"I'm not ready?" Clarke tiredly spoke; without another word, she got up and went upstairs.

"Clarke" Lexa called out; cursing at herself for pushing the girl too far. She never received an answer back.

"Two nights in a row." She noted to herself, as she slammed her body into the couch. That's two nights now that Clarke as ran away from her. "Awesome job." She growled.

Xx

 _Lexa felt a force of air enter her lungs, followed by powerful repetitive pushes on her chest; causing the water that was slowly suffocating her to leave her body. The eruption from her chest caused her body to abruptly wake her from her deep sleep, coughing vigorously, as the water was forced out of her body.._

" _Good girl!" the paramedic said; her hand moved to the young girl's pulse on her neck, it was weak. She cupped the brunette's face. She saw the girl's eyes meet hers for a second before they closed again. "Okay sweetie, I'm going to need to you to hold on just for a little longer, we nearly there."_

Lexa woke up, in a sheet of sweat; her heart was racing. She rubbed over her chest, feeling a pressure pain that wouldn't go away. Her emotions bubbled to the surface; she tried with her every fibre in her body to fight the tears that started to fall down her face. She took slow deep breathes, but it wasn't a battle she could win, as she began to cry. She tried to muffle the sound, by burying her face deep into the pillow.

She can't remember the last time she had a nightmare about that fatal night.

Xx

Lexa didn't get much sleep, while the bed at the Griffin household was much more comfortable than her own; the brunette felt an urge to be home; to be in her own bedroom.

It was 9am, she went downstairs to find another envelope with Lexa written on it. Once again there was $50 more than there agreed payment. Lexa started to feel guilty; she doesn't know why Mrs Griffin keeps tipping her, when she keeps making things with Clarke worse.

She shuts the front door quietly, before fiddling with her bag trying to find her car keys.

"Lexa Woods" A confused voice appeared, getting her attention.

"Do I know you" Lexa tilted her head, taking in the younger brunette.

"Oh I—uh no." The girl blushed; feeling intimidated by Lexa's stare.

"But you know my name." She smirked

"You are—well um" the younger brunette stuttered. "Was the most popular girl in school, everyone knows your name." she shrugged

Lexa started to put the pieces together, but it all made sense when she saw the girl's necklace with her name on it.

"You're Octavia"

"You know my name?" Her lips parted, eyes widened.

Lexa laughed. "Clarke talks about you." It was a half lie, but she admired that this girl doesn't give up. So she vowed that she won't let Clarke give up on her friends; even though she might have pushed the blonde too hard yesterday.

"She does?" Her voice was vulnerable, not wanting to read too much in what the brunette was saying. It had been months since she spoke to her best friend, never getting passed Abby's words _"She's not ready yet, honey."_

Lexa noticed Octavia had zoned out, mostly likely thinking of her best friend. She didn't know why but she felt like she had to comfort her.

"She hasn't forgotten about you Octavia. Clarke went to a dark place, causing her to shut everyone out. It doesn't mean she doesn't care about you or that she doesn't miss you, quite the opposite. I just think she's scared."

"Scared of what? Me?" The younger girl hesitated.

"No" Lexa rushed out. "Clarke is figuring out, how to be her again, and-."

The younger girl furrowed in confusion; not really understanding what she meant.

"It's hard to explain" Lexa rubbed the back of neck; she knew what it was like to try step back into shoes that no longer exist anymore.

The girl simply nodded before curiosity got the better of her "How comes you're at the Griffin residence?"

"I-"Lexa thought of her words carefully. "Mrs Griffin hired me to keep Clarke company, when she works the night shift; so she's not alone."

Octavia nodded again, couldn't help but be jealous of the older girl.

"So your friends?" Lexa knew where this is going; she wasn't hiding her emotions very well.

"I guess you can say that, but it' not like she can get rid of me, she has no choice but to have me around." The brunette huffed out a laugh.

"Can you give her a message from me, please?"

"Of course."

"Tell her that I miss her and that I will be here waiting when she's ready." Octavia shifted her weight from one foot to another.

"I'll make sure she gets it." Lexa offered her a smile.

"Thank you." Octavia started to walk away, but her foot hesitated on the next step, she looked back.

Lexa caught this moment, knowing the girl wanted to say something else.

"Can you tell her that Wells keeps asking about her? I think he has a crush on her. Wants to know if she's coming back to school after the summer" Octavia suddenly beamed.

Lexa laughed. "I'll let her know."

Xx

Lexa walked into her house and threw herself on the sofa, letting her body sink into it. She released a loud sigh; thinking she was alone, but she soon realised she wasn't.

"You okay, sweetie." A gentle voice appeared.

"I messed up." The brunette groaned; no wanting this person to see that she had a relapse in having her night terrors. She turned the subject onto the other thing that occupied her mind.

"You didn't break anything at the Griffin residence did you, I'm not sure my yearly salary could cover it." The woman half joked, taking a seat on the couch.

"Very funny." Lexa replied deadpan before turning serious. "All I want to do is help her, but I just keep making things worse. I never thought it would be this hard, I'm not very good with detecting the emotions part, I pushed her-God I-."

"Talking about Clarke?" The woman grabbed Lexa's hand, calming her down. The green eyed girl nods to confirm. "That family has been through a lot." The woman eyes the younger brunette carefully. "I can see it's starting to take a toll on you honey. I told you taking this job wouldn't be a good idea, it's already making the memories resurface, isn't it?"

 _Damn it, how does she always know._ Lexa frustratingly thought.

"Mom" Lexa swallowed thickly, squeezing her hand, trying to give her reassurance. "She needs me, I want to help her, just being on this side of the situation, is harder than I could have imagine."

"It's never easy Lexa." She replied croakily. "Just give her time, after all it worked for you; let her go at her own pace, she will find her footing eventually. Just be there when she's ready, and listen. You'll know what to do after that, there's no instructions how to deal with these situations, just instinct."

Lexa stared at the woman before, she has always been there for her, giving her guidance, when the brunette was too stubborn to listen. She was greatful that this person always knew what to say to make her feel better. "I love you." She admits; placing a kiss on her mom's cheek.

"I love you to the moon and back." She replied

"Only to the moon" Lexa acted shocked, as she stood up.

"Because that never gets old." Her mom laughed out a reply.

Lexa exited the room, and started to walk up the stairs before shouting out "And yet you always laugh."

She pushes her bedroom door open, she already feels an essence of security and comfort engulf her body. The brunette lies on her bed staring at the ceiling. Her mom wasn't wrong, spending time with Clarke, caused her own memories to resurface. Lexa acted strong; she always pushed her feelings deep down, pretending she was fine. She released a deep breath, hoping it would somehow push it back down again, but Pandora box had already spill its contents. After ten years, she was getting tired of fighting it. She couldn't avoid it anymore. Spending time with Clarke, she realised how much of a hypocrite she was being, there she was pushing Clarke to let people in. But truth is Lexa has been running away from her feelings since the accident, so much so that no one knows the truth about Lexa Woods, nor about her history. And that's the way she preferred it.

Her phone beeped, pulling her out of her thoughts. She looked at the App notification.

 **Message received from Imagination…**

Xx

Note

Firstly, I had a reader comment on the dictionary I used. I am from England, so my laptop auto corrects mom to mum. As I am writing in an American setting, I've decided to keep this theme, but some mistakes might appear. I can only apologise in advance.

Secondly I know some of you, are looking forward to the future chapters, and trust me I am too. It will be so much easy to write. There will be 1 or 2 more chapters before the jump, just because I needed to develop why Clarke has this connection to Lexa, and I didn't want to rush it.

Sorry about the wait. Time flew by, and to be honest I got caught up reading fanfics, there so addictive.

Lastly thank you for reading.


	6. Chapter 6

"Well you've certainly perked up since this morning" Lexa's mom laughed, as she walked into the kitchen seeing the brunette dancing around the counter.

The brunette pulled out her earphones. "I didn't hear you come back in."

"I'm not surprised you were in your own little world. What's got you in a good mood?"

"Do I need a reason?" She answered

"Oh sweetie, I know someone is responsible for that smile that's plastered all over your face. So spill it!"

"Fine" Lexa moaned defeated. "I just started talking to my assigned roommate for when I go Harvard."

"Oh" the older woman released sadly without filter and Lexa didn't miss it. She quickly made her way over to her, but before she could speak, a voice filled the silence.

"Lexa I know I'm not your—"

"Please don't finish that sentence because you know it's not true." She interrupted in a stern voice.

"It's going to be hard to let you go." The older woman said wrapping her arms around the young brunette, as tears started to fall down her cheeks. "You grew up too fast."

Lexa just tightened her grip, not saying a word.

"Ali?" A deep voice called out, as they entered the house; interrupting the silent atmosphere

"In the kitchen!" She called back; the two women stepped away from each other regaining their composure, removing any trace, as if nothing happened.

A tall, well-built man walked in, scooped Ali up in his arms, giving her a peck on the lips.

Lexa immediately pulled an appalled face, as she watched the exchange, but secretly she hoped to find that type of love one day.

"Look Ali, Lexa's doing her best impersonation of Anya." He laughed

"Well if you two weren't so gross, I wouldn't have too" She pouted.

"Love isn't gross Lexa; I promise you one day you will find yourself racing home from work to just kiss the lips you've been missing all day. "

"Okay, I'm out of here." The green eyed girl turned on her heels, but was quickly stopped by a hand on her elbow.

"Stop teasing her Gustus, she hasn't finished telling me about this Harvard roommate she's been talking too." Ali smiled

"Lexi got a new friend." He grinned, seeing Lexa's jaw tighten at the nickname.

"You're impossible." Ali she shook her head.

Gustus walked over to Lexa kissing her on the head. "Now you can stop worrying about going to college. You've already found someone who wants to be your friend. Anya has been at the police academy for a while now and she still doesn't have any friends there." he nudged her; to help lighten her mood.

Lexa laughed. "Everyone is scared off, that's why"

"I don't know what the Academy where thinking when they licensed her with a gun." Gustus teased through his chuckle.

"Please you both know she's a teddy bear at heart. So stop teasing her when she's not here to defend herself. I'm sure Anya would shut you both up in an instant."

Gustus and Lexa's laughter become to a halt, as they stared at Ali, before looking at each other. They burst into laughter again; acting like a pair of children.

"We will see who's laughing when I tell Anya, you've been making fun of her." Ali jokily threatened

"No!" They shouted in unison

The older woman chuckled to herself, as she took in their frighten faces.

"You better get going Lexa, you'll be late at this rate." Ali suggested; bending down to pick up Lexa's duffle bag.

"Bye sweetheart." Gustus said

"Drive safely." Ali added

"Will do! Bye." Lexa replied; taking her bag and heading back to the Griffin Household

* * *

Clarke had spent the day re-designing Lexa's invitations; she felt guilty for always walking away when things got too hard. The blonde wanted to go back downstairs to the older girl after she had her cool off period, but she was too embarrassed to leave her room.

Clarke was desperate to make it up to the brunette, she had spent nearly three hours of the day designing Lexa's Pokémon trainer outfit for her party. It was a rough sketch, but it got the blonde really excited to show it to her. She felt her heart beating rapidly, as adrenaline coursed through her body, when she heard a car pull up on the drive.

She ran to her window, a toothy grin corrupted her face, when she saw Lexa getting out of her car. High from the hormone in her system she managed to unconsciously block anything and everything from her mind; solely focusing on the brunette. She sprinted downstairs, hitting each step with a thud.

"Clarke?" Abby called out warily; making her way out of the kitchen to the stairs. As soon as she reached the staircase, she saw her daughter shoot past her like a bullet, running towards the door. Abby couldn't tear her eyes away, remaining in a trance.

"Lexa" Clarke said breathlessly; opening the door, she couldn't help but beam at the green eyed beauty.

"Hey Clarke" The brunette replied in a slightly shocked manner; she was expecting the younger girl to avoid her after what happened yesterday. She never expected her to open the door either.

The blonde grabbed her wrist and pulled her into the house. "I've got a surprise for you. I can't wait to show you. Come on." She started to pull Lexa towards the stairs.

Abby remained still; she couldn't comprehend the scene that was unfolding right before her eyes. Since the passing of her father; Clarke has never been able to go near the front door. She would always runaway when someone would ring the doorbell. Abby just witness her daughter's fear of the door being replaced with happiness and excitement as she opened the door for Lexa

"Okay, okay. Just don't pull my arm off." The brunette laughed. "Hello Mrs. Griffin."

Snapping her out of her trance, she smiled back at her. "It's Abby."

Lexa nodded in confirmation of hearing the woman's words, before disappearing upstairs.

"Have a good day at work mom." Clarke eventually shouted down.

Abby walked back into the kitchen placing her lunch in her bag, before walking towards the door. She placed her hand on the handle before looking back towards the stairs.

"Maybe I haven't completely lost her Jake." She spoke; swallowing the emotion that was threatening to burst out.

* * *

Lexa held on to her shoulder, as she formed circular emotions. "I think you've actually detached my arm"

"I thought I was meant to be the drama queen." Clarke mocked; raising her eyebrows slightly

Lexa jokingly scowled at the younger girl. "Well as Queen, I demand you show me this awesome surprise you have for me."

Clarke smirked. She cleared her throat and bowed her head down; sarcastically turning her wrist in small circular motions. "As you wish; my Queen."

The younger girl walked over to her sketch pad, suddenly feeling a heat rush to her face. The palm of hands started to sweat.

" _What if she doesn't like it?" A little voice said in Clarke's mind._

The voice was soon crushed when her father's words brought clarity to her mind.

" _You have a beautiful eye for detail, Clarke; don't let yourself or anyone tell you different. Promise me that."_

She took a deep breath before handing over her artwork, keeping her promise to her father.

"I redesigned the invitations and I -"Clarke was cut off, by a gasp as she handed over her design of Lexa in a Pokémon master outfit.

"Oh my god" Lexa grabbed the piece of paper. "You drew this?" Her piercing green eyes met apprehensive blues.

Clarke felt the wind being knocked out of her, when their eyes locked. She had seen many looks in Lexa's eyes, but this one was by far her favourite. She looked truly happy and so beautiful, and Clarke just couldn't bear to look away; before the young teenage knew it she quickly glanced at Lexa's perfectly shaped lips. She felt herself wanting to lean in.

The slight jolt from her centre of gravity brought her back to her senses before she could embarrass herself. Clarke knew she needed to answer the older girl, but no words formed. She settles with a bopping nod and a flustered smile.

The green eyed beauty looked back down at the paper, tracing her finger delicately over the drawing.

"Can I keep it?" Lexa asked, without looking up from the piece of paper. "Please!" her eyes now pleading with Clarke's.

If being a teenager wasn't confusing enough, adding being attracted to a pretty brunette into the mix, who made you lose the ability to speak with a single look? Clarke knew she was in for a hell of ride.

"No" She blurted out in a rush. Seeing the immediate change in Lexa's demeanour, Clarke realised how that might of sounded like

"I mean yes, but not right now. It's just that's my only copy, and I was going to ask you, if I could make the jacket for you." Clarke didn't know where this boost of confidence, but she was glad she had it.

"Wait, you want to make it?" Lexa replied dumbfounded

"I would love too. I mean if you want me to. It's just you've done a lot for me, and I know I'm not the easiest at times. I just want to do something nice for you. Think of it has an early birthday present." Clarke concluded.

Lexa remained silent, and for the first time Clarke couldn't read her facial expressions. It was making her nervous. The brunette was in awe at the kindness the younger girl was showing, she slightly frowned remembering how cruel life has been to her. No one deserves to go through losing a parent at a young age, and if anyone could relate to Clarke it was Lexa.

"If you're worried that it won't look good, I've been making my own jackets for nearly a year now. I'm good at sowing and-" The blonde muffled out; hating the silence that was suffocating the air out of her room.

"Clarke, you're rambling" Lexa pronounced; clicking the K to help snap the blonde out of it.

"I'm sorry, I tend to do it in uncomfortable moments, my mouth just doesn't know how to shut up, and words just fly out to help fill the-" The younger girl stopped, when she saw the brunette raise her eyebrows, and an adoring smile grew on her lips.

She was rambling again, and Clarke got the message. She was starting to love how Lexa could communicate with simple facial expressions.

"I don't mean to make you feel uncomfortable Clarke. I think you're amazing-." the brunette spoke

The blonde felt her cheeks turn red at those words, her mind was reeling at those four specific words; she didn't hear the rest of the sentence. She tried to contain her smile, but Lexa had a certain effect on the young teenager causing it to turn into a goofy wide smile. She felt on top of the world right now.

"I'll love for you to make this jacket for me, you have so much talent. I think you'll go on to do amazing things Griffin."

Clarke looked up the brunette, she let at a shallow breathe; it was starting to get more difficult being around Lexa, she was the best type of toxic there was.

* * *

"You okay Clarke? I didn't know it took twenty minutes to get popcorn." Lexa scoffed.

"Oh right-um sorry. I got a little side tracked." Clarke voice was strained with stress, as she walked up and down the kitchen.

"Hey talk to me, what's wrong?" The brunette placed her hand on her arm.

The young teenager immediately felt the overwhelming pressure on her chest dissipate with ease from a simple contact.

"It just hit me that I need to get the materials to make your outfit."

Lexa caught on straight away what got Clarke so worked up.

"Clarke, if you're not ready to leave the house then you don't have to okay. I don't want you stressing out about this okay."

The blonde's heart was pounding against her chest, but she could still hear the sincerity in Lexa's words; she cared.

"The truth is I think I am ready. I mean the thought scares me, but I want to go out and get the materials. It has always been my favourite thing to do; it's just I've never done without Octavia." Clarke said quietly

"I think she will be very happy if you ask her to go with you."

"What if she's angry at me?" The blonde replied nervously

"She misses you more Clarke." The older girl reassured

"How do you know that?"

"Well she keeps asking about you, and even asked me to pass on a message about a boy called Wells. She thinks he might have a crush on you." Lexa's voice turned uncharacteristic girly, excited for Clarke.

"Wells is just a friend." She snapped back a little bit defensive.

"Don't shoot the messenger." Lexa held her hands up in surrender. "Anyway I know it seems scary to take that step, but I don't think you'll need to be. Octavia has shown what an incredible friend she is; she hasn't given up on you Clarke. So don't give up on her"

"Will you come with me tomorrow morning to her house?" Clarke knew she sounded pathetic but she needed Lexa. She is the only person that would get her through it.

"Of course, Clarke" Lexa nodded.

* * *

Morning come around in a blink of an eye. Clarke was waiting downstairs for Lexa. She found herself in a staring match with the front door. The realisation of yesterday's events entered her mind. She had opened the door for the brunette without a second thought; there were no tears staining her soft skin; no fear or panic attacks.

Lexa was the reason, but she wasn't here now to help fight her fears. Clarke suddenly found herself being weighed down, not being able to move towards the door, her memories of her dad's death were slowly making their way to the surface, and there was nothing the blonde could do. Whatever yesterday was, it was a quick fix. The young teenager was wrong she wasn't ready for this; she turned quickly on her heels and went to run upstairs when she collided with what felt like a brick wall.

"Owww" The blonde moaned, as she felt backwards onto her ass.

"Woah, are you okay Clarke?" Lexa said concerningly; helping the blonde off the floor.

Lexa's voice enter the blonde's ear, immediately putting her in a calm state. Clarke was now 100% sure that the brunette was her quick fix, a drug that helped her temporarily when she was present. Clarke found it ironic how addictive the feeling was becoming, just being able to finally breathe without the tightness in her chest.

"Sorry, I was just going to see where you are. I'm getting more nervous by waiting." Clarke lied

"Well then let's get going. You sure you're okay with this Clarke?" Lexa asked; getting the feeling that she wasn't being truthful.

"Yes. I need Octavia, she's my best friend. I miss her." Clarke ended up convincing herself; she did need Octavia. There was so much she needed to tell her, but on top of that list; she desperately needed to talk about Lexa. These feelings she was experiencing were only getting stronger.

* * *

Clarke inhaled the summer air, she forgot how much she loved the sun on her skin and the wind in her hair. She looked over at Lexa, who was smiling at her. The blonde had to look away, feeling her face turning a different brighter colour.

As Clarke approached Octavia's door, her feet became heavy with each step. Her heart was beating ruthlessly against her chest. She released a hasty breath; her finger lingered over the doorbell. She couldn't press it, she couldn't hear that sound.

"Are you okay Clarke? We can turn back if you want." Lexa voice was soft: if only she knew how the sound of her voice helped the blonde through the mess that corrupted her mind.

"I'm okay" She lied.

Clarke knew the noise of the doorbell at home, acted as a switch for her panic attacks. The sound would send her into a memory replay. She was scared it might bring it all to the surface, and she simply didn't want that. She wanted Octavia; her best friend in the world.

She opted to knock on the panel glass, hoping someone would hear.

Within seconds she was smiling brightly when she heard bickering; something's never change.

"Bell get the door." Octavia shouted.

"O you're old enough to open a damn door. I'm in the middle of something!"

"You know they did create this little thing called the pause button. Maybe you should use it!" She snapped; her brother was an lazy ass obsessed with new Fifa game.

"It's the cup final, I'm not pausing that for you. I'm on a roll here." Bellamy said with smugness.

"Ugh! I swear if it's one of your bone head friends, I'm slamming the door in their face." Octavia growled before opening the door.

"I'm not one of his bone head friends." Clarke breathed out the air that she trapped in her lungs.

Octavia just stood there in silence, just blinking quicker than usual.

"Maybe not, but you do remind me of someone." She finally replied: but immediately cursed herself realising how petty she sounded. All she wanted was her best friend back and here she was trying.

"Octavia-" Clarke began nervously but before she could get out the next word. The wind was being knocked out of her, as she felt arms tighten around her body.

"I missed you so much Clarke!" she cried

"I missed you more O. I'm so sorry"

"Sssh, you're here now." Octavia face rested on the blonde's shoulder, she opened her eyes to see Lexa standing on the sidewalk

"Thank you" she mouthed and received a smile and a nod before the older brunette walked away.

"Do you want to come over?" Clarke asked

"Pfft, like you have to ask. Come on C, there's this new series I'm dying to watch on Netflix. I couldn't bear to watch it without you." She grabbed the blonde's hand and hastily made their way back to the Griffin's household.

Just before they got there, Lexa just exited the front door and jumped into her car.

Clarke hated the fact she didn't get to say thank you for everything. She started to walk faster hoping to at least wave goodbye, but Lexa was already reversing off the drive, and was heading down the street. The blonde just watched until the car was no longer in sight.

"You coming Clarke" Octavia promoted whilst glancing at what the blonde was staring at.

She nodded and made her way inside.

* * *

Clarke and Octavia spent the day reconnecting and soon after a while it was have if nothing changed. Abby's heart nearly burst out of her chest when she woke up to the loud duo laughing, she couldn't believe what her eyes were seeing when she made her way downstairs; she had tried so hard to get Clarke to see Octavia, but nothing worked. Tears threatened to escape from her eyes, she couldn't describe the overwhelming feeling that washed over her body; she caught a glimpse of how the old Clarke used to be.

She walked into the kitchen making a cup of coffee.

"Hey mom is it okay if i go to Arkadia Mall, i need to get materials." Clarke pleaded.

She was in mid-sip of her coffee, before she could swallow the contents of the hot drink ended up being sprayed over the worktop. First she thought her eyes were playing tricks but now her ears.

"Sorry, it was too hot. You were saying something about going shopping" Abby wiped her mouth, before grabbing a cloth to clean the mess up.

"Yeah Octavia and I would like to go." Clarke beamed

"If you're feeling up to it, of course you can go. What you making this time, another top?"

"I offered to make Lexa a jacket for her fancy dress birthday party." The blonde shrugged, as if it wasn't a big deal.

"And to think all Clarke has made me is this friendship bracelet." Octavia laughed, walking into the kitchen, holding her wrist up to show the bracelet.

"Hey you said you liked it!" The blonde pouted

"I do, but what girl doesn't like one of kind clothing from her best friend." Octavia scoffed.

Octavia's words actually caused the clogs to turn in Abby's head. Clarke has gotten very close to Lexa in such a short time.

" _Does Clarke have feelings for Lexa?"_ The worrying feeling soon corrupted the older woman's mind at the thought which crashed into her mind. Clarke was getting too close to Lexa, maybe she has a crush on the older girl.

Abby hated herself knowing what she had to do next to protect her daughter's heart; knowing heartbreak was going to be at the end of the tunnel for Clarke.

* * *

It had been nearly an hour since Abby offered to drop Clarke and Octavia at Arkadia Mall.

She was pacing up and down the hallway corridor just outside her daughter's room.

"God, I'm a terrible mother!" She breathes out, as she opened the blonde's bedroom door. She stepped in quickly noticing a picture of her late husband holding the apple of his eye in his arms, Clarke.

"I know you wouldn't approve Jake but i need to know for sure. She's going to get hurt. I can't lose her again."

She rummaged around Clarke's things, but nothing was appearing out of the ordinary. Until she found the blonde's sketchbook hiding under her wardrobe.

"What are you doing under there?" Abby questions out loud

And that's when she found the evidence she needed.

"Oh Clarke" She mouthed; glancing over the drawings of Lexa; some were incomplete, and some were just of her features. It wasn't until she looked at the back of them to find a 3D love heart with Lexa's name written in the centre.

"What am i going to do?" Abby looked at the photo of her family again before a sad smile corrupted her face. "You would know what to do, wouldn't you." A toothy wide grin just stared back at her. She felt like he was taunting her. Jake used to love to do that to her.

Her phone echoed the silent room, scaring her out of her thoughts. She breathed out the anxiety that had just built up in her body before answering.

"Hello?"

A young girl's panicked voice poured out of the other end of the call.

"Octavia? Calm down sweetie I can't understand you." Abby replied soothingly, but her heart started beat rapidly, when she started to make sense.

"It's Clarke, something's wrong; she can't breathe properly. I don't know what to do!"

* * *

Sorry this took so long.

Let me know what you think.

One more chapter to go before the jump..Woohoo.

This will include Lexa opening up to Clarke about her history. A certain talk between Lexa and Abby.

Lexa's 18th birthday party


	7. Chapter 7

"I'm home." Lexa called out; throwing her keys in the bowl on the table.

"Morning Lexa." Gustus replied from the living room.

"Hey sweetheart, everything okay?" Ali questioned; after seeing her daughter yesterday she had a right to be worried.

"It was good, really good. I think I'm actually helping Clarke." Lexa smiled brightly.

"That's great Lex, that sweet girl has been through so much." The older woman said proud of the brunette. "Oh something came for you; I put the package in your room." Ali informed her; a sly smile tugging at her lips.

"What is it?" The brunette spoke to herself more than to her mom, as she walked up the stairs. She opened her bedroom door, but she didn't see a package in sight. When she stepped over the threshold, she was met with a surprise.

"Hey Ass-face." A familiar voice called out.

Before Lexa could even react, she felt something hit her straight in the face; bursting its liquid contents all over her. Then the second and third water balloon hit her torso and shoulder.

"What the hell Anya?" Lexa snapped; while the other girl was laughing.

"Don't play the innocent with me! Mom told me what you and Dad said about me. I'll have you know I do have friends at the Academy!" She corrected.

"Like you said I wasn't the only one, does Dad get water thrown in his face." Lexa growled.

"Oh don't you worry, Dad should be getting a taste of my revenge any second now." Anya said deviously; walking towards Lexa's door. And as if on cue a commotion could be heard downstairs.

" _ANYAAAA" the deep voiced echoed through the wall of the house._

The blonde girl was wearing a proud smirk, when she turned to face Lexa.

"I might have put four spoons of salt in his coffee, instead of sugar. Whoops." She jokingly placed her hand over her mouth for emphasis.

Lexa laughed when she heard Ali having a go at Gustus.

" _What's all the noise about?" Ali walked into the living room to find coffee sprayed over the leather furniture, the laminate floor and the table in the middle of the room._

 _Gustus was still wearing an appalled look on his face, as he tried to get rid of the horrible taste in his mouth. The older brunette caught on quite quickly what had happened._

" _I told you to not make fun of Anya! You better get this mess cleared up now!" She demanded leaving her husband before he could argue._

Lexa shook her head at Anya. "You're the devil child."

"In my defence he should know me better; I have never offered to make coffee before." The blonde shrugged. "Maybe now it will make you both think twice before making fun of me, when I'm not here." Anya crossed her arms; a triumphant smile reached her cheeks.

"Yeah about that, I know you didn't come all this way from the Academy just to teach Dad and me a lesson. So what are you really doing here?" Lexa asked curiously

"Bad news kiddo, I won't be able to come to your fancy dress party." An uncharacteristic sympathetic look washed over her face.

Lexa grabbed a pillow from her bed and threw it at the older girl.

"Hey I was being genuine. I feel really bad, that I'm not going to be there for your sweet eighteen." She chimed.

"Oh please, you never wanted to come. You only got an invite because Mom said I had to." Lexa scoffed.

"Ouch." Anya dramatically grabbed at her heart. "That hurt." She teasingly added. "In all seriousness I am sorry, but this brings me to the good news I have, I am going to take you shopping."

"I hate shopping." Lexa said in a deadpan voice.

"Don't be so selfish, I like it and what better present to give you than spending time with your big sis." Anya smiled.

"Fine, let me have a quick shower first." Lexa started to walk out the door.

"But you just had one" Anya bit her lip to stop her laughter escaping.

The brunette turned sharp on her heels, her face stoic. She looked very intimidating, as her eyes pierced into the blonde's brown ones.

"You're cleaning that up, or I'll tell mom you're the one who scratched her beloved mustang three years ago, when you snuck out to meet Taylor." Lexa smirked; seeing Anya's face drop.

"Now who's the devil child?" The blonde propped her eyebrow.

"I learned from the best." Lexa released a toothy grin, before leaving Anya in the room.

Xx

Clarke had missed spending time with Octavia, she was so glad she went through with this. Things where finally starting to look brighter for the young blonde; feeling a bit more like herself again.

"Did you want to go to Emori's shop then get something to eat, I'm starving." Octavia growled.

"We can get something to eat first, if you think you won't be able to go on." Clarke smirked

"Hmm I detect a hint of sarcasm, with a dash of patronization." The brunette mocked.

"That would be correct; I'll only be forty minutes tops." Clarke grabbed at her best friend's hand leading her towards her favourite shop.

"Clarke, when have we ever spent forty minutes in Emori's shop?" Octavia moaned

"This time is different; I know exactly what I want. I have this picture in my head O; this jacket has to be perfect!" The blonde protested.

"I know you're a perfectionist Clarke, but you seem to be going all out for Lexa."

"What?" Clarke blurted out, but she couldn't hide the redness that corrupted her cheeks. "What do you mean?"

"You seem to really like her." The brunette shrugged.

"Of course I do, she's helped me so much O. I owe her" Clarke defended.

"Okay." Octavia said; whilst pulling an unconvinced face. A look the blonde knows very well.

"What?" Clarke prompted

"I just think there's more to this story, but I can wait until you want to talk about it. I'm a great bestie like that." The brunette said nonchalantly

They started to walk towards Emori's shop, a place where the girls have spent many hours in before. Octavia moved with pace, while Clarke looked like she was having an internal battle; her thoughts weighing her down.

The brunette suddenly got a sense of feeling that she was alone, she turned to see the blonde had stopped.

"Clarke, what are-" Octavia began to question before that internal battle Clarke was having come pouring out.

"Fine, I like her! I really like her O, I feel like it's so easy to be around her, but at the same time I find it so hard to breathe when she looks at me. What's with that huh? Don't even get me started on her eyes, it's not just the beautiful colour they harbour, but the emotions she portrays through them with a single look. It drives me crazy! Plus we have this unspoken connection; she just knows how to help me when I need her the most. Lexa brought me back to you O; she has helped me just by being there. She's amazing." Clarke took a deep breath, she felt so much better finally getting it off her chest.

Octavia remained in awe, as she watched her best friend blue eyes lit up when she spoke about Lexa. She never expected this, when she pushed Clarke to speak.

"Quiet Octavia is never good." The blonde said nervously. "I was a bit full on, huh?"

She still wasn't able to form any words; truth be told she didn't know what to say to what Clarke had confessed.

"Are you freaking out because I might like girls too? Because I'm still the same Clarke, I haven't changed. Please just say something" The blue eyed girl pleaded.

"I don't want you getting hurt, Clarke." Her voice was low and sincere

"What?" the blonde replied confused.

"You've fallen for her hard Griffin." Octavia pushed her eyebrows up for emphasis. She could see Clarke was thinking her words over.

"I know." The blonde said sadly.

"She's nearly eighteen, and your—" Octavia nervously began

"I get it." Clarke snapped; not wanting to hear the truth.

"I don't mean to—"

"I know" the blonde's voice was lighter, with a tiny smile. "You're just looking out for me; like you always do."

"Damn right" Octavia hooked her arm over Clarke's shoulder. "Come on lover girl lets go make the best jacket, Lexa will ever have."

"I love you O, I'm sorry—"Clarke felt guilty but the brunette interruption put her feelings to rest.

"I understand, I'm just glad you're back." She placed a peck on her cheek. A small tug at her lips indicating she was thinking of something deviously "No homo." She punned; bursting into laughter, shoving her friend gently. "I'm sorry but I couldn't resist, but I do love you too."

Clarke pushed her dorky friend back with a laughter of her own.

The girls continued their walk to Emori's shop, when Octavia came to an abrupt stop, when a thought suddenly crossed her mind.

"Oh" She gasped

"What?" Clarke looked panicked.

"Poor Wells, I think his got it bad for you, little does he know he doesn't stand a chance, does he?" Her face remained dead serious, whilst Clarke couldn't help the amusement that left her mouth.

"Come on, dork." She grabbed her hand to make her continue her walk.

Xx

Octavia was pleasantly surprised, when they were leaving Emori's shop, having only spent forty-five minutes looking and feeling materials for Lexa's jacket; it must have been a world-record for them.

"I told you I knew exactly what I wanted." Clarke beamed; swing the shopping bag in her hand.

"Yes you did, now can we get something to eat. I'm starving."

"What do you fancy my Drama Queen?" The blonde laughed. Her thoughts quickly diverted to Lexa, and a wide smile corrupted her features at their conversation yesterday about who was the drama queen. She really did have it bad for the older girl, she didn't even realise the dramatic hand waving in her face, until she finally heard her name being called out.

"Earth to Clarke!" Octavia prompted; her handing waving in front of the blonde's face.

"Huh?" A dazed Clarke questioned.

"Well you asked me what I wanted. I replied, but your mind was clearly on Mars or something."

"I'm sorry, I must off zoned out." Clarke concluded

"Uh huh, I've only ever seen your face light up like that once before. You were thinking of her, right?" Octavia smirked knowing she was right.

Clarke didn't know what she was thinking of course her best friend saw right through her.

"I always thought she was the coolest person in school." The blonde said to herself more than to best friend; her face lighting up again, as she spoke about Lexa.

"Well yeah she's popular for a reason." Octavia said obviously.

"That's just it she's the biggest dork I know, I like seeing that side of her." Clarke smiled at the thought.

"If you're going to be all mushy over Lexa then I really going to need food, before you continue." Octavia pouted.

"You know what? This day is about spending time with you, my 'mushy' feelings about Lexa can wait." Clarke said; smiling brightly at the brunette. "So where did you want to eat?"

"McDonalds, I really fancy chicken nuggets. And don't think I'm sharing, you've got to get your own Griffin" Her best friend warned.

"Deal, let's go then."

Xx

The girls were walking towards the designated eating place, when something caught Octavia's eye.

"Oh wow; Clarke look at the new Police Interceptor; it looks so cool." Octavia saw the picture of the car on a poster, hanging on the translucent fake walls surrounding the car. She quickly started to notice a queue of people.

"I thought you were starving." Clarke replies dramatically.

"They're letting people, sit inside of it. Come on it will only take ten minutes." The brunette begged.

"Fine." Clarke growled; she didn't share her best friend's passion for police vehicles. That was something Octavia got from her dad. He is the Captain at the Polis Police Department.

As they drew near, a small kid sat in the driver seat of the police interceptor. The scruffy boy grabbed harshly at the steering wheel, dragging it to the left and then to the right, as his mind played a scenario of dodging traffic. His eyes caught the attention of a button, he smirked feeling the urge to push it, and like any hyper child he did. A loud siren sound echoed through the mall, as the red and blue lights flashed brightly through the translucent walls that were partially surrounding the vehicle.

One of the police officers was quick to switch it off; causing too much noise in a closed environment, but little did they know the damage was already done.

Clarke froze abruptly seeing the red and blue lights appear through the fake walls and it hit her chest like a freight train. The memories surged to surface with force, immediately sucking the air out of the blonde's lungs. Remembering the red and blue lighting up her house like a Christmas tree, as the police turned up the night she lost her father.

Clarke was yanked back into the darkness aggressively; everything started to turn blurring; the air around her becoming too thick to breathe in. The bag she was previously swinging with happiness dropped to the floor, before her body hit the floor. She could barely hear Octavia's voice, screaming for help. Random blurry faces appeared in front of her; telling her to breathe as if it wasn't the most obvious thing.

No matter how many times Clarke tried to breathe in the air around her, nothing was going in. Dizziness was the next thing to occur, the room was spinning. She could feel herself slipping further into the darkness; she was ready to succumb when a voice pulled her back, a warm touch on her skin.

"Clarke." A soothing voice said.

Xx

Within twenty minutes at being at Arkadia mall, Lexa was bored but spending time with Anya made it bearable. She had missed her since she left to join the Academy to become a police officer.

"Oh look, it's your friends in blue." Lexa joked; gesturing with a side nod.

"Huh? Very funny!" Anya nudged her younger sister. "I guess they're doing some community thing." She sounded unsure; whilst looking at the police pop up stall, with the new police inceptor vehicle.

"Wow they've gone all out this year" Lexa said; admiring the new design.

"To think I could be driving one of those bad boys soon." Anya gloated

"No one in their right mind would give you the keys, the way you drive. Not if they want to survive." Lexa mocked.

"I'm a great driver, not my fault other people get in my way." She huffed

"That's just called traffic, Anya. It's quite common actually." The brunette teased

"Shut up." Anya jabbed Lexa in her arm, before walking off towards the police stall. She suddenly grabbed her ears to protect them from loud siren noise that boomed off the walls of the mall.

The brunette was hot on her tail, when a scream erupted over by the far side. She could see a crowd of people hovering.

Her heart dropped when she noticed a distress Octavia on the phone; kneeling next to Clarke. She sprinted over there, as fast as she could.

"Move!" she shouted. "Give her room to breathe."

Clarke was losing consciousness; her lips were turning blue; her lungs still weakly trying to inhale oxygen.

"Clarke." She called smoothingly. "It's Lexa; you're going to be okay." Blue eyes flashed open meeting worried green.

The brunette sadly smiles down at her. "I need you to concentrate on my voice; we're going to count backwards from ten, okay?"

Clarke nods.

"Ten" Lexa drags at the word waiting for the blonde to say it before going onto the next number. Clarke follows pursuit; it comes out rushed and breathless.

"Nine, eight, seven, six, five…" With each passing number her breathe started to get slower and deeper; her lips slowing returning to their normal colour.

"That's it Clarke, you're doing great." Lexa says in a relieved tone, she starts to rub circles on her back.

"Okay people, let's move it, nothing else to see here." Anya clapped the growing crowd away, knowing the young girl wouldn't want an audience.

"Thank you" Lexa mouthed

"Two, one." Clarke finished; something as simple as counting had helped her get out of her dark thoughts. Maybe it was because Lexa was there to get her through it, either way the blonde was just grateful. Once she finally conquered them, the anxiety started to lift off her chest, allowing her to breathe in the air that had always been surrounding her.

"That's it Clarke, take a deep breaths through your nose and release it through your mouth. " Lexa instructed, whilst performing the action.

"Yes Mrs Griffin, she seems to have come out of it." Octavia nods. "Oh Okay we're on the ground floor outside Macy's next to the new police stand." She hanged up the phone. "Abby is just parking up the car; she wants to take Clarke to the hospital."

"I don't want to go. I just want to go home." The blonde moaned weakly; resting her head on Lexa's shoulder. "Lexa I'm so sorry."

"Hey you have nothing to apologise for." The brunette held her tighter to help reassure.

Clarke smiled at the comfort, her eyes soon locked on to unfamiliar brown eyes.

Lexa quickly saw the slight frown she wore on her eyebrows.

"Clarke I'll like you to meet Anya, my sister in crime." Lexa smiled. "Anya this is Clarke Griffin."

"Don't let her fool you kiddo, she pretends to be a badass, but she is just too dorky to be my partner in crime. You can even ask our mom she will back me up." The older girl corrected; she didn't want to bring up what just happened; she knew all too well people would rather just move on from the attention.

Clarke and Octavia laughed at the pout that corrupted Lexa's face.

"I think she's great." The young blonde blurted it out; staring whole-heartedly at the older girl.

Lexa didn't think anything of it, as she wore a pride smile on her face. "Thank you Clarke, at least someone thinks so." She jokingly poked her tongue out at Anya.

Whereas Octavia eyes went wide at the confession and Anya didn't miss the look Clarke gave her younger sibling. Her mouth was slightly parted, before it closed; a small smirk tugged on the side of her lips.

"Clarke!" A voice called out.

"Mom." Clarke jumped up and ran into her mom's arms. "I don't want to go hospital; I just want to go home. I feel fine now."

"Okay sweetie, calm down." Abby held her daughter close; she skilfully measured her daughter's heart rate without her noticing, before she looked over to the other girls. "Thank you so much for looking after her."

"It was Lexa, Mama G. She was amazing" Octavia praised.

"I just did what anyone else would do." Lexa insisted

"Oh please everyone was just crowding her, until you swooped in and saved the day." Anya added. A smile played on her lips; knowing Lexa was uncomfortable with all the attention she was getting.

"I'm just glad you're okay Clarke." The brunette directed her sweet smile at her, making the young girl blush.

"I really don't know how to thank you for this, but I guess I can start with this. You can have the day off today. I'm going to stay home with Clarke tonight. So I'll see you tomorrow, the usual time." Abby informed; she swallowed thickly when she saw the hurt in her daughter's eyes.

Clarke opened her mouth to protest that she's fine, but Lexa spoke before.

"If you're sure Mrs Griffin, I don't mind if you wanted me to come over." Lexa replied hesitantly.

"It's Abby, and I'm sure. I wouldn't feel right leaving Clarke right now."

"Looks like you're stuck with me." Lexa goofily grinned at Anya, who just nudged her dorky sister away. The older blonde glanced at Clarke; she noticed the sad expression that washed over her face.

"Come on girls let's get you home." Abby called out. Clarke and Octavia started to walk, but the young blonde stopped to turn around to look at Lexa one time, a sad smile attempted to tug at her lips.

"Clarke" Lexa called out. "Don't forget this." The brunette was holding an Emori's shopping bag.

"Thanks" the blonde said sweetly; her fingers brushed over Lexa's. Clarke felt her heart racing, but she noticed how the older girl's face was unfazed.

"I'll see you soon, Clarke." Lexa smiled at the door, before walking off with Anya.

The blonde just thought it wasn't soon enough, she hated that she's ruined her time with Lexa. It put her in a self-loathing mood.

xx

Since Clarke got home, she hadn't left her room. The events of earlier playing on her mind, the thoughts coming too much she threw herself onto the bed, screaming into her pillow. She felt so embarrassed that everyone saw her in that condition, she started to become infuriated that she wasn't able to control her body during her attacks. The thought that really got under her skin was that she felt like a loser in front of Lexa. She really thought she was doing better and yet that was one of the worst attacks she has ever had.

"Clarke." Abby voice called out, with a gentle knock. "Are you okay?" the older woman heard her daughter's muffled scream. She opened the door.

"I'm fine mom." She replied; trying to believe her lie herself, but she wasn't; she felt defeated.

"Do you want to talk about it, sweetie?" Abby sat down on the bed.

Clarke shook her head; she couldn't open up to her mother. She didn't know why, but when her mouth would try to speak words to Abby; her chest would restrict stopping her before a single syllable was produced. The only person she was able to speak to was Lexa, and she wasn't here. So the blonde held onto the weight of her emotions and it was already taking a toll on her.

Clarke desperately seeks some type of comfort, so she flung her arms around her mother and held her tightly.

Abby rests her chin on top of Clarke's head. She closed her eyes, trying to keep the tears at bay. It hurt to see her daughter in such anguish.

"Okay we don't have to talk about it, how about a movie and chocolate ice cream?" She offered.

"Maybe some other time, I just want to be alone" Clarke's words were smothered in guilt, but she just needed the space. She didn't have the strength to put up a façade for her mother.

"Anything you want honey. Get some rest." She kissed her daughter's head before leaving her room.

Abby quickly made her way downstairs to retrieve her phone, she scrolled through her contacts, finally landing on the name she was searching for. She dialled it, waiting for it to connect.

"Hello, it's Abby." She swallowed thickly. "I'm sorry to be calling you, but I was wondering if you can come over. I don't know how else I can help her." Her voice started to tremble, her emotions taking over her speech. "She's in so much pain, and I think you're the only one than can help her."

Xx

Within five minutes there was a knock at the door. Abby opened the door before she could even greet the person, they spoke hastily.

"Abby where is she, is she okay?"

"Lexa, I'm sorry if I worried you with my phone call. Clarke is physically fine, she's just—"

"Battling her inner demons" The green eyed girl finished. She knew all too well what Clarke was going through. She stared towards the stairs, wanting to ease the young girl's pain.

Abby nods in confirmation. "Clarke seems to have a connection with you Lexa."

This grabbed the brunette's attention, a small frown formed between her brows; not really knowing what Mrs Griffin was trying to imply.

"Just be careful, she's in a fragile state and you seem to bring out the old Clarke. That might cause confusion within my daughter." The older woman said delicately; it was a touchy subject, but she had to make Lexa aware of the situation.

Lexa didn't know what to say, she shifted uncomfortably.

"Please don't hurt her." Abby asked more than a warning.

"I would never her Clarke, Mrs Griffin." Lexa tone was bit more sharp than she intended it to be.

"Forgive me Lexa, I don't doubt that, but sometimes it's inevitable in these cases. Just wanted you to be more aware of it, I'm not accusing you. I can never repay you for the way you've helped Clarke. I owe you so much Lexa." Abby hugged the younger girl, who remained a bit rigid, not understanding what was happening.

The older woman started to retreat to the living room, leaving a very confused brunette standing in the hallway.

"Oh. If I know my daughter, she will have her headphones on. She won't hear you knocking."

Lexa offered a small tug at her lips with a nod, before making her way upstairs.

x

I'm so sorry readers; I know I said one more chapter then the jump. But after nearly losing over 4000 words of writing when my laptop wouldn't start up, I decided to post it now and spilt the chapter into two parts. Hopefully part 2 doesn't take too long, I've already wrote quite a lot. This will include, Lexa finally opening up about her past to Clarke and a quick jump to her 18th birthday party.


	8. Chapter 8

Clarke had her earphones on lying in bed; her eyes were closed, as she tapped her fingers to the beat of the music.

" _Knock, knock, knocking on heaven's door. Feels like I'm knock, knock, knocking on heaven's door."_ Clarke sings in tune; her emotions echoing through the lyrics, as she sang. Her eyes become glossy, as she continued singing the chorus; the blonde needed to release some tension before she spiralled out of control.

She closed her blue eyes; letting the music flow through her veins. Clarke continued to sing when the song hit the chorus again, she poured her heart into each word, as they left her lips. The young girl let out a shaky breath when the song ended; her eyes fluttered open; now staring up at the ceiling, when a figure by her door caught her eye.

"Lexa!" Clarke gasped; she jumped out of bed, throwing her beats to the side. "What—" She cut herself off. "How long have you been standing there?"

"Long enough." The brunette smirks, lifting her eyebrows in amusement. "I'm sorry I did knock, but I guessing you couldn't hear me?" She added.

"Well this is embarrassing?" Clarke shifted uncomfortably; blinking away the tears that had formed from earlier.

"Is there anything you can't do?" Lexa joked; taking a seat on the chair by the dressing table. "You have a beautiful voice, Clarke. No need to be embarrassed." She comforted

"Thank you." The blonde relaxes back onto her bed with a blushed face. "I didn't think I would see you till tomorrow."

"I wanted to make sure you were okay." Lexa suddenly felt conscientious of the words she just released, since Abby's talk played on her mind. "Plus Anya needed a time out; she was caught cheating during a game we were playing." She smiled.

Clarke laughed. "Sometimes I wished I had a sibling, something like you and Anya have. Maybe things would be easier." Her voice finished in a sadden tone.

"You're not alone Clarke. You have your Mom and—."

"I can't talk to her." The blonde said in an odd tone.

"Of course you can, you're both—" Lexa quickly shut her mouth, trying to think of a more delicately way to say the last part. "You're both grieving."

"I know that." Clarke said frustratingly; dropping her head into her hands, moaning against the palm of them.

"What is it?" Lexa darted over to the bed, holding the blonde's arms to make her come out of the bubble she just created.

When the blonde girl showed her face, tears had streaked her face.

"You're going to think I'm a horrible person." Clarke sobbed.

"Hey, I could never think that." Lexa reassured the blonde.

Clarke's lips were trembling; the words too scared to echo out.

"Shortly after my Dad's-" The young girl was trying, but the words got caught in her throat, she couldn't finish the sentence; it brought too much pain into her heart.

"It's okay Clarke, you don't have-"

"I hated her, I was so angry at her." The blonde blurted out; guilt smothered the words that were released from her mouth.

It took a lot for Clarke to look at Lexa after her confession, when silence filled the air. She looked into her greens eyes, but she didn't see judgement or disgust. She saw empathy and sadness.

"Clarke" She finally spoke quietly. "It's natural to divert your feelings onto someone else during a difficult time. You don't need to carry this guilt around with you, and push your mom away in the process."

"She was never home for dinner, always at the hospital. I knew her career was important to her, but my Dad loved his job too and he never let me down. Even when we took our yearly summer trip to the Hamptons, she would cancel at the last minute due to work. My Dad was always there for me, I just wanted to see some memories of him, when I looked into her eyes after he was gone, but I couldn't see any of my happy memories that I had with my Dad. I just saw the cancellations, and the promises to make it up to us. I couldn't find comfort in her words back then but now when I look at her I feel so horrible for feeling that way in the first place."

"Clarke—" Lexa tried but the blonde kept talking.

"I know I'm a horrible person, she had just lost the love of her life." Clarke said staring into thin air, as the memories come flooding back.

"You both lost someone you deeply love, that should bring you closer together." Lexa was finally able to conclude.

"I hear her talking to him about me sometimes, and it breaks my heart to think I felt that way towards her. I'm a horrible person Lexa, she needed me and I couldn't help but feel so angry towards her at the beginning. I just shut myself away in my dad's office and I couldn't find my way back to her. I deserve to suffer from these panic attacks; I deserve everything that comes at me." Clarke gritted through her teeth.

"Clarke I know you feel defeated right now, but you can't keep hiding away. You are surrounded by people that care about you." Lexa stated in a harsher tone than she intended, but quite frankly she couldn't take this self-loathing talk from the younger girl.

The blonde was shocked by the tone Lexa was giving her; she's usually so caring and understanding. She knew the older girl was right, but she never seen this side of the brunette before.

"Life is cruel Clarke; there will always be struggles along the way. You won't be able to win every battle it throws at you, sometimes you're going to have to lose. But you don't have to take it lying down, you can get up after you have fallen and keep your head held high, not allowing yourself to break; you keep pushing on Clarke. It's normal to want to reach the other side; where there is light, but you've got to remember it's not about how fast you get there. Open your eyes you will see, it's about the journey to the other side that matters. What use is it if you're standing in the light, but that dark place is still hiding deep inside of you? Trust me Clarke I know how that feels, i don't want you to ever feel like that. You need to forgive yourself, so you can start healing." Lexa tried to remain stoic, but her eyes betrayed her.

Since coming face to face with Lexa for the first time when she walked through the Griffin household; the young girl quickly noticed something hidden deep in her eyes. A familiar look Clarke was accustomed to, she couldn't help but feel and immediate connection with the brunette that day. As the young blonde stared into Lexa's forest green eyes in this moment, it finally started to make sense. Lexa was hiding her own pain behind a façade she had portrayed too well, making it harder to see. But Clarke could see it now, she was taking in the brunette's words, realising that when things got hard, she would run to where she felt comfort, instead of standing strong and fighting her demons. She could already feel Lexa's words changing her for the better; giving her the courage and strength to push on passed this dark spell that has been casted upon her.

Clarke found herself wanting to know why Lexa would feel the need to put on a front, without thinking she blurted out.

"What happened, Lexa?"

The brunette's eyes went wide at the question; realising she had just stripped off her layers, making herself vulnerable in front of the blonde. She tried to play it cool.

"What do mean?"

"You said to trust you. That you know how it feels, and you don't want me to go through it." Clarke repeated.

Lexa closed her eyes; of course she wasn't going to get out of this one. Clarke was smart and intuitive, plus the older girl pretty much confessed that something happened. The brunette felt her muscles tighten, too busy with the thoughts that corrupted her mind, she wasn't aware of the awkward silence that was growing.

"I'm sorry! It's none of my business." The younger girl retracted; but it didn't change anything. Lexa remained rigid; the silence was insufferable for the younger girl.

The blonde broke the suffocating atmosphere with more babbling.

"It's just you've been there for me, listening to me, and I haven't being easy; keep running away when things get too hard to hear. But you haven't given up on me yet and I just want to do the same for you, I want to be there for you. I can't begin to tell you how much you've helped me, by making me open up to you. You made talking easy, and it made me feel lighter. You deserve that to Lexa, and-" Clarke stared at the back of the brunette's head, not receiving anything from the older girl causing her to lose the momentum in her speech.

"Stupid idea I know, I'm just a kid, and I bet you've got loads of people to talk to you. Why would you talk to me?" Clarke admitted in a defeated tone. "I'm going to get a drink." She lied, needing to escape the mess she just created.

Lexa could hear Clarke's non-stop talking in a distant, but truth was she was too distracted by the fear that invaded her body causing her to remain in a trance. She hasn't spoken to anyone about her past; the only people in town that knew were her family. When they moved to Polis nearly nine years ago, Lexa had begged them to promise to not tell anyone, that this move was about having a fresh start. She needed that because if people knew, it meant dragging up the past again, and the brunette knew she wouldn't be able to cope with the constant reminder. Lexa thought this would help heal the wounds in her chest, but little did she knew, she only built a wall around the broken heart; never letting anyone truly know who Lexa Woods is.

Somehow Clarke's situation caused a stir within Lexa; too many similarities hit close to home. She felt the truth bubbling to the surface and a scary thought crossed her mind; she knew she wouldn't be able to push it down this time.

She swallowed thickly, the words were on the tip of her tongue; she could already feel how foreign they feel. She let out a hasty breath, before her lungs had the chance to explode. She counted down from ten before releasing her heavy burden.

"Both my parents were killed instantly in a car accident when I was eight years old." Lexa blurted out; not knowing how to feel once the words left her mouth. Different emotions fought for domain, but none of them could dominate over the other. Whilst shock ripped through her body, she couldn't help but feel like she was finally able to breath for the first in nearly ten years. The brunette felt a small tug at her lips, when she thought how right Clarke was; she felt a tiny bit lighter. She had held this in for so long; she didn't know how Clarke did it but she made her feel like she couldn't keep it to herself any longer.

Clarke's mouth was ajar; she stopped her movements, her neck snapped back to the brunette, where she was meant me glossy green eyes.

"I—" she stuttered; wanting to say how sorry she was, but Clarke stopped remembering how pointless those words sound once spoken. She really didn't expect this revelation; she soon realised that something didn't add up; it didn't make sense to her. "But Anya mentioned your mom earlier, as if she was alive?" the blonde cursed herself for having a big gob.

"Anya is actually my cousin, but she's like the annoying older sister, that I'm glad I have." Lexa huffed out a light laugh. "She was referring to my Aunt Ali and Uncle Gustus, they adopted me after the accident."

Silence filled the room, the blonde not knowing what to say, as she looked at Lexa who looked like she was having an internal battle with her emotions. Clarke felt her world crash down right in front of her when her dad was taken from her, she couldn't comprehend how she would feel losing both her parents. The younger girl was glad when she was distracted away from the scary thought that corrupted her mind when Lexa continued speaking

"They might not be my birth parents and no one in the world, can ever replace them. But i admit certain days can be harder than others, where I'm not able to call them mom and dad, but they've earned those titles. I owe them everything; I made their lives difficult but they never gave up on me." The brunette again was overwhelmed by how each sentence felt like weight off her chest. She originally battled whether to tell Clarke she calls her Aunt and Uncle, Mom and Dad instead; worried the young girl might find it weird.

Clarke released a heart-warming smile; she could see the brightness in Lexa's eyes when she spoke about them. Just as quick as that look appeared, it disappeared in the brunette's frowning lines. The young girl could see she was fighting with her inner thoughts.

"For a long time, I felt guilty; there are days where I still do. I couldn't understand how I survived the accident and they didn't, I felt so out of place; it's hard to describe but it was like I stepped out of my body and when I came back the shoes no longer fitted." Lexa poured everything out to Clarke, that she didn't realise the girl's stunned face, and watery eyes.

"You were in the accident." Her voice was forced, as if it hurt to say the words out loud

Lexa mouth formed an 'O' shape. She soon realised she didn't mention that part.

She snapped out of her trance when the brunette spoke again.

"No one knows Clarke, so I'll appreciate if you wouldn't tell anyone. It's not something I can keep repeating or explaining." A tight smile was released from the older girl

"I will never tell anyone. I promise." Clarke said with sincerity radiating with every word.

Silence corrupted the air again. The younger girl remained silent by choice, she had lots of comforting words to say, but somehow she got the feeling this wasn't what Lexa wanted. However she was confused by the next words the older girl spoke.

"I feel like a hypocrite when I'm around you." Lexa let out a nervous laugh.

"Why?" Clarke frowned.

"I hated seeing you so closed off; I know exactly how that feels. The loneliness that engulfs you, it makes you spiral into a darkness where's it's hard to find any light in your life. I tried to make you open up to me, pushing you when I shouldn't off. I remember when my family did that to me, I felt so much guilt, I refused to accept their love and help. I hated it; i just wanted to be left alone. But ten years later, here I am doing the exact same thing to you. And I'm sorry for that"

"I'm glad you did." Clarke spoke truly. "I was stuck Lexa, my mom couldn't get through to me. I even closed myself off from my best friend in the world; so please don't apologise. I needed that push."

Comfortable silence engulfed the air once again, so much had already been said; both girls needed a moment to take everything in. It was Clarke who spoke first.

"Lexa?"

"Hmm" the brunette responded

"Do you still get nightmares about the accident? Do they ever go away or get easy?" Clarke nervously asked fingerling with tops of her nails

Clarke just kept taking Lexa by surprise. The blonde quickly noticed the look Lexa expressed, as she fought with her mind whether to lie to Clarke and give her the comfort she is seeking or to tell her the truth and admit something she's not even accepted herself. Always brushing of her mom's concerns telling her she's fine when she has them, when she clearly wasn't. Before Lexa could finish the debate that was happening in her mind, the blue eyed girl spoke breaking her thought process.

"Oh- I'm sorry you really don't have to answer that. Sometimes I can't control my curiosity or my big mouth. I always have to go too far, I really should learn to keep my mouth shut." Clarke gritted

"Clarke, you really do love to ramble on." Lexa light-heartedly laughed at the young girl's habit.

The blonde was grateful that she hadn't hurt the older girl's feelings; a blushing smile infected her face.

"You make me nervous." Clarke mindlessly said with a shrug

Lexa head snapped up at the blonde; staring at her with an unreadable look.

"I do?" she asked hesitantly;

"You're Lexa Woods" Clarke smiled

"You say my name, as if it's supposed to have some type of meaning behind it?" The older girl laughed

"It does, too me it does." The young girl lowered her head, suddenly feeling nervous. "You've done a lot for me Lexa. Thank you for tonight, i really glad you came."

"Me too. If you ever need to talk you know where I am." Lexa offered

Clarke nodded.

"I better get home; Anya is only allowed to be unsupervised for a few hours." Lexa smiled

The young girl released a laugh. "Tell her I said hi."

"Will do. Bye Clarke"

"Goodbye, Lexa. I'll see you tomorrow." The light in her blue eyes grew bright at the thought.

The brunette nodded, before leaving the bedroom.

Lexa knew she should off seen the signs at that moment, but she just saw a young girl going through a difficult time something the brunette could relate to, they had an innocent connection.

Xx

Much to Clarke's dismay the weeks started to fly by, all of Lexa's invitation were finished and sent out to everyone; this only reminded the blonde that the end of the summer was near. Against the blonde's better judgement instead of distancing herself away from Lexa, to help ease the pain for when she leaves to go to university; she embraced the remaining time. Not wasting a second of their time together; playing board games and PS4 games, she loved seeing Lexa competitive side. The blonde was only falling deeper for the older girl without realising it; she was too busy soaking up the happiness she was feeling when she was in her presence. It wasn't until a few weeks ago Lexa seemed distracted, always checking her phone, smiling at it like a goofball as she texted. Clarke wanted to know what changed but she never pressed, hoping the brunette would tell her soon, she never did.

Clarke concentrated making Lexa's Pokémon trainer jacket for her fancy dress party, she had taken her time perfecting it. She really wanted Lexa to love it.

Clarke was staring at the finished jacket hanging on her wardrobe hooks, in its black cover to keep it clean. It was the last night Lexa would be staying at the Griffin household; the day before her eighteenth birthday. The blonde felt sadness seeking through her pours, she had been in a mood all day. She hadn't been able to bring herself to cry yet, even though it was bubbling close to the surface. She could feel the tension in her body begging for its release, but she wasn't going to ruin her last day with Lexa by giving into what her body craved.

A knock on the door caused her eyes to snap away from the jacket and onto the door.

"Come in." she responded

"Hey you, everything okay?" Lexa greeted. Clarke knew this tone; the brunette has clearly spoken to her mom.

"Just having a bad day" The blonde shrugged; jumping of her bed and walking towards where the jacket was hanging.

"You want to talk about it" The older girl offered; taking a seat on the chair near the dresser, like she always did.

"I'm allowed to be sad Lexa." It came out harsh and cold. The blue eyed girl snapped her head round to look at green with a regretful expression; immediately seeing Lexa tightening her jaw and giving a stoic nod in confirmation.

"I'm sorry; I just don't want to talk about it. This is the last day we get to hang out before you leave."

"Clarke." Lexa simply says; acknowledgement conveying in her eyes. "You make it sound like we will never speak again."

"You're going to college, you'll meet new friends and you'll forget about the child that you babysat over the summer." The venom in the young girl's voice could be heard when she expressed their relationship. She hated being fourteen, wishing she was older.

"I can never forget you Clarke. Plus you're more mature than some of the boys I went to high school with." Lexa laughed. "You have my number Clarke, whenever you need to talk; I'll try my best to be there. I'm not going to abandon you, okay?"

Hope lit up blue orbs, a smile drawing itself on her face. "Really? You promise?"

"Of course. I promise." Lexa nodded.

Warmth spread like wildfire across the blonde's body, finding her heart swooning after the girl in front of her. She soon felt it deflate when the brunette spoke again

"I wouldn't just abandon you, we're friends right?"

"Right" Clarke reluctantly agreed, but her smile still beamed because Lexa would still be in her life. She will take what she can.

The blonde took a few steps closer to her wardrobe; picking up the jacket before walking over to Lexa and handing it to her. "I hope you like it, but if you don't please don't feel like you have to wear it. I made a few alterations."

Lexa eagerly unzipped it, and was in awe. It didn't look like a normal baseball jacket that retailers sell. It looked fierce and commanding, similar to the Assassin Creed jackets you find online. Lexa's hand runs over the green and black material; she immediately falls in love with it. The brunette was too distracted with the new addition to her outfit; she never noticed the realisation on Clarke's face, as she soaked in her favourite things in the world; Lexa's smile, and the happiness that radiates from her green orbs. Clarke was 100% in love with the girl in front of her, and she truly felt it in this precise moment.

She was on cloud nine for the rest of the night, not able to keep her eyes of the older girl.

Xx

The next day rolled around and Lexa had left early in the morning to get things prepared for her party.

Clarke had been sulking all day, knowing she wasn't going to see her favourite brunette tonight. Instead she was stuck with Mrs Wilson; seventy-year old lady who always has lipstick on her teeth.

She invited Octavia to sleep over, not wanting to be forced to watch one of Mrs Wilson's shows. They were in the middle of an episode of stranger things, when Clarke darted up and ran towards her wardrobe; opening it with force.

"Clarke? What's wrong?" The brunette paused the programme; watching her best friend rummaging in the closet, before pulling something out. "Oh I know that look." Octavia added warily; examining her best friend's face. "What is it?"

"I forgot to give Lexa her birthday present, I was so busy trying to distract myself from the fact that she's leaving. I forgot to give it to her!" Clarke was pacing up and down; holding the said present in a gift bag.

"Wow calm down, Clarke. Give it to her tomorrow." Octavia concluded; like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"What if I don't see her tomorrow O? She needs to get my present, she needs to know that I—

"Hold up, what exactly did you buy her? You're not going to confess your feelings for her by a means of a present? Right?" The brunette scrunched her face up in disgust.

"God no! if you had let me finish you would have known that."

"I'm sorry, continue." Octavia pulled an imaginary zip across her lips.

"She needs to know that she can achieve her dreams. That I believe in her." Clarke smiled; staring into the distance; her mind flooding with thoughts of Lexa.

The brunette studied her best friend's face, before she spoke. "What did you get her Clarke?"

"The same thing my dad got my mum, after their high school graduation." The blonde beamed with pride.

Octavia was in awe, shock evident on her face. She knew exactly what Clarke was talking about; she loved telling her that story about the day Jake gave Abby that gift. That's when the brunette realised the seriousness of Clarke's feelings towards the older girl.

"Clarke, What you doing?" Octavia questioned suspiciously; seeing the blonde dive into her wardrobe again.

"Get changed, we're going to Lexa's party." Clarke smiled brightly, whilst watching her best friends eyes widen.

xx

"I don't think this is a good idea Clarke" Octavia said; her face screwed up when she saw people sucking face with each other when they entered Lexa's house.

"I just want to give Lexa her present, and then we can leave." Clarke reassured distantly, as her eyes eagerly searched for the brunette.

"Why can't you give it to her tomorrow again?" Her best friend moaned, making their way further into the house.

"She leaves for College tomorrow."

Before Octavia could protest anymore Clarke tapped a stranger on the back.

"Do you know where Lexa is?"

The guy stared at her for a while trying to focus on the small figure in his drunken haze. "Aren't you a little too young to be at this party?"

"Aren't you a little too young to be drinking at this party?" Clarke mocked.

He smirked. "Touché, Lexa went upstairs, but maybe you should-."

"I'll be two seconds O." Clarke said; quickly making her way up the stairs not hearing the rest of the guy's sentence.

"You're just going to leave me here, alone!" the brunette growled, she huffed out a breath of annoyance when Clarke didn't respond. She looked around uncomfortably when she found an empty seat away from the party scene.

Xx

"Lexa?" Clarke called out, walking down the corridor not really knowing where she was going.

She made her way a little further down the hallway when she heard Lexa's voice; she smiled brightly heading towards the shut door.

The adrenaline that was crashing its way around her body was begging for its release; she hastily knocked on the door, but far too impatient for an actually reply she immediately opened the door

Clarke felt her heart sink into her stomach, as her body exploded with chilled goose-bumps at the sight that appeared in front of her.

A girl in just her bra and knickers had Lexa's clothed body pinned on the bed, their lips moulding together in a zealous kiss. Clarke's eyes wondered to the discarded jacket she made for the brunette tossed on the floor, causing her to clench her teeth with anger.

"Shit!" The hazel eyed girl laughed; crawling off Lexa's body to grab her batgirl outfit of the ground to cover her semi-naked body. "What the hell?" She added when she saw the young-girl at the door.

"Clarke?" Lexa said in a shocked toned.

The blonde didn't respond, she remained stunned, looking like a deer in headlines. She felt the cracks appearing on her heart with a hefty force, when she saw Lexa's lips on this random girl's face.

The gift bag that Clarke was carrying was slowly slipping out of her hand, when it suddenly hit the floor with a thud snapping the young girl out of her trance.

A pain expression corrupted her features, as Lexa started to walk towards her in a cautious manner.

Clarke turned sharply. She tried to swallow it down hard, but it was useless her eyes erupted with a flood of tears streaking down her face. She ran as far as her legs would carry her.

She could hear Lexa calling out after her; she was glad when the voice was drained by the loud music that bounced off the walls downstairs.

"Clarke?" Octavia shouted; she started to go after her best friend knowing something bad had happened. She looked behind her, when she saw Lexa apologising to a pretty brunette at the top of the stairs, before she sprinted down the stairs.

"Octavia?" Lexa gasped out. "Where's Clarke? Do you know where she went?"

"What happened up there?" Octavia questioned

Lexa tried to control the growl that wanted to leave her mouth. "Do you know where she went?" she repeated

"She left."

Lexa sprinted towards the opened front door without another word to the young brunette.

Xx

It didn't take long for Lexa to catch up with the fleeing blonde down the street.

"Clarke!" Lexa said; grabbing the girl's arm to make her stop running.

"Don't touch me." Clarke's face took the brunette by surprise; there was so much pain and anger staring into her green eyes. The blonde wiped the wetness of her face, hoping the darkness helped disguise it.

"I'm sorry." Lexa lets go immediately. "Can you please just stop running away from me."

"Why? You clearly have better things to do. I didn't mean to interrupt your night." The blonde snapped; turning her back to the older girl, starting to walk away again.

Lexa ran in front of her, blocking her path. "What's going on Clarke?"

"Just leave me alone!" Clarke shouted.

"If you think I'm going to leave you to walk alone, then you're crazy."

Clarke's eye softened for a split second, before she nudged passed Lexa knowing she wasn't going to shake her. They walked in silence for what seemed hours, but in reality it was more like a minute, give or take.

The young girl couldn't help the sniffling noises her breathing made alerting Lexa to her current state.

"Clar—"

"Who is she?" The blonde said in a defeated tone.

"Her name is Costia. She will be living in my dorm when I move to Harvard tomorrow. I never meant for you to-" Lexa stuttered she didn't know how to word it; she was embarrassed about the situation; it's not really something she does at parties.

The blonde gritted her teeth, looking up at the clear sky; trying desperately trying to hold back the tears, as she felt her heart clench in her chest at the news. She already forgot the girl's name.

"You never once spoke about her. I thought we spoke about everything, ugh how stupid am I? i was nothing but dollar signs to you. Were you faking it this whole time? I thought you were my friend." The blonde raged in anger; her steps were more forceful, as she tried to storm off.

Lexa tried to respect Clarke's instructions to not touch her, but shock clouded her judgement when she heard the young girl's words. She gently grabbed her wrist, making the blue eyed girl stop her movements and face her "That's not true! How could you possibly think that, Clarke?"

"I should have seen the signs." The blonde removed her arm away from Lexa's grasp. "You've been so distracted on your phone lately, smiling and laughing to yourself, as you typed. It was because of her right?"

"Yes" Lexa shuddered; she didn't realise how absent she had been the blue-eyed girl's presences. She suddenly felt she had failed the blonde in some way.

New tears fell from Clarke's eyes when she tried to force them back whilst blinking harshly. It wasn't until now how she wished she had listened to Octavia, instead of allowing her feelings to grow towards Lexa.

"I'm so stupid, Octavia warned me but I wouldn't listen." The young girl sobbed

"What are you talking about Clarke, you're not making sense? Octavia warned you about what?"

"You." Clarke made complete eye contact with green ones. "I couldn't help it, but I didn't know it would feel like this. I just want it to stop, it hurts so much." The blonde cried out.

She was left speechless, Abby's words replayed in her head. Lexa glanced away from Clarke, as she closed her eyes to fight back her own tears forming; she sucked in her lips trying to gain her composure.

Lexa had heard Abby's warning, but she couldn't see the truth behind the words. She cursed herself for being so stupid and reckless with Clarke; only ever wanting to help her, but here she stands seeing the pain she has caused the young girl.

"Clarke-" She stutters out, the blonde must have read something on her face, as she felt the need to defend herself

"I know, I'm just a child to you" She laughed sadly. "But please don't patronize me, I didn't make up the connection we have Lexa, I felt it and I know how I feel about you. I mean look at you, you're perfect."

"I'm not perfect Clarke." Lexa corrected; she wanted comfort her, desperately wanting to tell her she's not a child, but the older girl didn't know how too without making things worse. The blue-eyed girl was right; they did have a connection but for Lexa is was nothing more than friendship.

"I wish you could see what I see." The blonde sniffed, getting a better hold of her emotions.

The brunette could see the adoration when she looked into Clarke's blue eyes; she flicked her green ones away not able to deal with the emotions radiating from the young girl when all Lexa felt was loathe towards herself. She mentally kicked herself, not knowing how she could have missed that. She didn't reply, she continued walking with Clarke towards the Griffin household.

Xx

They finally reached the porch of Clarke's house.

The blonde turned on her heels not wanting to go in before getting something of her chest.

"I'm sorry if I ruined your birthday, I just wanted to give you your birthday present." Clarke's blue orbs were watery, the street lights making them glisten. "I-I don't know where it is." She started to panic.

"Calm down Clarke, it's in my room."

The blonde nodded, she could feel Lexa staring at her, but she refused to meet her green eyes.

"I'm sorry" Lexa breathed out; not able to keep the battle she was having with herself in anymore. "I never wanted to hurt you; I didn't believe I could, only wanted to help you through what I went through. I thought you needed me." She swallowed hard; she wasn't going to let her emotions reach the surface. "I know now I've only made things worse."

"That's not true Lexa, I needed you." Clarke protested; new tears were falling down her face; she hated seeing Lexa like this. She grabbed her hand to comfort her.

"You're the strongest person I know, you'll be fine; you'll see." Lexa gentle pulled away from Clarke's grip.

The young girl didn't like how that sounded, something in the brunette's voice, caused unwanted goose-bumps to travel down her spine.

Clarke watched the warm hand slip out of her own, her face started to tremble, as the tension of her emotions were begging to pour out. Lexa didn't have to say the words; Clarke knew what was coming, when she saw the brunette turn away from her.

Lexa eyes were threatening to show her own pain, so she quickly grabbed the blonde into a hug. "I have to go Clarke. Goodbye."

She made a swift turn, making her way back to her house; she hoped she will find the space to finally breathe. Lexa couldn't bear to look back at the young girl, knowing she would see the heartbreak she has caused, but she believed it was for the best. She could hear the cries of a broken hearted teenager; Lexa walked faster, but she couldn't outrun the emotions that were seeking through, as tears fell from her green eyes.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry" She muttered lowly

xx

The anguish that was building on Clarke's chest came pouring out when Lexa turned to leave. She fell to the floor, her lips trembling, as tears fell from her face. There were sudden and abrupt jerks to her chest, when she tries to breathe in the dense air.

"Lexa!" she cried out. "You said you wouldn't leave me! Lexa!"

She swallowed thickly, sobbing when she tried to catch her breathe. He cursed herself for ruining everything. She couldn't tear her eyes away from Lexa's retreating form, tears continued to fall, but her breathe started to slowly returned to a normal pace.

She looked up to the sky, trying to find comfort, as she thought about her father. Suddenly her favourite poem popped into mind, one her dad always used to read to her. She tried to focus on Lexa's dark figure in the distance but her teary eyes were proving it to be difficult. Clarke began to recite.

"In peace may you leave the shore,

In love may you find the next,

Safe passage on your travels,

Until your final journey to the ground,

May we meet again. Goodbye Lexa."

* * *

I'M SO SORRY! I know you properly hate me, but i will fix it.

Thank you so much to those who reviewed, it means so much to me. I will try and make time to respond to them individually.

Let me know what you think.

Thanks for being patient with me x


	9. Chapter 9

So I know absolutely nothing about the modelling industry, but I do know fashion show week in New York is usually in February, however for my story to work it's during the summer, so try not to hold it against me

People who reviewed on the last chapter, I've replied; you can find the comments after the chapter.

* * *

Four years later...

Lexa exits the airport terminal with a crowd of people from her flight. She looks around seeing people reunite with their loved ones; a sad smile grows on her face. The brunette deeply sighs, as the nerves of her visit sit heavily on her chest.

Once she makes it outside, she walks over to a taxi, who rolls his window down.

"Queen's Gallery; on fifth avenue please." She informed.

He nodded with a smile. "Let me help you with your suitcase." The bald headed man got out of the car and put the case in the trunk before getting back in.

Lexa enter the taxi while searching through her bag, when an idea popped into her head. "Scratch that. Do you know any floral shops nearby first?"

"I got the perfect place." The cab driver smiled into the rear mirror, before switching them to the road, as he pulled off. "Surprising someone?"

Lexa tightly smiled, she hates making small talk.

"Yes I am" was all she offered in response.

"Not much of a talker, huh? He laughed.

"I'm sorry." Lexa replied sheepishly

"No, don't apologise. It's fine."

The silence hung in the air, which made Lexa's body twitch in discomfort. She went to open her mouth several times, but the words never left her mouth. She gave up and decided to look out the window, she was finally in New York; a smile absentmindedly crept on to her face, as thoughts of her girlfriend crossed her mind. She was ready to talk.

"I haven't been- a very good girlfriend lately; hence the flowers." She grinned awkwardly

The cab driver's eyes snapped up at the rear view mirror, as he heard the brunette's voice, darting them back to the road a second later.

"I'm sure you'll be forgiven but flowers are always a nice touch. At least that's what my wife says." He smiled through his laughter.

"Hmm, I took an earlier flight than planned." Lexa was stiff with her words; she knew why she hated small talk; it's because she's terrible at it. She always caused an awkward atmosphere.

"Well i bet the person you're surprising will be-" He paused suddenly not knowing what to say, the words that left his mouth made him feel stupid. "-well surprised." He chuckled; the tension was obviously getting to him too.

"I hope so." She smiled sadly.

The driver glanced at her one more time, but he knew not to press; she was already in her own world watching the scenery outside the window. They rode the rest of the way in silence.

Xx

Clarke sighed heavily; feeling the relief of her weight being off her feet, as she slumped into her comfy chair near her work station. It has been a long day already, and the clock is yet to strike noon. Her internship challenged her greatly, having 5am starts. There had even been days where she was called back in; not getting home till the early hours off the morning. The blonde wouldn't dare complain to anyone; she knew what a rare opportunity it was to be working for Nia Queen. She is one of the hottest fashion designers in the business after all. Clarke hopes it will give her the experience to help her to achieve her dream, in owning her own company one day. Besides is not always like this, but with fashion show week being less than a week away, there were a lot of things to do.

Clarke glanced at her father's watch: it wasn't the latest design causing glares from certain people in the workplace. But those looks weren't worth the blonde's time to process or to show she cared; the item had real value to her and not just some price tag to wave around.

She groaned, knowing she only had a small break before heading back into the chaos. They were practicing the runway schedule; making sure the models knew what order they would go in, with their assigned clothing from Nia's collection

Clarke hummed soothingly, feeling her eyelids becoming too heavy to keep open; she didn't bother putting up a fight, she gave into her body's demand.

Just as they were about to close, she heard someone frantically barge through the door.

"Clarke! Nia is going to fire me, and if you're fired by the Queen herself your career is officially over. I've been a model since I was six years old. I love my job! You have to help me Clarke." The tall blonde cried out.

"Niylah calm down, what happened?" Clarke internally groaned, once the weight was back on her feet.

"I was practicing my walk for the rehearsal in the changing area and then I accidently stepped on it. I've ruined a $60,000 dress!" The model's eyes were wide with fear, as she showed Clarke the damaged.

"Ni-" Clarke was cut off immediately.

"Oh god, it's not fixable, is it? I'm so fired" Niylah exasperated

"Calm do—"

"What the hell am I going to? I've only ever wanted to do modelling"

"Niylah!" Clarke flicked her forehead, to snap her out of her rant.

"Oww! What the hell, Clarke?" The tall blonde rubbed the area that was hit.

"Listen to me before that vein pops out of your head. It's an easy fix."

Niylah felt relieve wash over her. "Seriously?"

"Nia Queen will never know, I promise. I need you take your dress off now." Clarke prompted turning around preparing her sewing machine.

A cocky smirked corrupted the model's face. "I wished this would have happened sooner."

"What?" Clarke questioned; not turning around, as she sorted out the equipment she needed.

"Well it took nearly a month to get you, to get me out of my clothes, and now here you are just demanding it." She laughed.

"Niylah" She gently warned, while she blushed. Clarke still had the scratches on her back from the after party the other night.

"You make it too easy." Niylah grinned; she loved how easy it was, to make the blonde's face turn red. It became one of her favourite things to do.

Clarke has always had a competitive side, she wasn't going to back down; she was never going to allow the model to think she got the better of her.

The intern swayed her hips, as she walked towards the blonde in a sultry manner. She wrapped her arms around Niylah, abruptly pulling her closer to her body. She immediately saw the model's cocky demeanour diminish into thin air.

Clarke felt Niylah's shaky breath on her lips; she glanced down at them before flickering her blue eyes to meet hazel. It was the younger girl's turn to wear the proud smirk, she could see Niylah was about to break.

As on queue the model went to lean forward to capture the lips, she finds herself daydreaming about. To her disappointment she felt Clarke pull back, and with that movement Niylah's $60,000 dress fell to the floor.

Clarke's laughter interrupted the silence in the room. She knew it was cruel, but if the model could see her face; she would laugh too, the adorable pout she was wearing on her lips.

The blue-eyed blonde placed a kiss on Niylah's cheek, whilst handing her a robe. "I'm sorry, but Nia will be arriving any second now and this was her favourite dress from the collection, so I need to get to work."

"Why didn't you say something earlier!? How long will it take?" The blonde squealed out in fear; stepping out of the dress and practically throwing it at the younger woman, like it was a ticking time bomb.

The model's heart rate starting racing for a different reason; when she saw Clarke suck her lips into her mouth, as blue eyes roamed her body. In one drawn out movement Niylah put on the robe, not missing the tension that filled the air.

Clarke cleared her throat, hoping to diffuse the thoughts that were corrupting her mind; she laughed at Niylah's change of behaviour whenever Nia was mentioned. Her laughter came to an abrupt stop when she noticed something; causing a frown to take over her features.

"What are they?" she spoke; pointing at the model's feet.

"The reason I'm in this mess. I don't know why they selected these shoes to go with that dress."

"They didn't. Where did you get them from? Why didn't Ontari notice this before?" Clarke snapped

"She was the one that gave them to me; said _they look super cute with that dress_." Niylah mocked the brunette's voice.

"Tell me she didn't?" Clarke buried her forehead in her hand, rubbing it slowly where the headache had started to form.

Niylah nodded in confirmation causing a growl to form in the younger blonde's throat.

Ontari made Clarke's blood boil. The blonde worked tirelessly to get this once in a life opportunity; interning for the famous Nia Queen. She literally poured her heart and soul into her work to get noticed by the fashion designer, and it paid off. However Ontari got it handed to her on a silver-platter, being Nia's favourite niece and all. She didn't even seem interested in fashion, she just made Clarke's job twice as harder.

"Please make sure you tell Ontari, to give you the pair Nia specifically selected to go with this piece."

"Will do boss, and Clarke." Niylah stepped forward invading her personal space. "I wonder how I'm going to repay you for saving my job." She smirked leaning down to the younger girl's lips giving them a ghostly kiss, before confidently walking out the room with her newfound boldness.

Clarke bit her bottom lip, watching the model exiting the door; before shaking her head, as she laughed to release the tension in her body. The blonde made her way towards her sewing machine.

"I still don't know why my mother hired you?" A laughter erupted by the door. "You're quite the distraction to her models."

"You would know" Clarke jokingly winked at the beautiful brunette leaning against the door. "What are you doing here, anyway? I thought you were going to your gallery today?"

"I was supposed to, but then one of the models has pulled out of the show unexpectedly." There was tone in her voice that Clarke couldn't quite decipher.

"Yeah I heard about that, but I thought Nia found—" Clarke rambled on, but then everything started to click into place. "You're the replacement."

"I think my mom is trying her best to make sure my gallery, doesn't have an opening day. Who knows maybe she will save me the embarrassment of having a failed business" She sadly scoffed.

"Costia, I've seen your artwork; you're so talented, you've already accomplished so much. Please do not wafer now, when you are so close to reaching your dreams. You need to put yourself first for a change, just tell Nia no next time."

Costia's half-hearted smile soon changed to an amused one, with her eyebrows rising for effect "You trying telling the Ice Queen no."

"Ssshh don't let her hear you call her that. It's bad enough the models call her that behind her back." Clarke smiled

"Where do you think they got the nickname from? I pretty sure they were my first words." Costia smirked proudly.

"You're so bad." The blonde snickered, as she evaluated the dress.

"So I've been told." She shrugged casually.

Costia soon found herself staring at Clarke who made her way behind her sewing machine; the blonde grabbed her framed glasses from their case, finding it hard to focus on the fabric that was in her hand.

Blue eyes looked up at the brunette who'd become oddly silence.

Costia cleared her throat, but what she desperately wanted to do; was to break the tension that just occurred in her body, she doesn't know why she just zoned out. She has seen Clarke in her glasses before, but this time she couldn't tear her hazel eye's away from the attractive blonde.

"I was going to rescue you from this circus act, and take you to lunch. You look like you could do with the break. Plus I'm starving" The brunette moaned

"I would love nothing more, but I have a million and one things to do; including fixing this dress before Nia gets here."

"I don't know if you know this, but I know your boss. I'll just tell her I kidnapped you. But first, you really do need to fix that dress that was the ice queen favourite dress; heads will roll if you don't do your magic on it." Costia walked over the ruined dress, putting her finger through the ripped fabric

"Okay, you twisted my arm. If Nia asks I put up a hell of fight." Clarke laughed; flickering the brunette's finger out of the way.

Costia grinned. "You got yourself a deal, Griffin."

Xx

"Here you go; Queen's Gallery on fifth avenue."

Lexa's chest felt hollow, her heart had sunk deep into her body. The fast vibrations of her heartbeat echoed through her every neuron; causing goose-bumps to spread like wildfire on her body. She breathed deeply through her nasal cavity and released the rapid building tension in her chest with the nervy breathe that left her lips.

The driver noticed the brunette's hesitation to get out of the car.

"You're going to be fine, just remember to give the flowers then the apology. I've learnt it's always best to show them first, always puts them in a better mood."

Lexa smiled. "Thanks for the advice, it's good to know." She looked at the meter, pulling at her purse, handing him the cash with a nice tip. "I suppose it's now or never." She took a deep breath before stepping out of the taxi.

"Goodbye."

"Goodbye, thanks for everything." She nodded with a warming smile.

The brunette was now left standing with the luggage at her feet once the cab had left; she smiled proudly at her girlfriend's building, she has accomplished so much. A twinge of guilt poked through the happiness that was once displayed a moment ago, when Lexa's mind come to a realisation; she wasn't here to see it.

That's the problem with long distance relationships; you tend to miss out on important things. There was no excuse though; people in the world are separated by countries and ungodly time zones; Lexa was only separated by four hours and it's been almost seven months since she last saw her girlfriend. The brunette was on her own driven path to reach her dreams, she took studying and exams very seriously, always shutting down her girlfriend's plea to come visit her in New York. Lexa efforts achieved her to finish top of her class, which is one of the reasons she has come to New York, she has been invited to act, as an personal assistant to the top-leading surgeons across the states, allowing the chosen few to learn from them; to sit in on their lecturers to get experience on what it's takes to become a successful surgeon, before they start Medical School.

Mindlessly caught up in her thoughts, she didn't realise the banner that said 'opening soon' splashed across one of the windows. She tries the door, but it's locked. The brunette rings the bell, but no one answers.

She frustratingly turns around looking at the crowd of people and traffic filter through the streets. Lexa curses under her breath; this is why she hates surprises they never go according to plan.

The brunette grabs her phone out of her bag, scrolling through her contacts before hitting the call button.

" _Hey, this is Costia. Sorry-"_

Lexa buried her head into her hand; she had heard this voicemail message many times to be fooled by it.

She growled; really hating the idea that popped into her head. She dialled another number.

" _Hello, Nia Queen's office. Please hold-"_

" _No wait."_ Lexa pleaded, but the holding tone evaded her ears. She released a frustrated cry from her throat, she hanged up the call. It would be quicker to go the Queen's Headquarters than wait on hold.

"Taxi" The brunette yelled; her arm stretch in the air to get their attention.

Xxx

An hour and half later Lexa ended up at Skylight Clarkson Square on Washington Street, the venue where Fashion Show Week was being held. She sighed heavily when she saw security detail outside of the building, like she hasn't had to jump through enough hoops today.

One of the security guards steps away from his post, making his way towards her. "Do you have your access I.D card?"

"No I don't have an access i.D"

"Then I'm sorry, I can't let you in ma'am, this is a private event." He informed; signalling her to leave the way she came.

Lexa let out a strangled laugh, the man looked back at the young security guard still at his post with a look to suggest this girl is bat-shit crazy.

"Why am I not surprised? It's like the universe is punishing me for something." She looked at the man who looked very confused, so she continued." If you even knew what kind of day I've had so far, just to find my girlfriend? She told me that she has been working at her Gallery, because she has this big opening day to organise. So you can imagine that was my first stop, but god forbid she would be there when I visit her after seven months. So I do the unthinkable and phone her mother's headquarters to find out where she was. I wanted to keep the surprise alive, you know; but I got put on hold. So I decide to just go to Nia Queen's office, only to be told that both Nia and Costia were here; another thirty minutes' of awkward talking to the cab driver. Then I get here, and I hit another obstacles. So I would really appreciate it, if you would just let me in the building; someone in there can verify who I am." Lexa exasperated her short winded story.

"You're Lexa Woods. We were told to expect you." The security guard perked up.

"I should have introduced who I was first, instead of bombarding you with all of that." Lexa smiled sheepishly.

The man smiled "Murphy will escort you to reception."

"Thank you."

Xx

"I'm sorry Miss Woods, but Costia is not here at the moment, she went out for lunch."

Lexa wanted to hit her head against the wall; this was getting beyond ridiculous now.

"I'll show you to her assigned dressing room, you can wait for her there; she should be back soon."

The brunette gave a weak smile. "That would be great thank you."

Lexa only wait another fifteen minutes when the door to the dressing room opened, and there she was finally face to face with her girlfriend.

"Lex" Costia beamed with joy. The happiness in her voice made it harder for Lexa to stay in her negative mood, but the excitement/ nerves in her body had deflated after the afternoon from hell. "I thought you were in Alaska for two more days."

"I took an earlier flight. These were in better condition." Lexa said sadly; as she lifted the bunch of flowers of the sofa, as she made her way towards the hazel-eyed beauty. "I went to your gallery first, but it was closed. Nia's third, or maybe fourth assistant told me you were here."

"Yeah, Nia asked me to model for her latest collection for fashion week." Costia informed warily; her girlfriend's tone wasn't a happy one.

Lexa sighed heavily; she should be wrapped up in her girlfriend's arms, instead she knows what direction this conversation is going in.

"I saw your gallery Costia, it's amazing what you've achieved, why are you allowing her to drag you back into that world." A tone of disappointment radiated of each word spoken, something her girlfriend picked up on.

"She's not doing anything to me, a model pulled out and she needed me to step in." Costia defended. "And what do you mean by ' _that world'."_

"The constant after parties, I don't even need to be there to know how out of control they can get. I still remember the drunken calls and the time you missed our Skype dates because you were too hangover." Lexa argued back.

"It's called having fun Lexa! Maybe if you got your head out of a textbook and actually lived a little, you might have some of your own." The venom that was spat in her words dissipated quickly, her face immediately showed shame at her outburst.

"Lex—"

"I didn't come here to fight with you." Lexa interrupted

"I know, I don't want to fight either. I'm sorry, I didn't mean it." Costia placed the flowers on the table, before rubbing her hands up her girlfriend's arms.

"Yes you did." Lexa nodded sadly. "And you're right; I haven't had any fun for a while, but I'm in New York now. Maybe you can show me?" A half smile grew on her face, as she shrugged at the suggestion.

Costia stepped closer to her girlfriend and engulfed her in desperate hug. "I didn't mean it; I know how important becoming a surgeon is to you. Whenever it comes to my mother we always argue and I'm tired of it. I haven't seen you in seven months and the first thing we do is argue." She moved to rest her head against the brunette's. "I've missed you." She barely whispered.

A smile reached Lexa's face, as she moved her lips onto Costia's. "I missed you too."

"Thank you for the flowers, they're beautiful." The hazel eyed beauty compliments, as she cupped her girlfriend's face. Before she could make contact with them again; someone barged in like they owned the place.

"Costia, what were you thinking-" A sharp featured woman started to complain, when she realised what she walked in on. "Lexa? Well this is a surprise; I didn't know you were coming to New York." The woman spoke monotonously.

"It's nice to see you too, Nia." Lexa musters up the energy to put on fake smile, but her voice matches Nia's.

Nia gives a wicked smile, before turning her attention to her daughter.

"Since you decided to steal my number one intern for nearly an hour and a half on an impromptu lunch, we are behind schedule. So can you please hurry up and get to dress rehearsals."

"Mom that poor girl needed a break, she has been working her ass; I didn't give her a choice, so if you're looking for someone to blame."

The older woman was quick to stick up her index finger to silence her daughter. "I'm not here to place blame, just need you to get to rehearsals."

"So Ontari is enjoying her internship?" Lexa spoke to Costia

A devil grin corrupted Nia's sharp features.

"Oh no dear, as much as love my niece; she is not my number one. This is another intern. She's extremely talented for her age, and pretty too. Maybe you should stay and watch the dress rehearsals. Your more than welcome."

Lexa bit her tongue, she knew exactly what this evil witch was doing, and she will be damned, if she lets her get a satisfactory pleasure from it.

"I would love too." She replied with a fake smile.

Xx

"I expected the stage to be bigger." Lexa voiced; staring at the hectic scene before her. There was a team of professional's accessible lightening equipment in the room, as well chair organising and reserving each one with a name.

"You'll be surprised by how many people say that, but trust me when you do the catwalk; it feels like you're walking forever."

"I think I would run the opposite away, I couldn't have all that attention on me." The brunette shivered at the thought.

"It's a shame though; you would make an amazing model with your jawline." Costia smiles, as she runs a finger along Lexa's jaw. "Your beautiful green eyes." The brunette's index finger moved to tuck a piece of her girlfriend's hair behind her ear; staring into those captivating green orbs. "Your long tanned legs; I really am the lucky one, huh?" She laughs cupping Lexa's face. "You're stunning."

"You're not so bad yourself." Lexa replies hoarsely; leaning in to close the gap between them, barely centimetres away when a very loud repetitive sound jumped them apart.

Nia walked into the room, slapping her hands together repeatedly to get the attention of the workers.

"I need this room cleared for an hour for dress rehearsals." She commanded

"The Ice Queen has impeccable timing as ever." Lexa groaned.

Costia nudged her playfully; placing a kiss on her cheek. When she pulled away she saw Clarke enter the room with her glasses on.

"Babe, I want you to meet someone." Costia beamed, as she grabbed her girlfriends hand to guide her the way.

"Griff" she shouted.

Clarke turned around, the gleeful smile that was prominent on her face, evaporated when she come face to face with the brunette that broke her heart; in more ways than one.

"I want to introduce you to someone. This is my girlfriend-" Costia happily vocalized; before she was cut off.

"Lexa" Clarke's breathed hitched as she spoke, causing the last syllable to roll her tongue for a second longer.

Lexa furrowed in confusion for a split second, her head slighting turning, as she took in the beautiful blonde in front of her. She did look familiar, but no identification was made in her mind. She stepped closer to the girl, getting a better look at her; there's no way she could forget a face like that. When her green eyes met blue, she didn't expecting the weight that came crashing down on her chest, she recognised that pained look in those ocean blue eyes, it was burned in the back of her mind since she saw it last.

"Clarke." She breathed out

"You know each other?" Costia glance back and forth between the two girls.

Firstly Clarke noticed the guilt that corrupted Lexa's green orbs, as she stared wide eyed at the blonde. She saw the brunette disguise her surprise with a stoic look, but she never was able to fool Clarke with her façades. Secondly this was the first time that Clarke experience the human instinct to fight or flight in four years. She knew when she was younger that she had a tendency to run away from her feelings, her problems in general. But a lot had changed in that time; she became a fighter, she always stood her ground, but it became a surprise to her when her fourteen year old self was screaming at her to run, as fast as her legs would carry her. So when she tried to follow her inner instinct to run, her feet betrayed her; remaining firmly on the ground, as her eyes were lost in those green ones.

And lastly Clarke quickly became aware of how much time had passed of her and Lexa just staring at each other without a word being said, the painfully growing tension only getting worse was being witness by Costia.

"Um- Lexa and I went to the same high school together, my mum actually hired her to become my sitter, when my-" Clarke briefly paused; mentally changing the original sentence in her head; something that didn't go unnoticed by Lexa. "-when my mom worked the night shifts."

"Oh my god, Clarke!" Costia beamed; the way she pronounced the blonde's name, as if it had a different meaning now.

Clarke was surprised by the outburst; clearly the brunette knew something she didn't. She stole a glance at Lexa who closed her eyes briefly, as if she was in pain; her knuckles turning white from hands gripping tightly.

"Lexa told me a lot about you, when we first started speaking over the Harvard chat. It all makes sense now." Costia laughed amusingly, clearly not noticing Clarke's façade deteriorating rapidly, as it all come crashing to a halt.

"Cos—" Lexa finally spoke

"The half-naked girl I walked in on, that was you." Clarke's voice was small and vulnerable, but then Lexa noticed something switched in those blue eyes. "Sorry about that." She croaked out a laugh.

"What a small world, huh?" the hazel eyed brunette bellowed, engulfing Clarke in a hug. "I can't believe that was you, I hope I didn't scar you for life with my body" she winked

"You wished. I was actually embarrassed that night. I just wanted to give Lexa her present, I-I never expected—" Clarke tried to keep up pretences, but it was becoming difficult with every word she spoke. She cursed herself, she thought she got over the heartache of that night, but after seeing Lexa; it was like she was fourteen again.

"You know she never opened that present; still sits on the top of her wardrobe, at her parent's house." Costia informed; nudging her girlfriend playfully.

Lexa couldn't make eye contact with Clarke, when she saw how fast blue wanted to meet green. This situation was becoming uncomfortable for the brunette, but not because of the awkward tension that was suffocating the air. However more to do with the innocent blue eyed woman, who was fighting to keep up a smokescreen, but with every word Costia spoke, it seemed to dissipate piece by piece.

Clarke opened her mouth; somehow summoning the strength to actually talk to the ever so silent Lexa, when a voice broke her concentration.

"Cos, can you get back stage, before Auntie's head explodes. You need to get changed for dress rehearsals." Ontari moaned

She didn't answer her, quickly turning back to the two girls.

"That's my cue, maybe we can go out for drinks later? Catch up properly" Costia proposed; giving a quick kiss to Lexa's cheek.

Clarke bit the inside of her cheek, whilst nodding in acceptance.

"Great." Lexa gritted through her teeth.

Once her girlfriend disappeared behind stage, the brunette found her voice.

"Clarke, I'm so sorry."

"For what?" Clarke baited; her tone was unreadable. "For leaving my fourteen year old self crying on a porch, or for promising me that you wouldn't leave me."

Lexa was caught off guard; her lips parted slightly not knowing what to say to the outburst. The words weren't laced with venom; they seemed hollow in context. The brunette locked eyes with blue ones again, but couldn't keep eye contact; she was ashamed of herself. Just as the English language was forming in her mind, the blonde spoke again.

"It was a long time ago. It was a silly crush okay?" Clarke began, but in the words she just spoke; she wondered if she was trying to convince the little girl that remained inside of her. "It's a cliché to fall in love with the sitter, right? Like a rite of passage to adulthood." The blonde laughed nervously.

"Love?" Lexa barely whispered, but Clarke heard it; her laughing comes to an abrupt stop.

 _Crap!_

* * *

Sorry for the huge wait. I suck I know, but finally the jump is here. I struggled deeply with this chapter; there were so many different directions this could have gone in, so I just settled with this one before my head exploded, so in all honesty not my greatest chapters. So my apologies for that.

Let me know what you think.

* * *

 **My reply to comments**

 **Guest**

Clarke will try and force everything down, so you can expect some cold, distant and reckless behaviour because there's only so much than she can take. Thanks for the review, sorry for the delay.

 **Lovesy12**

I will eventually make it up to you with a happy clexa ending . Yes I thought it was the perfect time to do the jump, so im glad you agree. You continuous support means a lot, thank you.

 **Guest**

I'm sorry guest, I will make it up to you.

 **Emma0605**

Thanks for the review. You're right, Clarke won't be pining for Lexa, because she's too busy dealing with the resurfaced feeling of heartbreak etc, so it will make her cold towards Lexa. She will try and push everything down, as if it didn't happen. Which isn't the best way to cope!

 **We all fall here**

The four year jump is here! I really do appreciate your support and investment in my story, even when it doesn't seem good to your health! There will be a happy ending, just the journey to that will take time, sorry about that

 **Guest**

Sorry to keep you waiting guest reader, thanks for your support to my story, means a lot.


	10. Chapter 10

Continues from the last chapter.

Plus;

Lexa has her big day at the hospital.

Niylah comforts a distant Clarke.

People who reviewed on the last chapter, I've replied; you can find the comments after the chapter.

xx

Clarke's body started to fail her greatly. It starts with the panic that invaded her blue eyes, an unwanted emotion to be presented in front of someone that doesn't deserve anything from her. Then it was her tongue; helplessly flapping up and down with no avail in producing any words that could help explain what she meant. She soon grew tired of her body's deception; she shoved every emotion she was experiencing into the dark hole that loomed inside of her.

A gasp of air was forced out, as Clarke took charge of her tongue; forcing it to produce words. "I meant in general, I wasn't saying that I—" The blonde stopped, her eyes met green. It would be so easy to fall back into them, but Clarke wasn't fourteen anymore; those feelings had gone. At least that's what she was telling herself under the gaze of the brunette. Clarke could still see the darkness that harboured in those green orbs; she hasn't seen that haunting since Lexa confined in her about the death of her parents. _So why has it come back?_ The blonde quickly got lost in her thoughts wondering if she still has that same look buried in her own eyes, after the four years that had passed since losing her dad. _Does it ever go away?_

"Clarke." Lexa pronounced the syllable effortlessly, yet the click of the 'K' stood with attention. "You don't have to explain anything to me."

The intern tightens her jaw, soaking in the truth of those words; she really didn't have to, so why was she trying so hard to explain. She nodded in understanding.

"I really should be getting back to work." she concluded; she was done talking with the brunette.

"Of course, it was good to see you again." Lexa said sincerely

Clarke only offered half a smile, before she turned to walk towards the stage; when a hand grabs hold of her wrist.

"Clarke." Lexa voice was suddenly rushed, she realised her spontaneous actions and released the young girl's wrist. "Costia—" she breathed, but nothing followed.

"What about Costia?" The blonde furrowed in confusion; seeing the alarm look in those green orbs

"She doesn't know."

The blonde was getting tired of the cryptic short sentences. "Doesn't know what Lexa?"

"About my parents." She blurted out.

"You haven't told her?" _That explains why that darkness lingers in her eyes; she still hides from its contents._

"No. So I really need you to not tell her, or to bring it up." The plead in her voice, nearly made the blonde want to offer her comforting words, until an anger rose and fought for dominance.

"Who do you think you are?" Clarke spat.

"Excuse me?"

"Do you even have any remorse about the way you just left me? Because I don't think you do." The harshness continued in the intern's voice.

"What's that got to do—" Lexa began

"I'm not finished! Somewhere someone has some twisted sense of humour, by bringing you back into my life, and here you are demanding I keep a secret from Costia. Why are you so afraid to tell anyone the truth? Are you still pretending to be someone you're not Lexa?" Clarke questioned

"You don't know anything about me Clarke." Lexa spoke through gritted teeth.

Clarke searched into those green orbs, trying to find remnants of the Lexa she once knew.

"You're right, I don't know you." She sharply pronounced each word with a distaste tone

Lexa stoic look cracked slightly, her features softening into a hurtful manner, as the intonation of Clarke's voice felt like a reverberating weapon attacking the walls around her heart. Lexa struggles to understand why Clarke's words affected her so much, she forgets to respond.

"Don't worry Lexa, because unlike you I don't break my promises." The intern stormed off, disappearing behind stage.

"Shit." Lexa breathed out; running her hands over her face and into her hair. _How did that go so badly?_

 **Xx**

Costia's plans to have drinks with Lexa and Clarke; never happened with both girls coming up with an excuse to not go.

 **Xx**

Lexa's alarm went off at 5:00am; it had been three days since she last saw Clarke, or strategically avoiding her by not going to Costia's workplace. She quickly stopped the intruding noise echoing in the air; Lexa glanced at her girlfriend, who let out a disapproving groan.

"Go back to sleep" Lexa soothed; leaning over and kissing her forehead.

"Lex, promise me again you'll be there." Costia mumbled with her eyes closed; her voice was thick with sleep, as she buried her head deeper into the pillow.

Lexa wasn't expecting these words to leave her girlfriend's lips. She told her last night, she would be there; despite every fibre in her body wanting to spend the night anywhere else than with Nia Queen. The hurt that was building in her chest, quickly deflated when she realised Costia was sound asleep. She let out a huff, to get rid of the residue tension the words caused.

The brunette had to push that aside; she had an important day ahead of her. Today is the day she goes to Arkadia Memorial Hospital; it was a very big deal for her. Lexa thoughts switch back to Costia, as she stared sadly at her sleeping body. Resentment grew like wildfire across the brunette's body; Costia knew how important this day was to Lexa; how much she was looking forward to learning from the best. So why was it so hard for her girlfriend to wish her good luck? Instead she wastes her awaken breathe on making sure Lexa will be at the fashion show, when she already promised her last night. The green eyed beauty felt aloneness seep through into her skin; threatening to take over her mind. It was winning the assault, as tears threatened to spill from her eyes. The suction of her lips curled in, as her nostrils flared to help draw in oxygen helped as a defensive mechanism against the overwhelming feeling that was corrupting her mind. It was slowly working, as she repeated it over and over again; finally realising her lips from their capture.

She walked into the bathroom; splashing water over her face. There was no time to drown in self-pity now, Lexa needed to go to the hospital with a clear and strong mind. There was no room for weakness, so she pushed it all down to a place, she wishes to never visit.

Xx

When Lexa arrived at the hospital, she couldn't help the goose-bumps that erupted on her skin; it was like a calling, she knew in that moment this where her path would lead to. It was in her bones to become a doctor, she felt the warming feeling causing through her veins; making her eager to get this day started.

After signing in and going through the formalities of keeping her I.D card on her at all times, she joined the other candidates patiently waiting for the Chief Resident who was responsible for them being here today. The wait was cut to an end, as he shortly joined the group once all ten participants signed in.

"Hello, my name is Dr. Wells Jaha; I'm the Chief of Resident at Arkadia Memorial Hospital. Six months ago I had a meeting with the board members. They wanted my input on how we can improve young doctors to thrive in their chosen field. I proposed a plan to select ten candidates who are currently in the midst of doing their masters in medicine. My aim is that you will gain vast amount of knowledge in the three months you spend here; learning from your selected mentors, engaging in all the lecturers you attend. Ultimately I hope you will gain enough experience that will give you a head start in choosing the field you want to prosper in. This is a rare opportunity for you; you get to work with some of the most leading surgeons in America. And if you're smart you can even use some of our resources to help with your thesis project at the end of your masters."

There was excited chatter among the candidates, wondering who will be there mentors. Whilst the candidates continued speaking together, Lexa noticed nine doctors arrive; taking place behind . Lexa felt the butterflies in her stomach warp into a tornado; why were there only nine doctors, but ten candidates?

"I want you to know that you are my guinea pigs, you are a part of my experiment. You were specifically chosen by me and the surgeons you will be working with. Please do not let us down. When I call your name please introduce yourself to your assigned mentor. As I'm sure you would have heard of them, as they have made their mark in medicine, this is your chance to maybe do the same in the future." He nodded towards the nervy-looking candidates; maybe he went a bit extreme with his statement.

Dr. Jaha claps his hands together. "Right, let's get you partnered up, there's lots of work to do. When I call your name, please go stand next to your assigned Doctor."

Wells started to read the names; an each candidate bursts with glee, clearly happy with their assigned mentor. There was only two left; Lexa and a woman whose name tag read Becca, but there was only one doctor waiting to be partnered up. The green eyed brunette recognised him, as a brain surgeon.

"Becca Summers you are with Dr. Lu." Wells concludes.

She beamed with joy, before giving Lexa a sympathetic look. Lexa noticed the smug look of her peers, as they stood next to their partners for this experiment. The brunette features remained stoic, her jaw tightening. She was struggling to keep composure; she knew this opportunity was too good to be true. Lexa felt deflated.

"Don't worry Lexa Woods, I haven't forgotten about you. In fact we were all very eager to meet you." said with a fondness in his voice. A confused looking Lexa observed her surroundings, the participating doctors where staring at her, with a bright smile; nodding at what Wells said. She got some satisfactory feeling after seeing the candidates furrow in her direction, the seethe of jealous that was slipping through their pours. The smug smiles completely wiped from their faces.

"I don't understand." The brunette croaked.

"Well you've shown great potential, currently top of your class at Harvard. Your recent invitation to Alaska by Dr. Indra Marshall to aid in her recent research project; she only had good things to say about you, and she's not an easy one to please. You appear to be very special."

Lexa stared at him blankly, still not understanding what's going on. Wells pushed on.

"Arkadia Memorial has been trying for years to get a very special guest to work here, but every time an offer was made, the doctor in mind graciously declined. That was until recently, when she saw your name listed on this experiment. After some negotiating, she has agreed to stay at the hospital for the duration of this experiment, and we are all very excited to have her here. But you Lexa, you get the honour to be partnered up with her."

"Who is it?" She asked nervously.

xx

While Lexa had succeeded in avoiding Clarke, she was surprised that she didn't think about the other Griffin lady that was a part of her life once upon a time. The brunette remained frozen in the doorway, as she stared at Abby in her scrubs.

"Lexa Woods. It's nice to see you again." The older woman said sincerely; pulling of her personal surgical cap and placing it on the table. "I'm sorry I wasn't able to meet you, I got called into surgery."

The green eyed brunette was trying to communicate her brain to her mouth, but the younger woman was clearly experiencing a short circuit somewhere along the channel. When she tried to produce words, only air filtered out.

Abby and Wells laughed at Lexa's state.

"I think she's a little bit star-struck. I'll leave you ladies to it." smiled before leaving.

"I know it must come as a surprise to you, but I had a feeling about you the first time we met. I hope you don't mind but I've actually been in regular contact with your professors at Harvard. The feedback they gave me, I knew that when I heard about Dr. Jaha's plan to select candidates for this experiment; I wanted to be partnered up with you"

"Why?" Lexa vocalised, finally able to find at least one syllable to leave her mouth.

Dr. Griffin studied Lexa before she answered; guilt was the common denominator. "Lexa, is this about Clarke?" The visible tightness in the brunette's jaw and physical tension that appeared on her throat, Abby got her answer.

"I don't blame you, Lexa. I was actually mad at myself, because I could see that she was—" Abby finished with a forced breathe, not really feeling comfortable with this conversation. She shook her head, sucking in her lips; trying to change the direction of the sentence. "You were a good friend to her, and you brought the best out of her. There was nothing anyone could have done; she was in a vulnerable place, and you made her feel better. It's within reason that she developed a connection with you, it's natural."

Lexa didn't meet Abby's eye contact. There's no way Abby would say this, if she knew what happened the last night she was in Polis. The young woman's silence prompted the older Griffin to conclude her statement.

"Please don't let the past interfere with this opportunity. I know you'll have the potential to become an amazing doctor and this experiment Dr. Jaha has come up with, can help you greatly. "

"Let's get to work." Lexa smiled warmly at Abby, but it doesn't quite reach her cheeks. She was still struggling to let the light of Abby's words break through the darkness that haunted her inside. The brunette knew she might only find solace in talking to Clarke, but she wasn't going to be selfish and drag it all up, when Clarke only wanted to forget it ever happened.

Xx

Clarke was completing the never-ending check list Nia gave her this morning before the show, when she felt arms wrap at her waist. She jerked away, anger quickly boiling to the surface.

"What the h-?" The last word felt flat, and mingled into her breathe when she saw the wide alarmed eyes looking at her

"I'm sorry; I didn't mean to scare you." Niylah spoke regretfully

"Don't be. I should apologise I overreacted." Clarke half smiled; before making her way around the blonde to check the dresses were labelled correctly.

"Is everything okay?" The model followed her movement

"Yeah, why wouldn't it be?" The blonde didn't look back at her; instead she flicked through the rail of clothing.

"You haven't seemed yourself for the past few days, and Costia thinks you're avoiding her."

The last statement got Clarke's attention.

"Why would she think that? I've just been really busy, and I'm running on three hours sleep with a lot of caffeine. It's a big deal for me to be at fashion show week, working for Nia Queen. I just want to make a good impression." The intern defended; despite knowing some of what Niylah said was true.

Niylah grabbed Clarke's hands and guided her to sit down on the sofa.

"Listen to me, Nia loves you; you don't have anything to prove. Just being who you are is more than enough; you're so talented, hard-working, smart and kind-hearted. I would say you've made more than an impression; you don't need to work yourself into the ground to get noticed. You're already shining Clarke Griffin."

Clarke is taken back by Niylah's words, she just stares into hazel eyes seeing sincerity radiating of them. She instinctively leans forward, grabbing the older woman's face; their lips connect for a few seconds, getting lost in the gentle kisses.

"What was that for?" The model's eyes were still close; her lips still feeling the effect of the kisses.

"For being you." The intern smiled earnestly at the blonde.

"You're welcome." Niylah responds shyly, before perking up. "You're going to the after-party tonight, right?"

"It's the only thing getting me through this day." The exhaustion was clear in Clarke's voice.

"Do you need a ride? I can pick you up."

"No." Clarke shot down; Niylah's hopeful face collapsed. "You'll be in no state to drive after; we can get an uber together, you can leave your car at my house."

"Well looks like I'll just have to go home with you at the end of night." Niylah smirked; trying to regain some control in the younger girl's presence.

"You sure you won't find someone else by that time." The dimples in the intern's face were becoming dominant, as she tried to fight the grin that was tugging at her lips.

"I know what I want." Niylah said strongly.

"You're going to have to show me just how much you want it." Clarke smirked.

"I plan to." Niylah spoke; her voice smothered in seduction, as she stepped into Clarke's personal space. She was determined to give the blue eyed blonde a taste of her own medicine, as she leaned down to take her lips, when a vibration broke the atmosphere between the two women. "Is that your phone or are you just really turned on. I'm hoping for the latter." Niylah scoffed; leaning against Clarke's forward before stepping away.

Clarke groaned before she searched for the badly timing device. She looked at the reminder that was lighting up her front screen. "Shit! I forgot about lunch with my mom. I can't cancel again, but Nia will lose it, if I leave now."

"Don't worry, I'll cover for you." The model offered.

"Thank you!" Clarke engulfed the model into a hug. As the intern pulled away she placed a kiss to the corner of Niylah's lips. "I'll only be an hour tops."

"I really need to get going. Please don't let Ontari anywhere near the dresses, shoes or just keep her away from everything." The blondes gestured with her hands, before looking around at nothing in particular. "I have a horrible feeling about tonight and I don't know why, but if anything was to go wrong, Ontari is my top suspect."

The model laughed how worked up she was getting. "I'm not due for make-up for another two hours, so I will look after things here. Now go woman!"

Clarke smirked, as she took a step closer to Niylah, wrapping arms around her slender waist.

"Have I ever told you, how hot you look when you try to act bossy?" Clarke breathed against her mouth, before gently pulling her bottom lip into her mouth, applying enough pressure to not cause pain, but to leave a tingly feeling pulsing at the assaulted area.

The model's limps suddenly felt like jelly; her breathing was a little ragged. If there was one thing she knew for definite, it was that Clarke Griffin drives her crazy.

"I'll see you in a few" Clarke spoke softly, before leaving a stunned blonde in her wake.

Niylah was to speechless to reply; she just ran her fingers ghostly over the area where Clarke bit her, and laughed whole-heartedly at the disappearing intern. _Touché._

xx

Clarke made her way into the hospital; she had made plans to have lunch every other day with her mother, since she temporarily moved to New York for the summer. The blonde graciously rushed up the stairs towards her mom's office, her belly was gurgling with hunger. She actually can't remember the last time she ate.

Without thinking she just opened the door that was gold-plated with Dr. Abigail Griffin's name.

"Clarke!" Lexa said in a higher pitch tone. She pushed her hands against the table; quickly shooting out of the swivelling chair. She stood awkwardly; shifting her weight from her toes to her heels, and then vice versa.

"Lexa?" The blonde voice was low, as if her mind was occupied with heavy thoughts. "What are you doing in my mom's office?"

"I'm working here for the summer; a new programme that the hospital is experimenting on, I'm one of the candidates taking part. I was surprised when I learnt I was partnered up with . Small world, huh?" The brunette said in an unusual thick tone laced with nervousness.

Clarke tightens her lips, nodding in agreement. "Do you know where she is?"

"She was paged for a consult, she should be back soon." Lexa tried assuming her professional voice but it was lacking a firmness that's usually present when she speaks.

"Okay." Clarke looked at anything but Lexa. The air was already becoming insufferable. She could see the brunette was struggling too, as she resumed to fidgeting behind the desk. Through the corner of her blue eye she saw Lexa move; now standing in front of the desk. It was like she wanted to speak, but was losing the momentum to do so.

The blonde couldn't take one more second of this torturing atmosphere.

"It's a big deal then."

A light grew in Lexa's green eyes, when she heard the younger's girl's voice. Something that Clarke noticed.

"The um—experiment your apart off, there are doctors out there that would do anything to work with my mom. Don't take it for granted" Was all Clarke offered.

Lexa smiled at the effort the blonde put into making conversation.

"I would never take it for granted, I still feel like I'm dreaming. I've already learned so much from her. She's phenomenal." A brightness consumed Lexa's green eyes as she spoke.

A small twitch of smile grew on Clarke's face; she noticed the passion was still present in the older girl's eyes from the last time she saw it. The smile quickly disappeared, when the brunette made eye contact.

The blonde nodded in agreement; her mother was an amazing surgeon, but it did come at a price. Clarke shook away the corrupting past memories, as her mother had been making more of an effort with her since the death of her father.

"Clarke about the other night, I'm sorry I shouldn't have asked you—" Lexa paused not able to finish the sentence. "I just never found the courage to tell her." Lexa head slumped lowly.

"No you shouldn't have, but I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have judged you, I know how hard it can be opening up." Clarke offered a tight smile.

Lexa's eyes met blue. While they were on the subject of apologies, there was a big one; she needed to say to the blonde

"Clarke I'm so sorry for the way-"

"I don't want to talk about it!" Her sharp tone cutting through Lexa words before she was able to finish her sentence. The intern knew where that apology was going; she wasn't ready to deal with that.

"We have to at some point, otherwise-" Lexa was cut off for the second time; while it frustrated the brunette, she just let the blonde speak.

"We're both adults Lexa, I'm sure we can be civil for Costia sake, she's a good friend of mine; I don't want her to think things are uncomfortable." Clarke injected; she knew Lexa presence was already affecting her friendship with Costia; she had been avoiding her, not knowing how to act. But not anymore, she wasn't going to lose her over this.

"Maybe at some point, we can be more than just civil. Maybe we can actually be friends again." Once the snake hiss syllable left her lips, Lexa wishes she could vacuum the words that lingered in the air, because the look on Clarke's face was daunting.

"Friends." She hissed with venom, before giving Lexa backlash when she spoke in a softer tone. "Don't get me wrong Lexa; it's good to see you again. Because it means that I can finally get closure when I say that you were right."

Lexa furrowed in confusion, Clarke recognised the look quickly, so she took a step closer to the brunette before speaking.

"That I don't need you, and quite frankly I'm not ready to be your friend." The blonde voice remained stoic

Lexa lips parted, her eyes dart away from Clarkes blue. She nods her head, letting the blonde know she heard her clearly.

The silence was thankfully filled when someone entered the room.

"Lexa were you able to find—" Abby paused mid-sentence when she saw Clarke; she darted her eyes to the brunette, immediately sensing the toxic air, but it was her daughter who broke the tension.

"Have to reign-check on our lunch, i'm not feeling hungry anymore." And with that statement she walked up to her mom placing a quick kiss on her cheek before leaving.

"Clarke knows how to hold a grudge. She can be her own worst enemy at times, she'll come around." Abby tries to comfort Lexa.

The brunette clears her throat, putting her professional voice on "I found the folder you were looking for. Hope you don't mind, but I think I'll take my break now." She doesn't show any recognition she heard her, but the older woman knows she did.

Abby sighed heavily. _They're both equally stubborn._

xx

Thank you readers; for your amazing support of my story. Huge thank you to those who write the reviews. It's greatly appreciated.

Let me know what you think.

Or what you would like to see happen at the fashion show or after party.

Hope you enjoyed.

 **My reply to comments**

SkyeMarie90 **: Thank you so much for you generous review. Truly means a lot, I'm glad you're enjoying the story. I hope you enjoyed the chapter.**

Guest; **Boom! Thanks for the review Guest. Hope you enjoy the new chapter.**

We all fall here **: Glad you enjoyed it. Thanks so much for reviewing; really helps to keep writing to know people enjoy reading my story. Well after that chapter does that answer your question? If not yes they are a thing; they are exactly that. No labels will be defined between them. The thing with Clarke is that she just got a hell of a shock, she won't be hung up per say, but Lexa did hurt her, so she tries to deal with that whilst being in her presence. But it will be Lexa to go out of her way for Clarke, not the other way round. So we will see a jealous Lexa in future chapters.**

AJM233: **I like you're thinking, but sadly yes that would have caused quite a mess that I wouldn't be able to fix. But doesn't mean you're not onto something there. Hopefully you'll keep reading to find out what I mean**

Guest: **I've update! Sorry for the wait. I hope it was worth it.**

Fanfic Junkie26: **So glad you reviewed! Really means a lot to me. Thank you I appreciate that, and I would never give up. I will finish this story. Hope you enjoyed the new chapter.**

Lovesy12: **Thank you for your continuous support. I really appreciate it.**


	11. Chapter 11

Sorry about the long wait; I know I replied to some comments that Octavia was going to make an appearance in this chapter, but in order to get this updated quicker I had to cut the chapter. So she will be in full force in the next chapter, which I'll try to update sooner than I did this one.

If you reviewed, reply comments at the end of the chapter

xx

Lexa felt self-pity poisoning her mind; making its way through her every neuron, corrupting the electrical and chemical signals. There was no information being transmitted, as she just stared blankly at her food on the plastic tray.

The brunette knew there was nothing she could say to Clarke that would make what she did right, but she needed the blonde to know why she did it. Lexa thoughts wonder back to her eighteen year old self, during the times she spent with Clarke; she had become happier, and there was no added exhaustion in keeping up pretences. Lexa could be herself, and she got so caught up in that relieve feeling; she didn't see the signs that Clarke was falling for her. It was no secret Lexa was a damaged soul, but witnessing the damaged she caused when a fourteen year old girl was shouting at her in the street; the heartbreak that was prominently visible on Clarke's delicate face. She thought she made the right decision to remove herself out the picture, but this wasn't the only time Lexa has doubted she made the wrong choice to leave her friend behind.

Lexa snapped herself out of her thoughts; she eagerly searched through her bag, grabbing her phone. She fiddled with it nervously, debating whether to make the call. She shoved every doubt thought that loomed in her frontal-lobe, and scrolled through her contacts and hit call before she changed her mind.

"Lexa, is everything okay?" a concerned voice immediately came through the speaker.

"Yes Anya, why wouldn't it be?" Lexa questioned; she now compressed her facial features, now regretting calling her.

"You're calling me during the middle of the day." Anya stated obviously.

"Maybe I just wanted to hear a friendly voice?" Lexa said nonchalantly; it was a poor excuse and she knew it.

"And your first thought was to call me?" The dark blonde deadpans

"Well no-one else answered, so you were my last choice." Lexa smirked, as she sighed; hearing Anya's voice already started to chase the demon thoughts way.

"Oh I feel so privileged to have been on the list."

"It's the thought that counts, right?" Lexa laughed; she was stalling.

"Whatever you say?"

There was a pause in silence, as the conversation came to an end. It spoke volumes to the older woman, this was not her first time and definitely wasn't going to be the last; she is used to getting this types of call from her young protégé.

"Lex?"

"Yeah?" Lexa cringed; knowing her older sibling was onto her.

"I'm here if you want to talk?" Anya recited; this is usually how the conversation starts, to let the brunette go at her own speed, otherwise she closes up and pushes people away.

Lexa smiled gratefully. She sighed heavily "Do you remember Clarke Griffin?"

There was hesitance on the other end; if Lexa knew Anya, she was holding the bridge of her nose, trying to contain the tiredness of this conversation.

"Not this again" she huffed out. "Haven't you beaten yourself up enough over that, I thought you moved passed this. It's been what? Four or Five years, it's not healthy."

"Anya, she works for Nia Queen. Costia introduced me to her a few days ago, it was beyond awkward." Lexa face palms her hand, rubbing briskly at her forehead, hoping to scrub away the resurging memories that just flooded her brain.

There was shuffling on the other end of the phone. "Shit, how did that go?"

"She hates me." Lexa stated as if was the most obvious thing in the world.

"I find that hard to believe, I only met that girl once and it didn't take a genius, like me to know that girl adored you."

"People change Anya. Plus you weren't there it got-messy" Lexa paused briefly, as she thought back to the event. A devastated blonde standing in the doorway; a heartbroken Clarke shouting at Lexa in the middle of the street, ending with Lexa leaving down the dark road hearing nothing but the young girl's cries. _How did it escalate so quickly, everything was fine when she last saw Clarke that morning?_

Anya could hear the down-ward spiralling in Lexa's voice; she got pretty good at deciphering it, since she received the first few calls about the younger sibling's strained relationship with Costia about a month ago. Anya knew what she had to do; tough love.

"That's it! I'm always here for you, you know that. But I'll be damned if I listen to you feel sorry for yourself. You been moping around for long enough."

"Anya-" Lexa said with a bite in her voice.

"No, it's your turn to listen. Things are different now, you have the opportunity to actually talk to Clarke, make her see your point of view. Or just apologize and move on!"

"Don't you think I've tried? She doesn't want to know Anya." Lexa exasperated

"Well give her time, I bet she was just as shocked as you were, when Costia introduced you both."

"Maybe your right-"

"I always am, don't you forget it." Anya cut the brunette off, her pride was too eager to come out.

"Ha ha" Lexa forced out

"How are you and Costia?" the dark blonde's voice was strangely soft, knowing she might be treading on egg shells.

"We're good." Lexa voice was tight; she cursed herself hoping Anya didn't pick up on it.

"Oh wow, I thought I taught you better than that." Anya started; while Lexa groaned audibly. "You Lexa Woods are a rubbish liar. I really thought it was just the distance that you guys would just fall back into being that couple that was full of happy sunshine and rainbow crap."

"Maybe the damage is already done; physically speaking it's still there, but emotionally it doesn't click the way it used too." Lexa voiced the words she has been thinking for a while, the words made a mouth left a metallic taste in her mouth.

"What are you saying Lexa?" Anya's voice was slightly higher pitched; clearing surprised by Lexa's words.

"That I shouldn't have taken that job in Alaska; I think it was the final straw. We just don't seem to connect the way we used too." The brunette confessed.

"Lexa, that was a once in a life opportunity, and your lecturer recommended you. God I wish you knew how proud I am of you, don't you ever doubt taking that job, okay?"

"Okay." A smile stretched across her plumped lips; that was the first time Anya said those words. Lexa always knew, but hearing them from the person she looks up to was everything to her.

"I mean it, I know the timing sucked. You just finished your first year of masters, and then flew straight to Alaska for a month, but if Costia can't see how important that was for you, then she doesn't deserve you."

"I just need to find a balance; with this new job at the hospital, i just need to make sure we spend adequate time with each other. We will be fine." Lexa said not even believing in her own words. It has been days since she returned, and they still haven't had sex yet; something always managed to disturb them. Seven months apart, they should be tearing off the clothes that rudely burden their bodies, but nothing just a few make out sessions that never get the time to get heated. Lexa could feel it in her heart something was missing now, and she knew Costia sensed it as well.

"Okay, kid. I have said enough mushy crap, I think I'm actually having an allergic reaction; a rash has literally just appeared on my arm, so your time is up." Anya groaned, but Lexa knew this was code that she had to get back to work.

"You have done your good deed for the month, you are free to go. Thanks An." Lexa laughed

"We are still on for dinner next week with mom and dad?"

"Ughh-." Lexa cursed herself

"You forgot!" Anya hushed out.

"No, I just need to check that I don't have to be at the hospital." The brunette countered weakly

"Lexa this has been planned for weeks." Anya grunted with an angered tone

"I know, I know." Lexa buried her head in her hand. "I'll figure something out, I'll be there. You know how much I've missed you guys."

"Of course we do; don't stress about it. I'll see you soon." Anya tried to diffuse the tension; she knows Lexa has been under a lot of stress.

"Bye An." The brunette replied in a sadden tone.

"Lexa?

"hmm?"

"I miss you too." Anya mumbled; feeling exposed to the feelings she just released.

Lexa smiled; she knew it was hard of Anya to say those words, making them even more meaningful to green eyed brunette.

"Okay that's it, the rash is spreading towards my neck. I'm going." She groaned before ending the call.

Even though the line went dead, Lexa was sporting a toothy grin; when she put her phone back into her bag, not realising the self-pity and downward spiral had dispersed from her mind for now.

xx

Clarke stormed out of the hospital with face full of thunder, but then as the fresh air invaded her lungs. It gave her some kind of clarity, causing her features to soften slightly. She turned and looked up at the building; thinking about Lexa.

The blonde pushed all thoughts aside, not wanting to analyse them. She made her way to her car, turning the radio to up more than usual, to help drown out her thoughts. To kill the sound of the fourteen year old girl that still lives inside of her; telling her to give Lexa a chance to explain. Clarke dismissed it, as soon as the thought was generated in her mind; she refused to let herself be that vulnerable in front of the brunette again.

Clarke hit her stirring wheel, seeing the traffic ahead. She just wanted to get back to preparing for the show, to keep busy. The blue eyed beauty sighed, trying to find a means to distract herself, she looked outside her window seeing a familiar building; Queen's Gallery. Just as she was about to look away, she saw someone inside. Clarke stretched her neck out; trying to get a better view, but the car behind her honked, not realising the lights have turned green.

Xx

After ten minutes of driving around trying to find a parking space, Clarke was now stood outside Costia's gallery. She pressed her face against the window, her hand used to block out the sun rays. That's when she saw the figure again; just as she realised who the person was, they noticed Clarke looking in from the window.

"Clarke? What are you doing here?" Costia questioned; opening the door

"I could ask you the same thing?" the blonde countered; stepping inside.

"I asked first." The hazel-eyed woman smirked; locking the door behind her

"I was about to have lunch with my mum, but change of plans. I was at the traffic lights when I saw you."

"So my mom didn't send you?" The brunette said with relief.

"Costia what's going on?" A worried expression corrupted Clarke's face; seeing the clothing the brunette was wearing, and the paint stains over her hands and face.

"Nothing" Costia huffed out a laugh. "My mom just gets paranoid that I won't show up, thought she sent the cavalry out to find me."

"I can see why she would jump to that conclusion when you're at your gallery than preparing for the show today."

"I have over an hour before I'm due for make-up. I have plenty of time." Costia waved off Clarke's concern

"So that begs the question, why are you here?" Clarke prompted.

"I have a routine before any big show." Costia said before walking away from the blonde, and heading into the back of the gallery.

"What routine?" Clarke followed curiously

"I love to paint when I'm feeling nervous; something about being in control of the paintbrush, and how you approach the empty canvas soothes the knots in my stomach." Costia had a daydream look in her eye, as she spoke.

"I-I didn't even know you got nervous, you're always so confident." Clarke was slightly baffled by the new information; she has never seen this vulnerability side of Costia.

"We all have our secrets, Clarke."

"Talking of secrets; why did you never tell me about Lexa?" The intern's tone was slightly harsh than she intended.

"How was I supposed to know you and Lexa where from the same small town?" Costia defended jokily

"That's not what I meant, and you know it. You never even told me you had a girlfriend. I thought we were good friends Cos. I told you about my relationships, so it's not like you didn't have a moment to say 'oh by the way I have a girlfriend; her name is Lexa.'" Clarke mocked with a frustrated tone.

"Clarke, things between me and Lexa are complicated; they not as cut and dry as you breaking up with your boyfriend to move to New York. While yes you are a very good friend to me, Lexa doesn't want to be in the limelight my name carries, so I wasn't purposely keeping Lexa from you. I wanted you to meet her, but-"

"You don't trust me?" the blonde stated; cutting her off.

"No Clarke, I do trust you; it's just-" Costia paused; the words were on the tip of her tongue, but saying them out loud was admitting something she was avoiding for a while now.

"What?" Clarke questioned; losing patience with the silence in the room.

"I honestly didn't expect her to come." She deflated

"Who?" the cogs turned quickly in Clarke's head; a name suddenly left her lips. "Lexa?

"The last year has been hard to say the least; she always had an excuse to why she couldn't visit. It's been seven months since I last saw her. We got in a huge row, over a month ago. I thought that was going to be it for us." Costia took a deep breath, as she was about to open the can of worms.

Xx

 _Lexa nervously paced around her room, as the dial tone caused a nervous stir within her body; waiting for her girlfriend to pick up. She pressed two fingers in-between her eyebrows, as the stress of worrying already caused a migraine to take up residence there._

" _Hey babe." The delicate voice answered_

 _The hollow beating of her heart being hit with adrenaline, caused an involuntary suction of air to invade Lexa's lungs. She choked on the air, not able to respond._

" _Lexa? Are you there?" Costia prompted_

" _Yes!" Her voice broke. "I'm here"_

" _Everything okay"_

 _Lexa hesitated with her response; she didn't know how to break the news._

" _Lexa you're starting to worry me now?" Costia spoke; her feelings were evident in her voice._

" _I've been offered a research job in Alaska to work as a research assistant for Dr. Indra Marshall; she's researching-" Lexa started to feel excitement course through her veins, as she was about to explain the research project, but a vulnerable voice pulled her back to reality._

" _You said no right?" Costia's voice wavered; she already had her answer by the behaviour her girlfriend was already displaying, but she needed to hear the words._

" _Cos, this is a big opportunity for me; I can't turn this down. My lecturer recommended me to Dr. Marshall, I never expected to get the job, but now that I have I can't let them down." Lexa groaned; she was desperate for her girlfriend to see her side of things._

" _But you can let me down?" The hazel-eyed brunette spat angrily._

" _That's not fair Costia" Lexa bit back defensively_

" _Isn't it? You were going to help me find a place for my gallery? I have the right to be pissed Lexa. You made this decision without even considering me, how do you think that makes me feel." Costia was outraged, but sadness was seeking through her pours; she felt betrayed._

" _Of course I thought about you, don't you think I was torn about this. Everything has happened so quickly, I'm sorry Costia, but I may never get a chance like this again. I knew you would be angry, but can't you understand how important this is to me, to my career."_

 _A bitter laugh radiated from the ear piece. "That's all I've ever done! I always put you and your career before anything. Sometimes Lexa you can be so blind sometimes. I waited a whole year to be with you—"_

 _Lexa couldn't go down this road again; her girlfriend would always throw that in her face whenever they argued. The doctor to be, rejected Costia advances once she attended Harvard, it made things a little awkward being roommates, but Lexa was fixated on getting good grades in her subjects. She quickly interrupted Costia before she could drench up the past again. "I get it Costia, you're calling me selfish. But I'm sorry I have to do this, I need my parents to be proud of me; with this job on my resume, it can open more doors for me."_

" _That's what I don't get Lexa, your parents. When i asked you out our first year of college, you said you have to focus on your studies because you need to make your parents proud. I've meant your parents Lexa; Gustus and Ali are the most amazing parents anyone could ask for; anyone can see how proud they are of you, whenever they speak about you."_

 _Tears started to form in Lexa's eyes; she knew she brought this on herself. If only Costia knew she meant the parents that died in the car accident; she might understand her need to pursue a career that makes a difference, so she can finally feel at peace that she survived for a reason._

 _Lexa didn't have the strength anymore to argue, maybe because she was defeated by her own secret. She knew she had nothing to say back, because what Costia said was true; she knew Ali and Gustus were proud of her, but sadly it wasn't enough to rid the guilt of her survival that fatal night._

" _Maybe you're right Costia, maybe I am blind sometimes, but I can't pass this opportunity. It's only a month in Alaska, I'll come to New York straight after; I promise." Lexa said sincerely._

" _Another month! You know what Lexa, don't bother. I feel like I'm the only one trying to hold this relationship together, I just can't do this anymore." The exhaustion radiated of every word she spoke._

" _Costia what you saying?" Lexa panicked; waiting anxiously for a reply._

" _I'm saying don't come to New York"_

" _I want to be there with you, I do." Lexa started crying; her heart was tearing into two pieces. One half wanted Costia, the other wanted the research job._

" _Looks like I'm second choice though and I can't be that anymore." Costia sobbed; it choked out of her after hearing Lexa break._

" _Costia please." The green eyed brunette pleaded_

" _I'm going to go now, just give me space"_

" _Cos-" She had already ended the call, before Lexa could pronounce the second syllable._

Xx

"After the fight, she gave me one week before she phoned me, and we never mentioned the argument again, but it's been hanging over us, like a dark cloud. I don't think I can pretend anymore." Costia mumbled, facing the ground.

Clarke looked visibly uncomfortable, feeling an intruder on Lexa's life.

"You could have fooled me, on the day you-um re-introduce us." Clarke released a nervous breath.

"Looks can be deceiving. On the surface, I'm still attracted to her. She stunning, you would have to be a moron if you didn't see it. But under the surface-" Costia paused; she felt vulnerable as she spoke the words. She felt exposed; she had been bottling this up for a while now.

Clarke's feature frowned slightly hearing the pain that just radiated of her friend's voice

"It's not the same anymore." The blonde helped her finish, she received a sad nod in agreement. "Maybe it will just take time to re-connect, sort out your issues; blow the dark cloud away."

Costia laughed at the dorkiness of the blonde.

"You're a good friend, Clarke." The brunette smiled earnestly

The intern nodded; reciprocating a friendly smile back.

"I think we both better get back, before Nia has a meltdown that we are both missing." Costia laughed at the image.

"You're probably right." The blonde chuckled; making her way out the gallery.

xx

A few hours later, Lexa was looking for her designated place when she entered the crowed hall.

She found herself throwing an 'excuse me' or 'sorry' as to tried to manoeuvre around them.

A woman with a head-set on her head was looking at the seating chart. The brunette was debating whether to bother her, seeing the stress radiating of her face.

"Excuse me, can you help me find my seat." Lexa asked hesitantly

"Ticket please." The words were pronounced in a frustrated tone, causing the green eyed brunette to quickly hand it over. "Lexa Woods" she said; scanning threw the paper chart in her hands. "You're in Section A with Mrs Queen and her guests; you're in seat AA5 just over there." The dark ginger head woman; goes on her tiptoes and gestures over the crowd, where Lexa had to go.

"Thank you." She rolled her eyes, as the woman was already gone.

xx

"Lexa? I didn't think you would come, I hope you understand but I didn't want one of the best seats going to waste, so I already filled it with a special guest of mine. AC5 is free, just a few rows behind." Nia tightly smile through her fake exterior, as she flicked her hand over to Lexa's new seat.

' _The nerve of this woman, why doesn't any Queen believe I would turn up_ '. She tried to swallow the anger down, that was begging for release; when she realised it was already manipulating the words that were about to come out of her mouth.

"That's no problem Nia." Lexa replicated the woman's smile. She inhaled slowly, trying to keep her composure around the older Queen. However the irritation boiled to her throat, and even though the brunette tried to be the better person, she couldn't miss this opportunity to get under Nia's skin. "At least if a model falls, they've got you to break their fall." Lexa said; looking Nia's outfit up and down. It was a bit too puffy for Lexa's taste, but she could only guess it was the style these days.

The brunette didn't wait for a reply, as the awe look on the older woman's face was enough for victory. She made her way to her new seat, when she got unexpected surprise.

"Something's really don't change. Only you can speak to the Queen like that and still live to tell the tale." A familiar laughter erupted from someone's chest.

"What the-? Raven? What are you doing here?" Lexa smiled widely; enveloping her old friend in a warming embrace. The green eyed brunette met the Latina girl at Harvard, who was studying Computer Science. Raven had designed security software in her second year, which made her a millionaire before she turned twenty-one.

"When Nia invited me into her notorious gold circle, how could I refuse?" Raven shrugged

Lexa raised her eyebrows, glaring at the brunette not believing that to be the reason.

"Fine, my advisors forced me to accept the stupid invitation; ' _it would make good press for your company, Miss Reyes_." Raven mocked in a well-spoken accent. "There you happy, I'm exploiting myself to make money."

"God I've missed you, I'm glad you're here." Lexa smiled genuinely before sitting in the vacant chair next to her friend. "I could use the backup." Her eyes drifted to an obnoxious woman glaring at her, as she spoke with Nia.

Raven followed her eyesight, before returning back to the brunette. "You've always been able to handle yourself against the Ice Queen."

"It's her minions that give me the creeps." The green eyed brunette faked a shiver.

Raven laughed at her ridiculous friend.

"So you still haven't responded to my last email. How was working for Dr. Indra Marshall, I heard she can be rough around the edges."

Lexa eyed the Latina girl; it was true, she did say those words to her. She soon changed her mind the day she met Indra. "I know I'm sorry, I haven't had much time to do anything lately. But it was incredible Rae, I learned so much from her. Her research could increase the survival of the foetus during fetal surgery for congenital heart disease by 10%."

"I'm glad you decided to go Lex, you light up whenever you speak about becoming a paeds surgeon."

"I wish everyone could be, as understanding as you" Lexa eyes drifted in thought.

"You and I were cut from the same cloth." Raven bumped her friends shoulder. "I'm not saying Costia didn't work hard for what she's accomplished since leaving Harvard, but whether she likes it or not, she has always had a safety net if she was to fall. We don't have that privilege; we take the opportunities that are in our reach, and we do the best to make something of them. Wick was the same."

"Wick was a jealous ass."

Raven laughed, Lexa never had a filter when it came to the Latina's ex-boyfriend.

"True, but what I'm trying to say is, if I had put him first instead of developing my security program. I wouldn't be where I am now. And life is really good, like really good." Raven grinned with her pearly whites.

"I here being a millionaire does that for you." Lexa laughed

"Don't worry hot-stuff, you'll be saving children before you know it, and no one can put a price on that." Raven said sincerely.

"I forgot how smooth you can be." Lexa blushed with a smile.

"Well it's been two weeks since I wrote that email, I thought you forgot about me altogether." Raven smirked.

"You can never be serious for more than a minute." Lexa shook her at her friend, in a small laughter.

"You know I love you bestie." Raven engulfed her friend into a tight hug before she placed a kiss on her cheek.

"God I really have missed you." Lexa reciprocated the ridiculous hug.

Before Raven could come up with a witty remark, the presenter asked the audience to take their seats, as the show was about to start in ten minutes.

Xxx

Nia's fashion line was up first after the opening ceremony. She excused herself from her guests to head backstage.

"Clarke! Where's Echo? She's up first." Nia gritted; she will not be embarrassed in front of potential buyers and more importantly the media.

"Echo's heel broke, so Ontari has taken her to get a replacement pair; they'll be here soon." Clarke informed nervously; twitching slightly because they should have been back minutes ago. She cursed the dark-haired girl, she knew she would be the reason for something to go wrong.

"We're here, we're here." Ontari announced; supporting Echo's weight as they ran.

"Cutting it fine, Ontari; the show is about to start." Nia glared at her niece and then the model, who avoided her piercing stare. She clapped loudly. "Places people; Clarke it's your responsibility that the models go out looking perfect. We worked so hard the last couple weeks, so let make sure it's shown okay."

Clarke smiled; nodding encouragingly. "Of course, Nia."

Nia walked onto the stage, as the presenter introduced her. The fashion designer had a flare of personally introducing her styles to the audience. She knew exactly how to work the media to her advantage. Nia made her way to the podium stand that resided on the left hand side of the stage.

The Queen's line was being loudly applauded; like it did every year, with the crowd's chatter about the designs matching the clapping sounds.

Much to Clarke's relief the Fashion show was going off without a hitch, but the eerie feeling that something was wrong still resided in the knots of her stomach.

"Hey, are you okay?" Niylah placed her hand on Clarke's wrist; causing her to turn around.

Clarke didn't answer, she just took in the sight in front of her. "You look beautiful."

"Thank you." The model blushed.

"The crowd are going to love you."

"Thanks to you, Nia didn't even recognise that I ripped the dress." Niylah whispered, as if someone was ears dropping.

"Did you ever doubt my stitching?" Clarke took a confident step forward; challenging her.

"Of course not, you have- many talents Clarke." Niylah smirked; and the intern caught on quickly that they weren't not talking about clothing anymore.

"Save your sass for the runaway, then we can discuss how to put my talents to good use." Clarke winked "You're next."

Xx

The photographers loved Niylah, Clarke didn't realise she was staring at the model, until she was startled.

"Hey." Costia cooed

"Hey" her voice slightly higher pitched. "I can see why Nia chose this to be the finale dress, it's stunning." Clarke smiled down at the fabric. "So are you ready, to end this madness." Clarke laughed; brushing down Costia's dress, checking its overall appearance before locking eyes with hazel.

"You bet." The brunette seethed with confidence.

"Go knock them dead." Clarke said with an encouraging smile.

"Don't I always." The brunette winked, before her attention went to Niylah, as she started to approach them. That's her cue, making her way into the spotlight.

"You guys are going make me puke one of these days, can't you just get a room already." Ontari groaned; standing behind Clarke.

"Shut up Ontari, it's called being friends. I know how foreign that concept is to you, but surely you've have a least one friend." The blonde spat in retaliation.

"I'll have you know I have plenty of friends, and we don't act like that. I think my cousin has got the hots for you." The dark haired intern stated obviously, but Clarke's attention was on something else, causing her eyes to go alarmingly wide. The blonde could always trust her instincts; she knew something was going to go wrong today.

"Oh my god!" The intern gasped

"I don't why you sound so surprised, the day you meant she—"

"Ontari shut up, I'm not talking about Costia. Do you see that?" Clarke grabbed her arm, so she was standing side by side; she pointed up with her index finger.

"Fuck." Ontari's eyes darted out towards the runway, and back up to the overhead structure of the lighting. The beam above the stage which was holding the heavy spotlights, one of them was loose and dangling dangerously.

The crowd didn't notice, but more importantly Costia didn't know the threat that lurked above her, as the swinging spotlights blended in with the other lighting from the show. "Clarke, that's not going to hold, and Costia is going to be right underneath it any second now."

"Go get Nia" Clarke turned to still see the brunette staring out at the show. "NOW!" Ontari jumped at the desperate voice, before running to get help.

Clarke's heart dropped deep into her stomach, as the discarded object suddenly jerked falling about twenty centimetres; something was barely holding it up. In that moment, her instinct kicked in; she took her high heels off, and propelled her body down the runway, as fast as her legs would carry her.

Xx

Costia walked with grace, owning the runway like she always did. She kept her features stoic; swaying her hips with purpose, intent to flaunt the designer dress as she moved. The brunette barely made it half way down the runway when she felt wind getting sucked out of her, as something crashes her to the floor.

Costia's ears were invaded by gasps and screeching echoes, as people pushed out of their seats. Her anger ignited in the pit of her stomach, but it morphed into something more by the time it reached her chest. The weight of the attacker, still laid slump on top of her. She was shocked when she saw who was responsible.

"Clarke! What the hell are you doing?"

"I-I" she stuttered seeing all the attention that was on her; she glanced back seeing Nia and Ontari stop abruptly backstage. Her nervous blue eyes searched the crowd, instantly locking with Lexa's; who's mouth was agape. Clarke stood up, holding a hand out to Costia and helping her up "I'm sorry I thought the —"

"LOOK OUT!" Lexa shouted; her eyes widen with fear, as she saw the stage spotlight falling towards the girls. The wire holding the heavy duty spotlight snapped; breaking the circuit connection to the others, making the room go into a brief darkness before the lights automatically switched to the next lighting system, as programmed for the show.

Clarke looked up at the object that was coming down fast. For the second time in the night, she threw her body weight against Costia with force; trying to push them both at the way. They landed awkwardly, with Clarke smacking her head against the hard floor and Costia's arm being trapped under the blonde's weight, causing her to cry out. The heavy metal destroyed the runway, as it pummelled through the platform; causing nearby people to scream and run out of the hall.

* * *

That got dramatic, but I needed an accident to push Costia and Lexa in the right direction. Even though I over exaggerated the scene, i did research this actually happened, but not at Fashion week and no one got hurt.

Thank you for your continuous support and being patient with the updates. I really do try to update as soon as possible.

 **Reply to comments**

Emma0605; **Clarke went through a lot, when she walked in on Costia and Lexa. But the Jacket wasn't the present Lexa hasn't opened it yet, that is something else Clark has bought her. In chapter 8 Clarke did noticed the jacket she made was discarded on the floor during Lexa and Costia's antics, so she still has right to be pissed off. You're right it will be a slow burner, no fuzzy feelings just yet. Clarke is definitely still bisexual, I would never change a character's sexuality, I would find that way to demeaning. It's just because of the work environment it appears to be all girls at the moment. That's the problem with time jumps, takes a few chapters to explore what has happened during those years missed, but past relationships will be touched on. Sorry if I gave that impression.**

We all fall here; **Its slowing starting to unfold, I know it's a frustrating pace, but I feel like it's more natural that way. I think it's inevitable; things will be getting messy because there's unspoken feelings, and secrets which is recipe for disaster. Niylah will have feelings for Clarke and visa versa, she will be more than just to a pawn to make Lexa jealous. They just don't label their feelings.**


	12. Chapter 12

It's a new update!

Sorry about the wait, which I know I say often. This month has been very busy for me, but I finally was able to finish this chapter, I hope you enjoy.

replies to reviews after chapter :)

Xxx

Lexa desperately fought against the traffic of terrified people trying to fight their way out of the hall. She climbed onto the stage, seeing the debris had missed the two girls. A pain-stricken cry ripped through her eardrum, causing her heart to sink; leaving her chest feeling hollow.

"Costia." Lexa dropped on to her knees

"Lexa I think it's broken." Costia cried out, holding her arm.

The green eyed brunette could see the displacement of Costia's shoulder, knowing instantly it wasn't a break.

"You've dislocated your shoulder." Lexa confirmed

Costia's lower arm got trapped under Clarke's body weight, when the momentum of the brunette's body was still moving, causing her shoulder to be pulled out of its ball and socket joint.

Costia sobbed died down slightly, when she turned to face a motionless blonde to her right.

"Clarke?" The brunette called out, but there was no response. "Clarke!"

"Lexa, why isn't she answering?" the pain that was radiating around her body was temporarily forgotten as it was filled with dread.

Lexa didn't reply, as she was quick onto her feet to get to Clarke's side.

Clarke felt groggy, as she tried to keep her eyes open; but they grew too heavy to keep fighting, she gave into her body's demand. The blonde remained motionless, but she was still conscious. She felt like she was in a bubble; distantly hearing the commotion of the crowd, as they tried to get out of the hall. The intern felt her heart-break when she heard Costia's cry filter through the noise in the atmosphere. She wanted to help, but her brain was in shut-down mode, she was starting to slip into darkness, when she felt warm hands supported her neck.

Xx

 _Clarke stirred in her bed; a familiar scent invaded her olfactory system, quickly registering its presence in the air. Without opening her eyes, the blonde inhaled deeply; the smell of pancakes assaulted her brain and for a split second she forgot the usual ache she feels when she wakes from her slumber. The heartache memories were replaced with her dad's signature laughter, when Clarke's nose would wake up before her, as he held a plate full of pancakes under her nostrils. The blonde's eyes shot open has reality came crashing back-down, her recent memories resurfacing with force taking over her happy memories, making her realise her dad was no longer here._

 _Her blue eyes stung, trying to hold back the tears that took up a temporary residence there. She tried to blink them away, whilst sucking in her lips; desperately trying to keep her composure. It took her few minutes, before she ventured downstairs; wanting to know who was making a breakfast she hasn't had since losing her father._

 _Clarke made her way into the kitchen when an instant smile grew on her face, as she saw Lexa humming to the low sound of the radio; her hips gently moving to the rhythm._

" _Lexa?" The joyous tone in the blonde's voice was evident_

" _Oh good you're up. I made breakfast." Lexa grinned; turning back to flip the pancake over._

" _I thought you left?" Clarke questioned; she even watched the brunette leave the drive, like she did every morning. The blonde panicked wondering if she should have known that information; shouldn't she have been a sleep? "I thought I heard your car leave the drive." She added quite proudly by her unwarranted cover up._

" _I went to the store to get some supplies, so I can make us breakfast. You like pancakes right?" The brunette eyes went alarming wide, not actually thinking about that important information._

" _I love them." Clarke beamed; Lexa visibly relaxed, using the spatula in her hand to place the pancake on the plate. "My dad actually used to make them for me, whenever I overslept. He said it was the only way to get me out of bed." She added with a half-filled chuckle; taking a seat at the breakfast counter._

 _Lexa slowly turned around realising the scenario she has put herself in. "Clarke I'm so sorry I didn't think, I just wanted—"_

" _Lexa, please don't apologise. I would love some breakfast, I haven't had pancakes in a while. I just hope they're taste as good, as they smell. My dads were the best I have ever tasted, so I'm quite a harsh critic." The blonde smirked at the brunette, when she put the plate in front of her._

" _My dad actually taught Anya and I how to make pancakes when I was about your age. Well Anya quickly resigned from cooking duty after her mixture become lumpy and said there was a more important role that needed to be filled; to be the pancake taster. She said it was risky job but someone had to do it." Lexa laughed; taking the seat next to the blonde._

 _Clarke didn't realise she was staring at Lexa, but she couldn't help it. Since the brunette opened up about the death of parents, she seemed to be more at peace with herself and easier with a smile. Warmth spread across the blonde's body, as her heart filled with a feeling Clarke was now accustomed to, when she heard Lexa call Gustus dad without having to clarify it was him she was talking about and not her late-father. Something Lexa thought was necessary a few days ago._

" _Well?" Lexa gestured towards the young girl's plate, whilst putting a piece of pancake in her mouth._

" _What?" Clarke blinked; her cheeks turning a shade of red._

" _Are you going to try them, before they get cold?" Lexa laughed._

" _Of course." Clarke grinned; reaching for the syrup. She felt green eyes on her, which was causing her skin to come alive with goose-bumps. She avoided her eye-contact, as she cut a piece of her pancake, knowing she would just melt into a pile of goo if she did._

 _Once the food entered her mouth, she remained in awe how the sweet syrup mixed with the heat of the pancake, complementing once another with the perfect combination. She hummed, as the food invaded her taste buds with a liking she hasn't experienced since the last pancake she ate._

" _Gustus taught you well, holy crap they're good." Clarke mumbled, as she stuffed another piece in her mouth._

" _Gustus is an amazing chef; he wants to open his own restaurant someday. You really should try his macaroni and cheese, now that's heavenly." Lexa drifted off._

" _Please tell me you know how to make that?" Clarke gulped down the food in her mouth; now desperately craving mac & cheese._

" _Why do I get the feeling, you're going to use me to cook you food?" Lexa laughed._

" _Well that sounds about right; we would have been friends a whole lot quicker if you told me you could cook." Clarke burst into a cackle, which quickly died when a portion of flour landed on her face._

 _Lexa sucked in her lips trying hard to keep in the amusement that was already erupting in her chest._

" _You're going to pay for that." Clarke jolted of her seat, grabbing the bag of flour of the counter, taking all of Lexa's ammo._

" _You're not playing fair now." Lexa backed away slowly; desperately searching for something to either protect her from the inevitable assault or some type ammo._

 _Lexa ran around the counter, as Clarke charged at her; dust of white powder filled the air, which mixed pleasantly with the girls' laughter. The blonde tried to tip the flower over the older girl, but she was at a height disadvantage, causing it to back fire when Lexa pushed the flour over Clarke's head covering her in flour._

" _I see you girls are having fun." A stern tone, come from the doorway._

" _Mom!" Clarke gulped; her eyes widened._

" _Mrs. Griffin—" Lexa was speechless, she tried to scramble any words that recited in her mind. "I'm sorry if we woke you up, I will get this mess cleared up right away." She started to rush around the kitchen._

 _Abby started laughing which caught both of the girls of guard; they stared at each other warily._

" _Lexa, you didn't wake me up by the noise, I haven't smelt pancakes that good in a while. It really does smell amazing in here and then I see you attacking my daughter with flour." Abby said, as she slowly made her way around the counter, subtly hiding something under her cardigan before walking towards her daughter. She handed her something without the brunette noticing. "I thought I would make things even." A sly grin corrupted the older griffin's face._

 _Before Lexa knew it she was hit with something hard on her neck that turned into slim, which ran down her clothes._

 _The Griffin ladies burst into laughter at Lexa shocked appearance, as she peeled off the egg shell of her body. Her greens eyes locked with Clarke's blue, causing the amusement in the air to die rapidly._

" _Clarke." Lexa pronounced lowly, as she grabbed an egg of the counter._

 _The Griffin girls ran away in laughter of fits. The blonde could hear Lexa continuously calling her name._

Xx

"Clarke?" Lexa cooed out; trying to keep her voice calm and collected, but it wasn't working, as traces of panic filtered through.

"Ambulances will be here soon." Ontari informed, making her way over the damaged runway, before seeing Clarke's face covered in blood. "Oh my god, is she going to be okay?"

Lexa's heart was thumping hard against her rib cage; the structure that was supposed to protect her heart, wasn't doing a good job, as two people she cared about laid hurt on the floor.

"She's unconscious, but she's breathing." Lexa replied; ripping the bottom of her dress.

"What are you doing?" Costia quizzed

"I need to apply pressure to stop the bleeding." The brunette stated; assessing the deep cut that has ripped open across Clarke's eyebrow. The swelling and bruising was already forming.

"Where's my mom?" the hazel eyed brunette questioned.

"Costia!" Nia called out from the side of the runway. "Are you okay?"

"Mom" Costia cried out, reaching out with her good arm.

"It's okay; I will make sure someone's head will roll for this." She gritted through her perfect teeth.

"Ontari, Costia has dislocated her shoulder; I need you to keep her from moving until the ambulance has got here." Lexa spoke

"I'm on it."Ontari jumped to her cousin's side. "At least you're lucky it wasn't your artistic arm." She tried to lighten the mood.

Costia huffed in pain, she felt really lucky at this moment.

The sound of ambulance's sirens was drawing near.

"Can I do anything to help?" Raven asked; the hall had emptied out now.

"I need you to go meet the paramedics, and tell them there are two causalities; one with a suspected dislocation to her left shoulder and the other is unconscious with a head injury." Lexa commanded

"I'm on it." the Latina girl ran out of the building

"Clarke, I need you to wake up now." Lexa spoke softly whilst she supported the blonde's neck. "If only I had some pancakes, I better that would do the trick." She half-heartedly laughed.

"Clarke." She cooed again, gently rubbing her thumbs against her skin.

The blonde's eye twitched at the familiarity of the voice, they strained open; desperately trying to focus on blurring figure in front of her.

"Lexa" her voice was groggy and low.

"I'm here Clarke."

"I thought you left, everyone leaves me." The blonde mumbled in confusion.

"I'm not going anywhere, okay. I just need you to keep your eyes open. I think you might have a concussion, so it's important you keep talking. The paramedics will be here soon."

"I knew you would be a great doctor. Your parents would be so proud of you, you know that. I'm proud of you." The intern wore a tired smile on her face.

Lexa looked over to the Queen Ladies, who were all staring at her with a look she couldn't quite decipher, she didn't have time to ponder on it, as the paramedics came crashing in.

Xx

The pounding feeling in her head, echoed in waves inside her head as she tried to adjust her eyes at the room she was in. It didn't take long, for her other senses to help her figure out where she was, with the smell of chlorine assaulting her nostrils and the beeping of the machines filling the silent atmosphere.

Her eyes came into focus, finding a sleeping brunette in her room. A tinge of guilt enveloped her heart because she was not supposed to be here. She noticed the sleeping form started to wake from her slumber.

"Hey there stranger." Clarke's raspy voice filled the air, as she smiled at her best friend before clearing her throat. She really needed a drink.

"Here." Octavia spoke softly; a vulnerability was evident in her voice, as she passed the plastic cup of water to the blonde. Who immediately brought it to her lips, relishing in the cool fluid travelling down her throat.

"Thank you." Clarke smiled; which quickly was replaced with a panic look. "Is Costia okay?"

"She's fine Clarke. Costia dislocated her shoulder, which was treated as soon as she arrived at the hospital; she will just need to do follow-up therapy."

"So she's okay." Clarke muttered to herself more than her anyone, but while she felt relief there was a darkness that hid beneath; she blamed herself for hurting Costia.

"Yes, she keeps asking about you."

"Can you make sure she knows I'm okay?" Clarke asked

"Of course."

"Thank you." Clarke smiled; she was grateful that her best friend seemed calm. She was sure Octavia would have a go at her for ending up here-

"You scared the hell out of me Griffin!" Octavia spoke, causing the blonde to sigh heavily; of course Octavia would have a go at her.

"O, I'm fine. Just a bumped head" She tried to reassure, but groaned slightly when she felt the pull of her stitches, as she tried to express emotion through her face.

"You know I was watching the show live at the hotel, when suddenly I saw this crazy fanatic tackle Costia to the ground. I couldn't believe my eyes when I realised it was you. I thought you lost your damn marbles, but then that-" Octavia swallowed hard, as the memory replayed in her head; it felt like she was watching it all over again, her heart dropped into her chest.

"O" Clarke grabbed hold of her friend's hand. "Look at me, I'm fine."

"I didn't know that Clarke, they cut to commercials. I screamed at Lincoln to drive me here. I was already on my way, when your mom called to tell me you sustained a head injury." Octavia seemed to be miles away as she relived the moment.

"I'm sorry I ruined your week away. You didn't need to come, I would have understood."

"Lincoln is only moving less than two hours away when he starts Yale. I can handle that Clarke, but what I can't handle is losing you. I wouldn't survive that." Octavia sniffed back her emotions, as they started bubble over the surface.

Clarke opened her arms to invite her best friend in; she hugged her with a tightness to let her know she would never go anywhere without her permission.

"I love you." The blonde whispered into her ear, before planting a kiss into Octavia's luscious hair.

Tears started to fall down the brunette's face. "I love you too."

The creak of the door opening broke the girls apart, so they could see who it was.

"Oh, sorry I didn't realise you had a visitor. I'll come back." Niylah felt embarrassed.

Clarke went to protest, but her best friend beat her to it.

"I was just leaving to get a cup of coffee, you can keep Clarke company." Octavia smiled.

"Okay." The hazel-eyed blonde nodded.

"Niylah you remember my best friend Octavia." Clarke spoke.

"Yes, it's nice to see you again." She stuttered out, her cheeks turning a different colour

"Oh i almost didn't recognise you with your clothes on." Octavia laughed before leaving the room.

"She's never going to let that go is she? I can't believe you didn't tell me you lived with your best friend." Niylah groaned

"We were kind of busy that night to go through my living conditions. Plus how was I to know you walk to the kitchen butt naked." Clarke smirked.

It was like Niylah just noticed the condition Clarke was in, after she got over her initial embarrassment.

"Clarke" she gasped; her hand cupped her injured face. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine Niylah, just a bumped head." The blonde reassured.

"I'm so sorry. I would have been here sooner if I had known. The security team acted so quickly, we didn't know what was happening; we heard this crash and screaming. Before I knew it we were all escorted out of the building. I tried to look for you, but then I found out you and Costia were hurt. I got here as soon as I could, but they wouldn't let me see you." Niylah rambled out her words, not taking a breath to breathe.

"Hey, it's okay. I'm glad you're here now." Clarke smiled.

"Please don't do anything like that again."

"It's not like I planned it." The blonde countered

"Maybe not, but you just had to play hero." Niylah smirked

"I'm not a hero Niylah, if anything I made things worse by hurting Costia" Clarke's mood shifted, as she spoke.

"What are you talking about? Costia could have ended up worse if it wasn't for you." Niylah asked

"I don't want to talk about it." Clarke's voice was stern, she didn't mean to sound harsh but the guilt was eating her alive. She heard Costia's screaming in pain and she couldn't help her.

Octavia entered the room instantly sensing the change of atmosphere.

"I better get going, let you get your rest." Niylah said, before debating whether she should kiss Clarke when she was in this mood. Instead she decided to place a kiss on the top of your head. "I'll see you soon."

The brunette watched Niylah leave the room before she quizzed her best friend.

"What was that about?"

"Nothing." Clarke spat, before she could control it.

"Okay you don't want to talk about it. Then just say so. Don't bite my head off." Octavia scowled.

"I'm sorry O." Clarke sighed heavily

"I told one of the nurses to inform your mom you're awake, so she will be here soon." Octavia didn't ponder on the tiff that just happened. She started to roll her neck, as an ache resided there from falling asleep uncomfortably.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I just slept funny." Octavia smiled for reassurance

"You could have gone home; you didn't need to stay here."

Then Octavia suddenly remembered something, she has been itching to ask her best friend.

"Oh by the way. Is there something you want to tell me?" the brunette questioned with a raised eyebrow.

"What?" Clarke replied; confused by her friend's behaviour.

"Don't play coy with me."

"Octavia I don't know what you are talking about."

"Let's see if this refreshes your memory. A certain brunette with beautiful green eyes sitting in the seat I'm currently occupying when I arrived. I think I might have scared her off." Octavia said with amusement in her voice.

"Lexa was here?" Shock was evident on the blonde's face.

"Yeah, when did that happen? Last time I saw her she was chasing you down the street four years ago." Octavia spoke.

"Are you comfortable, because it's a long story?" Clarke replied

Xx

It had been a four days since the accident. Lexa eyes scanned eagerly at the scientific research article that was in her hands, making notes in the pad that was rested in her lap. It has been about an hour since she finished her shift, with it ending in a lecture that had her captivated the moment Abby opened her mouth; so the older Griffith gave Lexa further material she might find interesting. The brunette twirled the pen in her mouth, her brow twitching as she concentrated on a sentence. She heard a distance noise but was too enthralled in what she was reading; she didn't give it a second thought.

Then suddenly, a false cough got her attention. At least that's what Lexa tells herself, as a familiar laughter put an instant smile as the recognition settled in.

"Clarke? What are you doing here?"

Lexa immediately saw the blonde become uncomfortable at the question, before the older girl could question her, Clarke sat down next to her.

"I wanted to support Costia, I hate that she has to go to physical therapy because of me. I couldn't just sit at home, I needed to be here."

"You're a good friend Clarke, but this isn't your fault. You don't need to carry around this guilt." Lexa replied sincerely

"You of all people should understand that's easier said than done." Clarke retorted but frowned at herself for her insensitivity which left Lexa gobsmacked. "Lexa I'm sorry that was uncalled for, please ignore me I haven't been myself since the accident."

"No you're right Clarke. I guess I'm a hypocrite but I know it wasn't my fault that my family got into a car accident. My guilt lies elsewhere-" Lexa falsely cleared her throat; her eyes dropping on her hands, clearly in discomfort of her own words. "But I get the feeling you haven't come to that conclusion yet with Costia's injury."

Clarke didn't respond, as she kept her soft looking eyes on Lexa who was trying to suppress the emotions that had made their way to the surface.

"People deem me as a hero, more like an embarrassment." She scoffed at the statement, it was a saying stuck in her head after watching Youtube Users analyse the footage of the accident; claiming Costia didn't need to be saved "I've watched the footage too many times to count, but I think Costia would have been out of the way before the spotlight hit the runway. I just made things worse."

"Costia is fine, Clarke." Lexa spoke. There was a hint of desperation in her voice; she wanted the blonde to hear her words. "It's mandatory to go to physical therapy to help ease the pain and to improve the joints mobility after the accident. You can't think 'what if', just be grateful that you and Costia are fine. I know I am." The brunette gave a small smile before giving reassuring squeeze on Clarke's hand.

Green eyes connected with blue, as they tried to convey the sincerity in her spoken words, her smile slowly dropped from her face when Clarke averted her eyes to the hand holding.

The brunette snatched her hand away, with a nervous laughter.

"I'm going to use the restroom, Costia should be out in a minute." Lexa scanned her watch; trying her best to avoid Clarke's stare. "Do you mind watching my stuff?"

"Of course not."

She was growing tired of these never ending moments where she wanted the ground to swallow her up.

xxx

"Clarke, what are you doing here?" Costia beamed, making her way over to her friend

"I wanted to see how you were." Clarke stood up from her seat

"You didn't need to come all this way." Costia engulfed her into a hug with her good arm. "A text or phone call would have sufficed." She gave a slight push do her shoulder before adding. "Did someone miss my dashing good looks?"

Clarke smiled but it didn't reach her cheek. Costia instantly caught on

"Clarke please tell me you're not still blaming yourself for my shoulder?" The frustrated tone was evident in her voice

"I literally pulled your arm out of its socket." The blonde deadpanned

"I'll take that over being squashed by a heavy spotlight." Costia laughed. "I'm fine, really."

"I keep telling her that but she doesn't listen." The hazel eyed jumped at her girlfriends voice.

"Lexa, I didn't know you were coming here after work." Costia voice was slightly high pitched; she cursed herself for acting so weird. When she gave it a thought, she couldn't figure why her heart was racing.

"I did text you, but I know your therapist rules. No mobile phones." Lexa smiled.

"Ahh sorry, I haven't turned it back on yet."

An awkward silence consumed the air has the three girls tried desperately to think of something to say, but all of them come up with nothing. The blonde soon came up with an elegant escape plan.

"Well I better get going; I just wanted to make sure your physical therapy was going okay."

"I'm really am doing better, only a few more sessions and then I'll be done. So please stop beating yourself up over this." Costia reassured

Clarke nodded but it wasn't convincing, she just needed time. She allowed people's opinions and analyse of the footage of the accident get embedded into her brain. The blonde acted on pure instinct, she didn't think about consequences or injuries. The internet can be a cruel world, where it's easy to allow the darkness to consume you, but Clarke has thought worse demons. She will get over it in time.

"I'm just hoping the meeting with lawyers next week goes off without a hitch. I can't imagine the company wanting this to go to court, it's to public." Lexa expressed.

"I can't wait to put this fiasco behind us once and for all" Costia said; pushing the exit doors open, when she was suddenly attacked by paparazzi and news reporters.

So many questions where being fired at Clarke and Costia, they muddled together in an endlessness of words.

"Move" Lexa shouted; creating a path for the girls to escape.

The camera flashes were hot on their trail; these people were being relentless to get hold of a story or a picture to sell to the highest bidder.

"Get in." Lexa commanded.

"But my car is parked over there." The blonde voiced

"Clarke, I'll get someone to pick your car; just get in." Costia commanded.

Lexa sped away, putting as much distance, as she could between them and the cameras.

"How the hell did they find me?" Costia moaned; her anger boiling to the surface. She had enough of the constant attention since the accident. "I even switched cars today, to make sure I wasn't followed."

Clarke tried to sink in her leather seat, as she looked sheepishly out the window. She didn't take any precaution, whilst going to the therapy centre. "I'm so sorry Costia, I didn't think. They could have followed me there."

"Don't be, it's not your fault they're vultures." The hazel-eyed brunette spat with venom, before switching on her phone to call her mom about the situation. Her phone blew up with notifications. "Besides it wasn't your fault Clarke, someone snapped me walking into the therapy centre." She spoke softly; showing the blonde the photo.

Clarke nodded in confirmation, at least that's one thing she doesn't have to feel guilty about.

"I don't know about you Clarke, but I really need to get away from this madness. I thought it would die down by now, but it seems to be number one news because of the lawsuit."

Lexa quickly stole a glance at her girlfriend, before catching Clarke's blue eyes staring at her in the mirror.

"It would be nice to escape for a while." Clarke agreed.

"That's settled then. I will make arrangements for all of us to go to my beach house in the Hamptons this weekend." Costia beamed.

"We have dinner plans with my parents this weekend." Lexa countered; putting a damper on the plans.

Costia sighed heavily, not wanting to argue with her girlfriend whilst there was company in the car.

"Lexa, I'm sorry with everything that's gone on it slipped my mind."

"I can't cancel on them Cos. I haven't seen them in ages" Lexa voice was stern; she briefly looked into her mirror seeing Clarke trying hard to find something interesting out the window. The brunette knew what the Hamptons meant to the intern.

"I know, I know." She agreed. "How about they come to the Hamptons for the weekend, that way you can spend more time with them."

"What?" Lexa gasped at the ridiculous idea. "I can't expect them to drop everything, and travel to the Hamptons!"

"At least ask them first. They might surprise you; I bet Anya would be up for it. They won't have to worry about anything; I'll send a driver to pick them up."

Lexa didn't reply straight away, Costia was making it hard for her to come up with excuses.

"I'll ask them." Her tone was flat.

"So what do you say Clarke? You want to go to the Hamptons; we can invite some of the other girls, make a weekend out of it; maybe a beach party." Costia perked up.

Clarke heart raced at the first mention of the Hamptons and now she felt it beat out of sync. She hasn't been there since the summer she spent there with her dad.

"I-I um—" Clarke couldn't hear her own thoughts above her pounding heart-beat.

"It will be fun, you'll see. You can invite Octavia and her boyfriend if you like."

"I'll ask them." Clarke smiled tightly

"Awesome."

Clarke and Lexa eyes met again through the mirror. The brunette features were soft; she was trying to comfort the blonde, knowing the struggled she was having. She offered a smile, which Clarke ignored turning out to face the window.

Xx

Let me know what you think.

A weekend at the Hamptons what can go wrong?

 **Replies to reviews**

 **Guest**

Sorry to hear you were having a shitty week, but I'm glad my story helped to make it better. Thanks for reading, hope you have a good weekend!

 **Daizyduke**

Thanks for the review, really means a lot. Hope I don't let you down with future chapters.

 **L**

I agree, there are a lot of unsaid things between them and they will get there, but for now Clarke will be happy with Niylah. With the new update I did, I made subtle changes to Clexa's relationship, how people read into that is up to them, but I do have a plan. Lexa and Costia are basically staying together because they feel like they owe it to themselves to try, but the inevitable will happen soon.

No you got the vibes right, I can reassure it won't develop into anything, just something Clarke and Costia have to overcome for the sake of their friendship. It will create friction between Niylah and Costia, which you shall see in the coming chapters.

I feel sorry for Lexa in that aspect because while she loves Costia and cares for her deeply, she doesn't have that connection where she feels safe and secure to tell her about her parents. Lexa has smothered herself with survivor's guilt and it takes quite a strong connection to break through the barrier she has put up. I think it surprised her when a 14 year old girl did it, but now they're older; Lexa will see Clark in a different light.

Lexa really did deal with it badly, but her and Clarke aren't all that different as Clarke will realise that soon, when Octavia makes her realise something, and that's where the progress of forgiveness will come into play.

 **Smashley Simpson**

I'm sorry to have kept you waiting so long, I hope you enjoyed the update!

 **Sapphirecelestial**

I'm so glad you're enjoying the story, really means a lot. It's fun to write the characters, so it's awesome to hear you like their interactions I always like to surprise my readers!

 **Guest**

Kudos to you, that's a lot of reading haha. I'm glad it seemed worth it, thanks for reading!

 **Danielleiscrazy247**

It's awesome to hear you're enjoying it. I know Lexa did handle things badly, she has a lot to make up for!

 **Guest**

Well how can I say no to a pretty please? I hope you enjoyed the new update.


	13. Chapter 13

I'm sorry for the long wait, new job has been kicking my ass.

Thank you so much for your reviews and for your patience.

Hope you enjoy the chapter- To the Hamptons we go!

* * *

Clarke watched with distant eyes at the party that was starting to get underway. Some of the gang arrived at the Hamptons about two hours ago, and it was only about thirty minutes ago friends of Costia's poured in. The blonde played with the plastic cup in her hands, she didn't hear her friend approach.

"A penny for your thoughts." Octavia said; grabbing hold of her best friend's arm, and rested her head on Clarke's shoulder.

Clarke was about to answer, when her eyes met soft green from across the room. Lexa looked just as out of place, as Clarke felt, with Costia's rich friends making up the numbers at the moment. The intern was praying Lincoln and the other models would get here soon; she kind of wished she didn't agree to come early to get the house ready. A voice broke her out of her thoughts.

"Clarke?"

"Sorry, what?" She looked into concern blue eyes.

"Are you sure it was good idea to come here? You've been off since the moment we arrived." Octavia questioned; concern evident in voice.

"I know, it's just I feel like I should be somewhere else." Clarke looked down at the empty cup in her hands, she doesn't even remember drinking all of its contents.

"What do you mean?" The brunette furrowed in confusion.

"The moment I stepped out of the car, I felt his presence." A smile grew on Clarke's face as she remembered the feeling; it wasn't hard for Octavia to figure out Clarke was talking about her dad. "I might go for a walk along the beach; I think that's where I need to be. I'm just-, I miss him so much O."

Octavia engulfed Clarke in a tight embrace. "Tell him I said hello, okay." Both girls tried to fight off the tears that were threatening to spill down their face.

"I will." The intern pulled out the hug. "Are you going to be okay?"

"Yes, stop worrying about me. Lincoln should be here soon."

"Have you spoken to him? I just hope the girls aren't coming on to him too strong." Clarke laughed.

"Oh please, I bet it's his dream, driving in a car full of models." Octavia shook her head at the image, fighting back her laughter. "Speaking of models, have you heard whether Niylah is coming?"

Clarke's laughter died down rapidly, her face slightly saddened. "No, she hasn't answered my texts."

Octavia gave her a sympathetic look, one Clarke hated to see.

"Are you sure you're going to be okay, I can wait till L—"

"Don't you dare, just go will you." Octavia ushered her out.

"Okay." Clarke said; before glancing back over to where Lexa was, the brunette was no longer. Clarke ignored the disappointed feeling that recited inside of her, as she walked out the door.

xx

"Have you guys seen Clarke? I can't find her anywhere." Costia spoke; going on her tiptoes to see above the crowd in the living room.

"I saw her walk out towards to the beach about ten minutes ago" Raven reported

"Is she okay? Why did she leave?" Costia questioned

"I don't know Cos that exceeds my power of sight." Raven replied bluntly.

"It's going to get dark soon, she shouldn't be out there alone." Costia said; ignoring the Latinas sarcasm.

"I know you're worried but Clarke is a big girl, she can look after herself." Octavia tried to reason, knowing why Clarke left without saying a word.

Lexa overheard the conversation, so she stopped what she was doing and leaned against doorframe where she wasn't noticed by anymore.

"Okay, but if she's not back when it gets dark; then I think we should go look for her. We might be in the Hamptons but you don't know what drunken idiots you can run into here." Costia suggested.

"They seem to be all your friends, so you would know." Raven spoke up, with sickening sweet smile as she looked around the room.

"Look, as soon as it gets dark, I'll be the first one at the door, okay." Octavia nodded; fighting the urge to roll her eyes.

Lexa pushed herself off the wood, and made her way out of the house.

Xx

Clarke was standing with her sandals in her hand, allowing the subtle waves wash over her feet. The water was cold, but she embraced the chilling impact. She had missed this feeling. Her eyes were glued on the beautiful sunset in the horizon, as her childhood thoughts flooded her mind.

Lexa made her way along the beach, when she finally saw a figure in the distance. The blonde hair blowing freely in the gentle breeze, it was easy to know it was Clarke. She watched from a far for a little while, allowing the intern to find what she was looking for, before making her presence known. Since they arrived at the Hamptons Lexa knew something was wrong with Clarke, she couldn't help but make sure she was alright we subtle glances, she knew the blonde was dealing with a lot of emotions regarding her dad.

"Everyone was wondering where you went?" She spoke softly, not wanting to scare the girl who was deep in thought.

"I'm sorry i should have said something, I just felt like this place was calling me." Clarke replied in a monotone; still clearly deep in her thoughts, as she continued to stare out to the sea.

"Are you okay?" Lexa asked; her eyes trying to search blue for the answer, but found a mixture of emotions she couldn't quite decipher.

"Do you remember when I told you about my yearly trips to the Hamptons with my dad?"

"Of course I do." Lexa nodded

"That's my grandfather's summer house, that's where we stayed." Clarke turned and pointed at a house in the distance. "I walked across this sandy beach so many times, holding my dad's hand. Being here, it just feels-" Clarke paused; trying to find the right words to describe the warmth that was spreading in her chest. "I feel closer to him here."

Lexa smiled at the brightness that had appeared in Clarke's blue eyes.

"I've been so busy with my internship; I started to feel guilty that I haven't been thinking of him lately. I think the stupid runway accident has been the best thing to happen to me, it's brought me closer to my dad."

Clarke turned to face Lexa.

"Costia is one of the good ones. I can't thank her enough, for suggesting this break. I was hesitant at first but I realize now that i really needed it." The blonde smiled at Lexa, before turning around, breathing in her surroundings. It was like a drug, making her feel at peace within herself.

The mention of Costia, makes Lexa feel guilty. She couldn't pinpoint why.

"Yeah. Yeah she is. Well I'll leave you alone. I'll let the others know you're okay."  
Lexa turned to leave.

Clarke looked like she was battling a thought. She stepped forwards, towards the path Lexa had set on her way back, she quickly second guest her movement, opting to look back out to the sea. Clarke caved, finally opening her mouth, releasing the words she kept trapped.

"Lexa wait."

The brunette turned around all too eagerly.

"I never thanked you for what you did the night of the accident. Octavia told me you were in my room when she arrived." Clarke voice wasn't as confident as usual, she felt exposed somehow.

"Costia had just fallen asleep, I just wanted to make sure you were okay, you gave us quite the scare. I didn't mean to overstep, I know you want nothing to do with me." Lexa nodded sadly, but with an understanding look in her eye at her own statement.

"Lexa." Clarke exasperated.

"Its fine, I brought this on myself. I don't blame you Clarke for being mad at me, because what I did-" Lexa cut herself off, shaking her head at the memories, before a bitter laugh erupted from her mouth. "There are so many things I want to say to you. I've had a whole speech prepared for four years and I still haven't forgiven myself for what I did. So I know words will never fix what I did to you, but just know that I have spent every second regretting that moment. You were my friend Clarke; you trusted me and I hurt you. I broke a promise that I should have kept, if I could go back-"

"But you can't." Clarke interrupted; silence hung between them uncomfortable, while the blonde processed a thought. "I think you were right before, we can at least be civil towards each other, and then maybe one day we can move passed this. I'm too tired to be mad at you Lexa, it will only cause suspicion and I really don't want Costia finding out that I used to h—have-"Clarke stuttered at mentioning the feelings she once had for the brunette in front of her.

"I would take whatever you're willing to give Clarke." Lexa concluded; stopping Clarke from having to speak about the past. A confirmed nod from the blonde ignited an understanding between the two girls, and a comfortable silence pursued between them until Lexa broke it "I can see why you like it here." The brunette inhaled deeply before continuing. "It's beautiful."

"I always thought i was staring at the gateway to heaven, there's a peaceful essence a sunset gives you." Clarke spoke deep in thought

"My dad once told me that he believes the sunset takes the bad things away at the end of the day and when the sun rises, it's a new day to start over again; to learn from previous mistakes, to be a better person than you where yesterday."

Clarke looks at Lexa knowingly, after all this time the blonde could still read the older girl like a book.

"He even has a similar saying on his restaurant wall." She laughs, but something was off about it. "He really believes it."

"And you don't?" the blonde questioned

"it's not that I don't, just there are some things that even the sunset can't take away; like the pain you feel when you've lost someone close to you. You wake up and they're still gone, but for a split second when you open your eyes you get a taste of that brand new day my dad speaks about, but then it's ripped away from you in an instant when you remember they're gone. Life is beautiful Clarke, but it can just be as cruel." Lexa spoke, her voice slightly wavered; Clarke felt her pain, but she couldn't have Lexa thinking like that.

"I guess you're right, but I think your overthinking your dad's words. You must admit staring out to that sunset, does take your problems away, even if it is just for a moment. You can just relax without having the weight of your thoughts on your mind, and just enjoy the beauty of life instead of the cruelty."

"Touché" There is a small tug at the corner of Lexa's lip causing one side to rise in amusement.

Clarke's mouth wanted to speak, but her brain was short circuiting. Why was she so conflicted by the words that she wanted say. She wanted the brunette to stay; it has been awhile since she saw the Lexa she once knew. The fourteen year old inside of her was yearning for Lexa's presence. Clarke hesitancy made it clear she still had her walls built high when it came to the brunette, she didn't want to get hurt again but small steps had to be taken if she was ever going to let go of the sadness and anger that resided within her. So she made a bold move.

"Do you mind if we stay here for a bit longer and then we can head back? I just don't want to be alone; it's going to get dark soon."

Lexa knew this could potential be a bad idea, but the reasons to stay outweighed the reasons to leave by a landslide. Clarke was being civil; she wasn't going to ruin the progress they have made.

No words were exchanged. Lexa gave a firm nod with a gentle smile: making her way to the blonde's side.

Xx

"Has anyone seen Lexa?" Costia prompted in a frustrated tone, as she pushed a drunken guy out the way to reach the girls.

"No." Raven and Octavia replied in unison, not really registering Costia's presence.

"First Clarke, now Lexa. This is supposed to be a party; the others haven't even arrived yet and everyone is disappearing." The brunette groaned in irritation.

"Calm down Costia, she might have just gone for a walk or to the shops." Octavia tried to reassure.

"Without saying anything?" Costia snapped

Octavia slightly frowned, at the reaction. This girl was starting to get on her nerves. "When it gets dark we will go looking for both of them."

"Open your eyes, it's already getting dark, I think we should go now." Costia walked away, not saying anything else

"Is she always like this?" Octavia whispered to Raven

"Bossy? Yep the apple doesn't fall far from the tree." The Latina girl laughed under her breath. "Come on, before she comes back here, barking at us again."

"I get the feeling, you don't like her." Octavia smirked.

"We just never clicked the way me and Lexa did at University. I don't hate her or dislike her, she just an acquaintance, it would be an awkward moment if we were left in a room alone. If you know what I mean." Raven raised her eyebrows in question.

"I think i do, she's been over at mine and Clarke's flat a few times and I always feel like my presence is unwanted."

"That's how she made me feel years ago, I just ignore it now. I don't know if she's aware that she does it, but I think she likes having someone's full attention because her mom always gave her very little." Raven shrugged

"Are you guys ready?" Costia appeared at the door, before making her way out not waiting for them.

Octavia pulled a mocking expression at Raven, who reciprocated with a salute, before both girls started laughing; following shortly behind their general.

xx

Lexa's laugh erupted from her chest, as she sat next to Clarke on the sandy beach.

"I was only eight years old, okay! It was very traumatic at the time." Clarke pouted: telling the brunette one her dad's favourite stories of the many times they visited the Hamptons.

"I feel sorry for your dad. You scared the hell out of him, screaming thinking you were drowning, when all you needed to do was to stand up in the water." Lexa shook her head at the blonde's ridiculousness.

"He loved telling everyone about that story. He could tell it much better than i ever could, he was quite the charmer." Clarke's lips tugged into a smile.

"I wish i could have met him. He sounded amazing Clarke."

"He was. I know he would have liked you." Clarke smiled, to show she meant it.

Lexa shrugged, not knowing what to say; she grabbed a handful of sand and watched it leave her hand, blowing easily in the breeze, trying to mask her smile.

Lexa cleared her throat "It's getting late now; we should head back before the others send a search party."

Clarke tried to hide her disappoint, she missed spending time we Lexa, missed the way her smile was so contagious, Clarke couldn't help but smile in her presence. She forgot how easy it is to just be, when she was with her.

"You're right." Clarke stood up, brushing the sand of her clothes before lending a hand to help Lexa up.

The brunette smiled goofily at the gesture before grabbing just below the blonde's wrist about to hoist herself, when Clarke used her weight to help Lexa up at the same time, causing more momentum to be generated that anticipated.

Lexa's body went crashing into Clarke's, her free hand grabbed hold of the blonde's waist to steady them.

"I'm sorry." Clarke laughed in unison with Lexa. "I didn't know you were going to pull yourself up"

"Are you okay?" Lexa questioned; sincere green eyes met blue, and Clarke sucked in the cool air unexpectedly, only now realising now how close they were. She gave a quick nod, before swallowing thickly when she looked down too see Lexa's hand still resting on her hip.

Lexa followed her line of sight, soon catching onto the awkwardness that was steadily growing between them.

Lexa clears her throat, removing her hand from Clarke's waist, and took a step back.

Clarke was about to say something, when a familiar voice called out.

"Lexa, Clarke. There you guys are! Do you know how worried we were?" Costia said: making her way over to the girls.

"By we, she means her." Raven deadpanned. "It's the Hamptons, for Christ sakes."

Costia sent a death glare towards the Latina girl, who seemed to ignore the look.

"I don't care, anything can happen." Costia voiced before turning her attention on Lexa; hooking her arms around her neck. "Besides you were supposed to save me from my insufferable friends."

The movement stunned the brunette, placing her hands on her waist.

"Does she know she's insufferable?" Raven whispered to Octavia.

"I know, I'm sorry. It was a long journey, and it was getting a bit crapped in there, just wanted fresh air and to stretch my legs. Then I found Clarke watching the sunset." Lexa spoke, it wasn't a complete lie.

"You should have told me, I would have come with you." Costia responded with a pout.

"You hate walking."

"True." Costia laughed, leaning in to kiss her girlfriend.

Clarke felt awkward witnessing the PDA session.

Lexa pulled out of the kiss, giving her girlfriend a small smile, before subtly watching Clarke walk over to Octavia, before returning her attention back to Costia.

"I know that look Clarke, you're playing with fire." Octavia nodded towards Lexa, who was talking with Costia.

"it's not like that O, those feelings are gone. What you're seeing is a young girl reacquainted with memories of her father." Clarke smiled brightly.

"I want to believe you. I really do, but I just have this feeling." Octavia wasn't convinced, she knows Clarke better than anyone. She loves to live in denial before admitting her feelings.

"Did I have a crush on Lexa when I was younger, yes I did. I'll admit that, but those feelings are gone."

Something in Octavia facial expressions told Clarke she still didn't believe her. So she continued.

"I haven't forgiven her, but I'm tired of being so angry at her. I'm trying to be civil. One of these days, I might want to know what she has to say, but now it's not the time. The dust needs to settle first, before I can relive that moment again."

Okay." The brunette smiles, whilst nodding her head in understanding.

"Besides, I have this thing with Niylah now. I still haven't figured out what's going on with us, but I like her O. She's—" Clarke never finished that sentence out loud, she just smiled at the thoughts of the model.

"I thought you didn't want anything serious." Octavia felt like she was getting whiplash from Clarke's change of emotions tonight.

"I don't, and neither does she. So I think we should just let things happen as they happen."

"Because that' going to end well!" Octavia mumbled

Clarke furrowed gently at the comment, she wasn't willing to admit it got under of her skin. She wanted to defend herself against the comment, but a Latina with too much energy interrupted.

"Not that this little reunion isn't touching and all, but can we go back now and show those rich idiots how to drink." Raven cheered, not knowing what the weekend had in store for this group of clueless girls.

Xxx

When the girls got back, they had more guests waiting outside. Octavia charged at Lincoln, who picked her up swinging her around before placing a needy kiss to her lips.

Clarke smiled brightly when she saw a certain blonde in the crowd. She casually made her way over to her, not letting her excitement get the better of her. Not realising that there were a few more eyes on her than Niylah's. Both Lexa and Costia tried to casually watch the exchange between the two blondes

"I'm glad you decided to come." Clarke spoke, walking right up to the model

"I'll never miss an opportunity to- party." Niylah creased her brow, cringing at her own words.

Clarke laughed knowing the blonde was struggling to keep her composure. She decided to be bold.

"Uh, so you only came for the party, and there was me thinking I was the deal breaker." Clarke smirked; wrapping her arms around Niylah's waist.

"Well a pretty blonde inviting me here, was definitely a bonus." The models smiled.

"I wonder what other bonuses you can get, once this party ends." Clarke said before planting a kiss on Niylah's cheek, leaving a stunned model in her wake, as she walked inside the house.

Raven overhead the last part and looked at Niylah's face and laughed. "You've got your hands full with that one."

"You have no idea." The blonde chuckled under her breath, when she spotted Costia staring at her. She decided to bite the bullet and walk over to her.

"Niylah." Costia tightly smiled, to mask her surprise in seeing the blonde here.

"Hello Costia." The fake greeting was evident in her voice, she could see right through Costia's façade. "Can we talk in private?"

"Of course. I'll be right in babe." Costia kissed Lexa's cheek; who looked between the two models sensing a tensed atmosphere.

"Okay, I'll go get us some drinks." Lexa excused herself and made her way in.

"I'm just going to cut straight to the point here. Do you have a problem with me?" Niylah stated

"No, why would i?" the brunette defended.

"I don't know, you invited all the other girls, but conveniently managed to forget to ask me." Niylah spoke bluntly.

"I just thought it would spread like wildfire, all the girls were invited." Costia replied nonchalantly

"Huh, that's interesting, because whenever there is a mention of a party, it's all anyone talks about. However this time, it's like they were told not to. I don't know if I'm being paranoid, but I think you didn't want me to come, and I want to know why?" Niylah remained calm, it wasn't in her to get mad over something like this, she just wanted to find out why Costia is acting like this.

"Niylah you are being paranoid, why would I have a problem with you?" she protested innocently.

"Okay" Niylah reluctantly accepted the answer; she went to turn away but there was just something telling her that Costia was lying. "Even though I work in the model industry, I don't like bitchiness, so if you do have problem. I hope I can rely on you to tell me." She added before walking away

Costia watched Niylah enter the house, she swallowed thickly; removing the furrow stare that was on her face before going inside with a fake enthusiastic smile on her face.

Xxx

Whilst at college Lexa knew she was a bit uptight and didn't join the social aspect of what college offered. Nevertheless she had good reason, she had a lot personal baggage to deal with, plus she needed to get good grades, to prove something to herself, she couldn't deal with distractions. It was hard for her to let Costia in again, once they moved into the dorm. They were completely different people, Costia loved to party and skip class. Whereas Lexa couldn't afford that luxury, she just couldn't risk it; she stayed in revising and doing assignments.

It didn't mean she didn't know how to let loose once in a while, but Lexa felt uncomfortable at this party. She barely knows anyone, and the people she does know are dancing, or more like grinding on each other in the middle of the room. Raven soon drew her attention over to where they're playing beer pong.

"Boom! Come on suckers, drink up!" Raven demanded; loving every minute of it.

"You totally played us, you're way to good at this." Clarke laughed; taking the ball out of the last cup on the table and downing it in one. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.

"Don't hate the player, hate the game." Raven chimed.

Lexa was goofily smiling at the scene that was unfolding before her eyes, she didn't hear her girlfriend walking up behind her.

"Have I done something?" Costia asked bluntly with a drunken slur.

"What you mean?" Lexa turned, looking confused by the random outburst. Then she could smell the alcohol on her breath

"I feel like you're here, but not really here." The brunette seemed lost in concentration; wondering in that made sense.

"Costia, you're not making any sense. Where is this coming from?" Lexa questioned quietly.

The brunette looked over her Lexa's shoulder seeing Niylah whispering something into Clarke's ear causing her to laugh.

"I feel so lonely sometimes, why you can never just let loose and have fun." Costia slurred, before moving past her, nudging her slightly.

Lexa felt each word hit her with a force, she sucked on her bottom lip trying to get over the harshness of the spoken words. She walked numbly into the kitchen, needing to get away from the loud music and people.

She placed her hands over the sink, sighing heavily. The brunette didn't hear anyone come in

"Lexa, are you okay?" Clarke spoke, as she made some drinks.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Lexa assured, but didn't turn to face her

"Are you sure?" Clarke questioned

"I'm fine Clarke, go enjoy the party." Lexa said with force in her words, now turning to face Clarke.

"You know I don't find it coincidence that you went on a walk and found me on the beach. I think you were there to make sure I was okay. You've been giving me this comforting look since we arrived here. You knew I was struggling, didn't you?" Clarke smiled; which caused Lexa to look away. "So why won't you let me, make sure you're okay. I know you're lying Lexa, you're not really good at it."

Lexa laughed with an offended scoff.

"Costia and I" Lexa sighed. "God I don't even know, we just don't seem to fit together anymore. We just keep getting into petty fights." Green eyes widened, not really knowing why she just spilled that to Clarke of all people.

"I'm sorry. Costia is going through a lot right now, maybe she just acting out. It will blow over soon."

Lexa smiled at Clarke's attempt to make her feel better, but deep down she knows it's only a matter of time before it comes to an end, and she knows it's her fault for never truly opening herself up to Costia.

"Maybe you're right." Lexa glanced down at nothing in particular; she just couldn't lie directly into those blue eyes.

It was futile; Clarke picked up on the uncertainty of the brunette's words, she really wasn't a good liar.

Lexa read Clarke's expression; the brunette knew the intern would stay to try and make her feel better; to help fix her relationship, but it's a party she should be enjoying herself. Besides there was someone waiting for Clarke.

"Clarke, go enjoy the party. I think your friend is waiting for her drink." Lexa nodded in the direction behind Clarke.

The blonde turned to see Niylah leaning against the wall, looking at her phone. It that moment she looked up to see Clarke and Lexa looking at her, she smiled and waved awkwardly.

Clarke laughed. "You want to join us, we're coming up with a plan, on how to beat Raven! She needs to be taken down."

"I'm going to call it an early night, but thank you Clarke." Lexa went to leave, when she turned to face Clarke again. "This might seem inappropriate, but Raven's weakness is boobs."

Clarke furrowed in confusion, by this information. Lexa continued; laughing at the blonde's expression

"She won't be able to concentrate when enough cleavage is on show, she'll miss every shot; guaranteed." Lexa smirked.

"Boobs." Clarke shook her head, laughing at the awkward conversation with Lexa. "Thank you."

"Goodnight Clarke." Lexa left the kitchen, not hearing the blonde's reply.

"Goodnight Lexa."

Xxx

Lexa's advice helped them win the beer-pong game in less than 10 minutes. Raven's face was all the victory Clarke and Niylah needed, they laughed at the awe-struck look. The two blonde girl's pulled their tops up, in an obvious manner they saw the recognition in Raven's eyes.

"Lexa, you're so dead. I trusted you with that secret!" Raven roared; she stormed off searching for the brunette.

Niylah turned to face Clarke, grabbing hold of her face and planting a soft kiss on her lips.

"That was amazing; she really is a sucker for a pair of boobs. Did you see her face? God I'm so glad I came, I've had a great night."

Clarke smiled brightly at the model "Me too." The blonde continued to search hazel eyes.

"What is it?" Niylah questioned.

"I want to show you something." Clarke grabbed hold of her hand, and led the way out of the house.

xx

"Clarke, where are we going?" Niylah asked again; after being dragged by the blonde across the beach for the last fifteen minutes.

"You'll see." Clarke answered, when she stopped outside a house, and walked up the stairs.

"Umm, what are you doing?" Niylah whispered; standing awkwardly on the beach still.

"I'm looking for the spare key. I know it's around here somewhere." the intern said; picking up small plant pots.

"We're breaking into a house?" The model ran up the stairs, to see if Clarke has lost her mind.

"Will you relax, it belongs to my grandfather." Clarke laughs. "ah-ha, I found it." The blonde opened the door entering the premises, with a hesitant model behind her.

"Are you sure this is okay. He doesn't rent it out or anything does he?" Niylah said looking around; everything was in neat condition.

"I don't know, maybe in the summer sometimes." Clarke shrugged.

"Clarke it is the summer!" Niylah squealed

"Well I guess we will find out then." Clarke darted upstairs without a care in the world.

"Clarke!" Niylah called out in a hush tone, just in case there was someone living here. She groaned audible following quickly behind the blonde's steps.

The model rushed upstairs, she didn't realised Clarke had come to a stop, nearly crashing into her when she reached the landing. Before she can question her, Clarke spoke.

"It's exactly how I left it." the intern walked into the room, taking in the memories that were flooding her mind.

"Is this your room?" Niylah questioned, looking at the photos on display. The model picked up the one of Clarke and a guy who she assumed was her father. Clarke was on his back, as they stood next to a sophisticated sand castle, pulling a face at the camera "God you look so cute, is that your dad?" She smiled handing the picture over to Clarke.

"Yeah, he was a total goof ball." The intern laughed

"Can definitely see where you get it from." Niylah smirked

"I don't even recognise that girl in this photo anymore." Clarke spoke sadly, as the realisation of her words sunk in.

"I don't believe that." Niylah smiled; taking the photo out of the blonde's hands to take a look.

"You don't understand, Niylah." Clarke spoke; taking a seat on her bed. "I had to grow up fast, that girl disappeared during the transition."

The model placed the picture back in its rightful place, before walking over to and bending down in front of her; grabbing hold of her wrists.

"I remember when you told me about the importance of this watch. That it belonged to your dad. I'm not saying I know the pain you went through when you lost him, but I can see the impact it had in your eyes." Hazel searched into blue.

"I shut down" Clarke's voice wavered, as her emotions poured out of her. "I shut everyone out of my life. I could see my mom was worried about me, but I didn't have the strength to care. Then she—"

"What did she do?" Niylah prompted.

Clarke stared into piercing hazel eyes, as they waited an answer. She didn't want to dive into that right now; it was a conversation for another day.

"She tried to help me, but it didn't go according to plan. Somewhere along the line I stopped being that fourteen year old girl, she just evaporated away." The sadness that seethed through her words, touched Niylah's heart.

"Clarke, you just need to look deeper. People are like trees, you only—"

"Okay you lost me." Clarke laughed, not meaning to interrupt but she didn't expect that.

Niylah laughed before continuing. "You only see what the tree has grown to be, you don't see the roots that are buried deep beneath it. So what I'm trying to say is that you might feel like you don't recognise that girl in the photo, but she will always remain inside of you, she helped build the person you are today. And I think I've told this to you before, but I find you pretty amazing Clarke Griffin. "

"You compare me to a tree, and yet somehow you make it work." The intern looked adoringly into hazel eyes.

Niylah laughed, just as she was about to speak, Clarke grabbed the back of her neck and surged forward; placing a needy kiss on her lips. "No more talking."

xx


	14. Chapter 14

This chapter is shorter than usual, kind of wanted to get this out because it's been awhile and with writer's block kicking my ass, I wanted to have a victory not matter how small it is.

Niylah and Clarke hit rough waters

Clarke and Lexa spend more time together. It is more from Clarke's point of view, you see her battle with old feelings while dealing with her argument with Niylah. Please note just because Clarke is experience old feelings _does not_ mean she will act on them, I just found it more realistic to show the readers this battle. The ball is definitely in Lexa's side of the court, but it is a slow burner so appreciate every single one of you that still with me. Truly means a lot!

xx

"Hey." Clarke's voice was deep and husky, as she left a kiss on the warm body that was facing away from her. "You didn't fall asleep on me did you?"

A humorous laugh echoed out, before shuffling to face the intern "God, that was one time."

"It was our first time, to be correct." Clarke said with pride.

"You surprised me, I wasn't expecting—" Niylah bit her lip, trying to contain her arousal as flashbacks to that night came flooding back. "My stamina has improved since then." She added with a blushing laugh.

Clarke buried her laughter in the duvet before meeting Niylah's beautiful eyes.

"I like spending time with you Clarke-" Niylah paused and Clarke sees something flicker in those hazel eyes, causing a crease to form in between her eyebrows, as she tried to decipher what it could possible mean. An unwelcomed shot of adrenaline was injected into her heart and for a split second her chest felt hollow, before the beating organ announced its presence; pounding against her ribcage.

Niylah's voice filled the silence, and the model's words brought Clarke's fear to the surface.

"Clarke, I usually never ask for more than this moment." Niylah bit her lip, as her nerves rushed to the surface, but she needed Clarke to hear these words. "But then you turn my world upside down, now I need to know what I am to you. What is it we are doing? "

"Niylah-" Clarke spoke softly, but the model cut her off quickly.

"Whenever I try to figure it out, you find a way to change the subject, and most of the time it leads to us having sex." She scoffed humorously, not realising the weight of her words were having on the young blonde next to her.

Clarke never felt more exposed in her life, and the intern cursed the irony as she lay naked next to the woman, who was making her feel raw. Clarke shot out of bed, searching eagerly for her bra, but settled for the white vest top that lingered on the post of her bed.

"Clarke." Niylah cooed, with her eyes shut wishing she didn't open her mouth.

"I get it. You want answers; it was inevitable this conversation would come up. And you know what Niylah, I like you, I do but you had no right to basically tell me I'm emotionally unavailable; that I use sex, as some type of diversion." The intern glared at the dirty blonde, before turning her attention back to find her clothes.

"What? Clarke, No! I didn't mean it like that. I never meant to upset you. This was my terrible attempt to tell you I want more than just sex. I just wish you would talk to me, you are so guarded Clarke; I can see it in your eyes, just let me in, you can trust me." Niylah pleaded emotionally.

An angry scoff erupted from Clarke's throat, her rage boiled to the surface and the stupidity of the girl in front of her.

"Why did you think, I brought you here. This was me opening up to Niylah. " Clakre gestured around the room, that's when she noticed her bra; walking over to it and picked it up, turning to face Niylah.

The model's facial expression changed, as the realisation washed over her.

"I'm not good at communicating my feelings, so I show them. You don't understand how hard it is for to be here, and share this with you." Clarke's voice is soft and vulnerable, not able to look Niylah in the eyes; instead opting to put her bra on.

"I do know" Niylah jumped out of bed, not caring about covering her body as she moved her way to Clarke. "I could see how this place changed you; the emotions that surfaced in your eyes. That's why I thought-" The model bowed her head, as she looked over to the bed. Clarke watched the movement, and quickly cut her off with a clipped tone.

"You thought that's why we just had sex? To fill some kind of void? To run away from the emotions I was experiencing? Well looks like you've got me all figured out, guess there's no need to talk about it anymore, when you have all the answers" Clarke left, not giving Niylah a second look.

"Fuck." Niylah gasped irritably; cursing herself for ruining the night. No matter how hard she tried to get Clarke to see where she was coming from, she just kept making things ten times worse.

Xx

Clarke walked into a twenty four hour diner, not wanting to go back to the party. She fiddled with the menu, her eyes scanned over it out of habit, but no information was being registered, as her argument with Niylah lingered in her mind.

"What can I get you, love?" A woman's voice broke her out of her thoughts. _Doreen if her name tag is right._

"I'll have a coffee for now please" Clarke smiled.

"Coming right up." The waitress turned to grab the pot of coffee, and poured it into a cup.

"Thank you."

"You're the second girl to come in here, looking like they've got the weight of the world on their shoulders. You girls are so young and beautiful, you should be having fun." The woman let out a gentle laugh.

"The second?" Clarke questioned.

The waitress nodded her head to the side, the blonde followed the gesture and her eyes flashed in surprise to find Lexa sitting alone at a booth, her elbows on the table with her fingertips supporting her head, as she stared down at her coffee.

A small smile grew on Clarke's face, removing the scowl that once resided on her face. The waitress hummed knowingly, as she watched the transformation before her eyes. She poured another coffee into a cup and handed it over to the blonde.

The intern looked at the older woman inquisitively, by the second cup of coffee.

"She's been staring at that coffee for twenty minutes, I bet its cold now. " Doreen smiled, and Clarke got the hint; blushing slightly at the insinuation.

Clarke nodded with a smile of appreciation, before she started to make her way over to the brunette who still hasn't noticed her present.

"Out of all the twenty-four hour diners-" The blonde started to speak

"Clarke?" The name was spoken with a slight hesitancy, surprised that the blonde was standing in front of her.

"-you walk into my favourite one. Can I join you? I've got fresh coffee" Clarke offered with a dashing smile.

Lexa didn't speak; she accepted the intern's offer, with curt nod and a small smirk that continued to grow on her face. She graciously took the coffee that was handed to her.

"What are you doing here?" Lexa asked curiously.

Clarke locked eyes with green, she could see the concern in them, but it held back and that's when the blonde knew Lexa wasn't going to pry the information out of her.

"I'm running away." Clarke joked; taking a sip of her coffee. A pleased tone hummed into the air, as the hot drink oozes done her throat; instantly warming up her body.

Lexa didn't realise she was staring at the intern, until that soft voice broke her out of her trance.

"I can ask you the same thing. What are you doing here?"

"I couldn't sleep. The party was still going strong, when I left thirty minutes ago. I stumbled across this place; something about it pulled me in." Lexa glance around the diner.

Clarke smiled, tucking a piece of her hair behind her ear; knowing exactly what the brunette was talking about, this place held a special place in her heart.

Lexa's smile soon dropped slightly when she saw a few bruises just below the blonde's ear. When blue met green, Clarke could see the struck expression Lexa was given off; she suddenly became very aware of what she was looking at.

Clarke not-so-casually flicked her hair back to cover up them back up.

"So what's good to eat here?" Lexa says eagerly scanning the menu; she misses the grateful smile from Clarke.

Xx

After twenty minutes of Doreen taking their orders, she reappeared placing the mouth-watering food in front of the girls.

"If you need anything else, just let me know. Enjoy." The waitress smiled brightly, before it turned into a lopsided smirk when she turned to face Clarke. The intern looked back acquisitively, not understanding the not so subtle expression.

"Thank you" Lexa said; not noticing a somewhat unspoken conversation happening between Doreen and Clarke. Her voice then turns to one of excitement "This smells so good."

Clarke looked away from Doreen, smiling at the goofball in front of her, she thought she heard the waitress mumble "uh huh", as she walked away but the intern didn't dwell on it. It occurred to her that maybe the older woman was right, seeing Lexa so care-free, as she eagerly placed syrup on top of her pancakes with her lips turned in trying to contain her hunger. It was huge change from the girl who looked like she had the weight of the world on her shoulders, maybe life should be more.

"I know these pancakes are probably not as good as mine, but you should try them they're pretty close." Lexa teased; realising Clarke is yet to touch them

"Uh" Clarke mumbled before catching on. "Oh, yeah well don't let it go to your head, but you did ruin pancakes for me. None have ever tasted as good as yours."

Lexa met blue, and she gave an earnest smile, but Clarke could have sworn she thought she was blushing. The blonde couldn't take the scrutiny of those green orbs, so she distracted herself by reaching for the syrup and pouring it on her pancakes before she decided to change the subject.

"When you do have to go back to the hospital?" Clarke asked a bit strained, as thoughts on Niylah's argument came to mind; 'w _henever I try to figure it out, you find a way to change the subject'_ Huh? It's what Clarke does best, when something becomes too much, she looks for a way out.

"Monday, Dr. Grif- Abby forced me to take the weekend off." Lexa replied; clearly not liking the time off.

"She cares about you." The blonde said with ease.

Lexa was taken off guard by the statement. She just watched, as Clarke cut into her pancake.

"My mom is the best kind of hypocrite out there, she hates watching people burn the candle at both ends, but she willing does it herself every day." The blonde girl shrugged, used to her mom's work behaviour.

"Is that what she thinks, that I'm struggling because I'm n-" Lexa turned defensive.

"Lexa." Clarke reached out and grabbed her hand to stop her from spiralling.

"Listen to me; I don't think my mom has a single bad thought about you, she hasn't said anything specific to me. I was just merely stating that you both work hard, everyone deserves time off." The intern clarified.

Lexa smiled sheepishly; somewhat embarrassed by her assumption that Dr. Griffin spoke to Clarke about her.

Clarke watched the brunette visibly relax, who was trying to hide her face when she scoffed out a laugh for her stupidity. A somewhat comfortable silence materialised over their booth, as Lexa tried to gain her composure. It was only then Clarke realised she was producing small circles with her thumb, on Lexa's hand. _Why did it feel so natural?_ The intern wondered. The brunette quickly noticed the action after Clarke's gaze fell downwards.

Clarke cleared her throat, removing her hand from Lexa's; hoping a change of subject wouldn't be entirely obvious. It was coming very apparent to the blonde how often she does change a subject, knowing that Niylah was at least right about that, they needed to talk.

"So your family are coming down tomorrow. I feel like we should leave you and Costia to have a peaceful meal with them."

"With Anya at the table, there's no such thing as peaceful." Lexa smirked; follow the intern's lead of the change of subject, not wanting to dwell on what just happened.

"How is Anya?" Clarke smiled brightly at the mention of the girl that helped her during her panic attack years ago.

"She's good; she actually works for NYPD; so she's probably going to kick my ass for not seeing her sooner." The brunette scoffed.

"You don't seem to be too worried about that outcome." The blonde spoke softly, like she knew a secret.

Lexa eyes shot up to meet Clarke's, almost forgetting that this girl in front of her has always been able to read her like a book.

"That's Anya's way to show she cares." The corner of the brunette's lips pulled into a smile.

Clarke had to break her eye contact, feeling like her fourteen year old self again, as some old feelings started to break through the cracks. The blonde was too stubborn to allow them to resurface, and even more stubborn to have Octavia say the words 'I told you so'.

"I only met Anya briefly, but I instantly knew you both had this- special bond. I was always envy of that for the longest time, I always wanted a sibling until I realised I had Octavia all along. She means the world to me, my rock, and my sister." Clarke smiled at the thought of her best friend.

"To, having special people in our lives." Lexa raised her glass of strawberry milkshake.

Clarke laughed at the action, almost forgetting how much of a dork the brunette was. She grabbed her glass and tapped it against Lexa's.

"To special people in our lives, I'll drink to that." Clarke said; feeling a shift between her and Lexa once the words left her mouth.

She tried to divert the situation by sipping on her straw; but it was to no avail her eyes never leaving green ones, wondering if the brunette caught on to the double meaning. If Lexa did, she didn't let it show she just smiled at the blonde, as she drank her strawberry milkshake.

xx


	15. Chapter 15

I know I said the Wood's family would come to the Hamptons in this chapter, but unfortunately I lost my chapter about a month or so ago, so this was a rewrite, hence why it's taken me so long. So I do apologise once again for the wait, but I don't want to rush Lexa/Costia talk and the family coming to Hamptons so that will be in the next one.

xx

Clarke finds herself back on the beach at 5:45am, deciding to do something useful with her insomnia by embarking on the tell-tale of the ridiculous Griffin tradition.

She stands looking at to the water, as her dad's voice enters her ears.

 _"Clarke, I think you're old enough to learn about the Crazy Griffin Tradition that goes back generations. How old are you eighteen?" He says seriously while examining his daughter's face._

 _"I'm eight, Dad." The young girl laughs at her father's silliness._

 _"Oh that's right, well I'm still going to tell you." He whispers._

 _"What is it?" Clarke matched his volume._

 _"Your grandfather told me when I was fifteen years old, so you're getting a head start compared to your old man." Jake poked his little girl in the belly, causing her to laugh. "Do you trust me kiddo?"_

 _Clarke nods profusely; with a toothy grin too match._

 _"Take my hand." They walk over to where the tide is coming in._

 _The freezing cold water washes over their feet causing Clarke to squeal._

 _"Dad its cold!"_

 _"I know sweetie, the trick is-"_

 _He was immediately cut off, as another tide washes over their feet causing Clarke to jump away from the water, squealing again._

 _"The trick is to plant your feet in the sand, the first wave is always the coldest. The second will be slightly warmer, and then the third one will be warmer than the second and so on until you don't feel the cold anymore."_

 _"Really?" She said in awe._

 _His bright blue eyes looks down at her, and grins. "I promise."_

 _"Okay." She says, planting her feet into the sand. "Dad is this the tradition?"_

 _He laughs. "Nope this is just the training, something grandad never gave me. You'll thank me when you're older."_

 _"So what is it then?"_

 _"You're going to think it's really stupid." Jake joked in a childish voice._

 _"No I won't" Clarke shakes her head._

 _"Before the sunrises, every Griffin has swum out into the ocean in the icy cold water."_

 _Clarke eyes went wide, as she looked down at the icy water washing over her feet._

 _"Us Griffins are Crazy, huh?" He made a face, crossing his eyes for emphasis._

 _Clarke laughed, she suddenly felt strong hands pick her up and swing her round. "I want to do it."_

 _"When you're older okay?" Jake smiled at his daughter before continuing. "Because Clarke it's important to remember whenever you go swimming-"._

 _"You should never swim alone, because the water is dangerous. I know Daddy." Her blue eyes looked into his, before he continued spinning her in the air._

 _Being at the Hamptons were some of the happiest memories she has._

xx

Clarke opened her eyes, her heart feeling heavier at the memory that surfaced. Clarke had planned to do the Crazy Griffin Tradition on the summer she was fifteen years old, she wanted to be the same age as her dad.

Tears start to fall, as the blonde wished her dad could see her do it; to see his goofy face light up, when she got back.

Clarke breathed out heavily, trying to get rid of the anxious feeling that remained in the pit of her stomach. Not wanting to dwell on it anymore, she removed her kimono in a fluid movement; revealing a black one piece.

She charged into the ocean, the icy cold water instantly taking her breath away, she kept running with determination until the water was deep enough before she dived into the water. Clarke appeared out of the water, gasping at the coldness of the water. She wiped away the wetness from her face, before wholeheartedly laughing at the ridiculous tradition.

"I love you, Dad." Clarke breathed out shakily, before she transitioned into forward stroke, swimming further out.

Xx

"Niylah" Clarke spoke softly, when she found the model sitting at the breakfast bar, nursing a coffee when she returned.

Niylah's jaw dropped, when she saw the blonde only wearing a kimono. Clarke was rubbing a towel against her wet curly hair.

"You couldn't sleep either?" The intern offered to break the tension, with a sly smirk on her face

"No. Did you go swimming?" Niylah asked, rubbing her hands against the mug nervously, soaking up the warmth that radiated from it.

Clarke nodded. "There was something I needed to do. Plus it was a great way to clear my mind". She then waited patiently, seeing the battle the woman in front of her was having.

"Clarke, I'm so sorry for last night. I never intended to-" Niylah began anxiously.

"I know." Clarke interrupted; it actually pained her to see the blonde like this.

"Wait, what? I thought-"

"That I'll still be mad?" The intern finished

"Yes, and you have every right to-"

"But I'm not."

Niylah smiled, Clarke was trying to put her at ease and it was working. "You deserve an apology."

The model saw the intern's lips start to part.

"And before you cut me off, please let me get this off my chest." The blue eyed blonde closed her mouth, a smiled with a nod for her to continue. "People think I'm good with words. Hell I am good with words, but when I'm with you; all logic goes out the window. I was so nervous, i never thought asking if you wanted to be exclusive would end so badly. I'm so truly sorry Clarke. I hope you know that i don't think you use sex, to avoid feelings."

Clarke smiled, appreciating Niylah's apology; she stepped forward and grabbed hold of her hand, placing a chaste kiss on her lips.

"Thank you, but-" The intern saw Niylah's head drop towards the floor, she needed to see those hazel eyes as it was her turn to confess her wrong doing. Clarke gently lifted the model's chin before continuing. "-but I owe you an apology as well. I acted childish, storming out of the room like that. If I had acted my age, I would have been able to see that some of what you said was true. When I'm faced with difficult conversations or situations, I changed the subject so the attention isn't on me. I'm sorry too."

Niylah pulled Clarke into a hug, and every muscle in the intern's body relaxed, as she wrapped her arms around her.

"I don't want to hurt you Niylah." The intern mumbled against the fabric of the model's dressing gown.

The model pulled out of the hug to look at Clarke

"What?"

"I like you Niylah, I really do but I'm really not good at relationships. I'm a mess. I runaway when things get to real; I tend to not process my feelings very well." Clarke paused, when she saw Niylah's lip draw into a thin line.

"And if I say I'm willing to take that risk."

Clarke smiled sadly, staring into those hopeful hazel eyes. "Niylah-"

"Don't-" Niylah breathed cupping the blonde's face.

Clarke continued anyway. "I haven't been with anyone except you since I moved to New York and I don't plan to be. Can that not just be enough? Labels will end up ruining things."

Niylah bit her lip, trying to contain the excitement in her chest to no avail; she pushed that energy out, as she clasped her hands around Clarke's face and surged forward claiming those lips in a heated kiss. It might have not been exactly what she wanted to hear, but two seconds ago she thought she ruined everything. The older blonde knows this is Clarke's roundabout way to say she is exclusive without any commitment or labels.

Clarke backed Niylah against the breakfast bar, finding position in between her legs, as her hands untied her dressing gown. "I take that as a yes." The intern breathed against Niylah's lip, while the model removed the kimono off the blonde's body.

Too absorbed in one another, they only pulled away when they heard the stairs creak; drawing their attention to the voices in that direction.

Xx

Lexa grabbed her phone of the nightstand; she let out an audible groan when she saw it was nearly 7:30am. She had less than three hours sleep.

The brunette sat up and turned to face the noise of heavy breathing to find Costia lying on her front, with last night's clothes still on.

A pool of dread filled her stomach, as remnants of last night filter in her head.

 _"We need to talk, Lexa" Costia slurred having being woken up from her alcohol induced coma, when Lexa returned from her early breakfast with Clarke. "I just can't -" She began in an exhausted tone._

 _Before Lexa could answer, she watched her girlfriend fall back to sleep; feeling an eerie silence with heavy breathing._

Lexa needed her morning coffee, before she was even able to go down that road of thinking about what to do about her relationship with Costia without caffeine.

She walked out of the room, making her way down the stairs, when she heard movement and noises. The brunette had made it half way when she saw Clarke and Niylah in a compromising position.

Lexa came to abrupt halt, remaining frozen as she just stared at the two blondes kissing. Niylah removed Clarke's kimono, and Lexa's mouth went dry, and no matter how hard she tried she couldn't seem to get her brain and legs to coordinate.

Soft groans filtered the air, snapping Lexa out of her trance, a pool of shame washed over the brunette, causing her to come to her senses. She was just about to turn around and go back upstairs, when she felt someone hit her over the back of the head.

"Good morning asshole." Raven chimed, descending down the stairs, not noticing the two women in the kitchen. "What are you doing lurking on the stairs?"

"I wasn't." Lexa defended; turning bright red. God she knew Raven would be the death of her. The brunette involuntarily glanced back over at Clarke, and she was met with stunned blue eyes, she wanted the ground to swallow her up whole.

The Latina finally noticed Clarke and Niylah, judging by their swollen lips, it was easy to put two and two together. A disturbing smirk grew on her face, as she looked back at Lexa; suddenly realising why her friend was awkwardly hovering on the stairs.

"Did we disturb you?" The Latina still wearing her sickening smirk, as she made her way downstairs and into the kitchen area.

"Nice outfit." She added directing it at Clarke, who became quickly aware that she was only wearing her one piece swimsuit. The intern blushed, as she picked up her kimono off the floor, and swiftly put it on.

Lexa closed her eyes, seriously wondering why the ground hasn't swallowed her up yet. Leave it to Raven to make a question sound dirty and make things even more uncomfortable.

"No." Niylah answered quickly. "We were just-. I mean we were only-. We weren't-" the model rambled on, until she felt a warm hand on her bicep.

"They caught us making out Niylah, it's not like they're our parents." Clarke laughed somewhat awkwardly, as she made eye contact with Lexa.

"Ahem to that." Raven cheered.

"I guess I just didn't expect anyone to be up so early." The Model scoffed gawkily

"Well I heard Woods over here leaving her room, and planned to guilt trip her into making me pancakes."

There was a moment of awkward silence, as Lexa was still staring into blue eyes. She soon realised everyone was looking at her expectantly, ignoring the smirk on Raven's face, her mind soon caught to her mouth.

"And what do i have to feel guilty about?" Lexa voice was controlled and clipped compared the weird feeling that resonated inside of her.

"You helped these two beat me at beer pong, that's an ultimate betrayal. You owe me those tasty pancakes."

"Fine" Lexa rolled her eyes.

"Would anyone else like some?"

Clarke bit her lip, she wasn't particularly hungry, thanks to the impromptu breakfast with Lexa. But she could not pass down this opportunity, it's been four years since she last had them.

"Yes, please. It's been a while since i have had your pancakes" Clarke laughed, when Lexa reciprocated with a lopsided smile.

The room felt silent, Niylah gave a questionable look, as she watched the exchange. Deciding not to question it, but by the way Raven was raising her eyebrows suggestively at Lexa thinking no one was looking; it was easy to tell there was definitely history between the two girls.

xx

It was a quick chapter, and not the best.

Thanks for being patient with me.


End file.
